Home Sanctuary

Life, and the things that can't be measured

This blog post was originally published several years ago here at Home Sanctuary. For many years on this blog, I gave points for daily tasks...because hey, we do so many thankless, unnoticed jobs it was nice to get some actual POINTS for doing them! (Taking out the trash, anyone?)

I love the sentiment in this piece, and it's just as true now as it was then. Maybe it's just what you need today.

 

One of the biggest challenges I face when writing a motivational blog that rewards specific, measurable tasks at home, is that so much of motherhood - and life - is filled with things that cannot ever really be measured.

I know, we're all trying to get organized and find important papers and open the refrigerator door without fear, but in the big scheme of life those things are barely even significant. Not when you compare them to the ways we should love one another, how we should speak to each other, and make room for each other's faults and celebrate small moments of beauty. Or how we should trust God in the midst of trials, or model good character to our kids day in and day out.

Do you know what I'm saying?

How can you ever measure the importance of letting cleaning wait so you can gaze into your baby's eyes and stroke her tiny fingers as you feed her?

You could you never put a number on the patience it takes to listen to a nine-year old tell you a story that appears to have no end...and no point.  And yet you smile and nod and notice how his freckles are so darn cute and his smile is just a little lopsided.

You certainly can't put a price tag on staying up late with your teenager to eat popcorn in the kitchen and talk about boys and hairstyles, and you couldn't ever know the value of just one more bedtime story or a kiss on a forehead or that look you give your child that says, "that just about enough out of you, sir."

No one gives you points for the things moms do to smooth squabbles, feed tummies or wipe bottoms to the best of your ability. Checking behind ears for dirt, playing This Little Piggy, doling out discipline and forever wondering if you're doing a good enough job...not one task can be measured because each child, each circumstance, each day is different and requires every last ounce of a mom's best energy and attention.

And don't even mention watching clouds and chasing fireflies and finding rainbows....they'll never get checked off anyone's list, but they're some of the moments that truly matter - and only come when you're willing to drop your To Do's to catch them.

The truth is, although our lists fill our days with busy tasks, it's the things that rarely make our lists that make life sweet and good. It's when we look up from our phone apps and emails and measurable tasks and see the little people (and big people) who need us to BE with them in the moment, fully present and engaged, that everything comes into clear focus.

 

The things that can't be measured are worth our very best efforts, our highest goals and our strongest pursuits.

 

Love and faith and grace should be the whole point of all our other tasks - that perhaps in reprioritizing them we will leave room for the immeasurable joy that comes when we're simply...available.

Willing.

Surrendered.

Looking for the moments that connect us to each other and with God.

 

Today's Small Thing is to do something that can't be measured or checked off a list.

 

Hold a hand in the car on the way to where you're late to, sprawl across your child's bed and whisper in the dark, or look - really look - at your son or daughter as they speak.

It doesn't matter what.

You choose.

You grab hold of the moment.

You give it the attention it deserves.

Intangible, immeasurable, uncountable, unfathomable. Today, let love and grace fill in the spaces your To Do list cannot possibly reach...and simply enjoy what comes.

 

POINTS: 50 - because in real life you never get points for doing the immeasurable.

Counter Intelligence

 

On Wednesdays here at Home Sanctuary, we try to do a little something together to create order at home. "Order" is our theme song. Often, it doesn't take much effort to make a huge difference in how we feel about things.

Now, it doesn't take a super secret agent to figure out where "KAOS" has been at work at our house. Just take a look at our bathroom counters. Between the toothpaste, hairspray, makeup and curling irons, some mornings it's difficult to even SEE the counters. And that's with NO KIDS in the house. #SAD!

 

Let's do a Small Thing today!

Let's "Get Smart" in the bathrooms and clear off those counter tops.

You could take your arm and do a clean sweep of everything into a drawer and be done with it, or you could whip out your handy cleaners and gadgets to do a more thorough job of actually cleaning. You'll probably enjoy the latter action for a lot longer, but I've used the first method many times and even that gives you some satisfaction.

You might even enlist some Junior Agents, if you have some around, to do some spraying and wiping. They can be a bit trigger happy, but they are often eager for a top secret assignment if given the right tools and a time limit.

Clean bathroom counters make me feel really, really smart. And just a little sexy. ;)

 

How about you? What's the strangest thing you found on your bathroom counter today? We can use the Cone of Silence while you share....

Redecorate by shopping your own house

On Fridays this year, we are going to talk about how to bring beauty into your home sanctuary - by making it look pretty, sound peaceful, feel soothing, smell wonderful, and be filled with good tasting food.

That should give us plenty to discuss, huh?

 

Today, I want to show you how to showcase meaningful items that you already have, by creating a centerpiece or focal point with them.

After I took the Christmas stuff down, I was ready for a clean, minimal look. Do you feel that way too, after all the garland comes down? I love it while it's all up, but man! I'm so ready for a fresh look!

My favorite way to redecorate is by "shopping the house." It's free, and it's fun.

It's also free!

I do this by wandering from room to room, usually with a handful of chocolate chips in hand (helps me think), and I look for items that are raising their little arms and yelling, "Pick ME! Pick ME!"

"You poor little set of books," I murmur. "You've been jammed in the corner of this bookshelf for far too long!" 

I take them out and dust them off. They belonged to my grandpa, who was a Lutheran minister for forty years. They make me think of him, and make me remember him praying the Lord's Prayer at the dinner table.

I pause to enjoy the memory. How I loved him!

Now, for something to set on top of the stack. Waaaay up in a cabinet, behind the candles, sits my grandpa's old movie camera.

 

Perfect! A perfect pairing.

 

 

Wait. I'm going to need a small tablecloth to anchor everything. To the linen closet I go.

A vintage embroidered "topper" is just the right size for my large brown coffee table. It breaks up ALL THE BROWN in my living room, and sets off my display. So glad I bought 15 vintage toppers for my daughter's wedding five years ago! Plenty to choose from.

I really should iron this, but I'm on a roll and don't want to stop.

 

 

I like where this is going.

Now.

Something tall. Think, think.

This blue-green garage sale vase still has some Christmas greenery in it (I missed it when I boxed everything up). But berries are "wintery," not just "Christmasy," right?

 

 

 

 

Maybe if I add......

 

...a bird's nest? YES.

 

I found the bird's nest this fall, and love the creativity that went into making it! Twigs, grass, leaves...here's even a bit of dried snakeskin around the outside! Gosh, it makes me smile.

Now, a display looks best in groupings of three's...maybe fives. Don't even think about junking it up with seven.

 

My soul is longing for "less" so I opt for three.

 

This "R" was a Christmas present. I had placed it charmingly on my bedroom dresser and was happy with it there, but hey, when you're shopping the house you just grab stuff. Sorry dresser. Most of the time, I gather more than I need, and then just try out different groupings.

 

 

Want to do some redecorating/arranging of your own, WITHOUT SPENDING A DIME?

Here are a few takeaway tips:

Try anchoring your collection with a cloth or tray. It will make it feel cohesive and give it more "weight."

Look for things of differing heights and textures.

Go for groups of 3 or 5 if possible, but don't get all legalistic about it.

If something is too small, place it on a stack of books, chunk of wood or whatever else you got.

Look for similar colors to tie your collection together, but don't get too matchy-matchy. (I like the way the red books look!)

Look for the items that are waving their little arms and yelling "Pick ME!" Give them their day in the sun.

Edit. Rearrange. Look from lots of angles.

PLAY!

Don't feel like you have to put EVERY MEMENTO on display at once. Fewer IS better. (If some items complain about not being chosen, just tell them, "Next time, little one.") (They'll be fine.)

 

Now - GET GOING! Go add some beauty to your home by shopping the house!

And feel free to post pics to our Facebook page! We'd all love to see!

Let us know: what item(s) will you enjoy displaying?

Let's get organized...

Sanctuary is all about peace, order and beauty. Today, we're going to jump right in to Order.

Because it's best to not think about it too long. Just jump in. Come on!

 

 

Confession: I can't say the word "organized" without channeling Wallace, from Wallace and Gromit's "A Close Shave."

 

As in, "Get yourselves OH-ganized down there!"

 

 

via youtube

That scene cracks me up EVERY TIME!

 

First of all, I know the pain of clutter and how it just wears. you. down. I know how difficult it is to pretend you have it all together when it took an hour to find matching shoes. I know how hard it is to function when you feel like a total failure.

I know what it feels like to struggle to get motivated to clean up.

And this is not just for moms with little kids at home. I can tell you as an empty-nester, that old habits, like precious memories- oh, how they linger.

I think there's a song about that.

ANYWAY. This is why I don't like to read blogs about organizing. It's because they are generally written by people who NATURALLY love to organize. They go to bed dreaming of how they will put cat food into a stackable container and label it....to go with all their other matching containers.

I just shake my head. smh

But I have learned that it's possible for messy people to be organized enough to function. 

And that there is a level of clean that's "clean enough."

 

And it's possible to be clean and organized enough that your home really does feel like a sanctuary.

 

And living in a sanctuary feels very, very good. 

So, let's begin. Here's the good news: If you struggle to stay organized at home, part of the problem isn't so much with YOU.

It's with your tools.

You've GOT to have the right tools, or it will always feel too hard to do anything. 

For example, sometimes I think about how many times I've struggled with a standard screwdriver when the task called for a Phillips....or I've tried to to pound a nail with a shoe...things that should be simple and quick tasks become frustrating because I can't put my hands on the right tools when I need them.

The same is true for homekeeping.

I find that if I have the things I need IN STOCK - and HANDY - I can accomplish little tasks effortlessly, without the frustration and inevitable procrastination that comes when I can't find the tools.  

As we start planning for an organized, easy-to-maintain sanctuary this year, the first place to start is with the right tools.....housekeeping supplies, if you will.

When I can reach under a bathroom sink and can pull out a pop-up wipe, I am waaaaaaay more likely to keep the bathroom tidy than when I have to search for a paper towel somewhere in the house, then locate the spray cleaner and then return to......wait. 

Where was I?? What was it that needed cleaning? Hold on, what's Kelly Rippa talking about now? Oh, that's so funny. Let me sit here for a second and see what's happening on TV.

I'm not kidding, this is how I work.

That is unless I have tools, right then and there, that help me focus on the task at hand. 

 

Now, Wednesdays are going to be our "Small Thing" Days. I'm going to assign an easy task for you to do (15 min or less) that will absolutely work miracles in your life.

But only if you do them.

Just thinking, "that's a good idea, I should do that sometime" doesn't work miracles.

Actually doing them does.

 

Today's Small Thing is to take stock of your cleaning supplies.  

Make a list of the things you need, and have them ready to go...by next Wednesday.

 

Oh, Rachel, you're too easy on us.

I know.

I suggest keeping your supplies where you actually use them: under sinks (child-proofed, of course) or at the very least on each floor of the house or each end of the house. The best part of a cleaning strategy is simply to have your tools HANDY!

Get these at a discount store to put in a caddy per bathroom (or floor level). I splurged on some cute baskets from Walmart recently and love how they make me excited to put cleaning products in them. I opened my under-sink cabinets about 50 times to admire them. 

Yes, I'm that dorky.

"Small Things" Supplies

Glass Cleaner
Surface Cleaner
Abrasive cleaner
Paper Towels
Sponges
Trash bags
Dust cloth/spray
Wisk broom/dust pan
Rubber gloves
Potty  scrub-brush

Optional: Pop-up wipes (love these)

General cleaning supplies to have:

Floor cleaner
Vinegar
Disinfectant spray
Tools: brooms, mop, vacuum
Trash bags

Swiffers - oh so nice!

 

Starting fresh with the tools you need will give you power to spend time on the things you really WANT to do, instead of feeling victimized by all the housework.

Sanctuary is not just about cleaning, but it's about caring for your home and the people who live in it. 

It's part of showing love AND helping your family members belong to the process of homemaking.  

 

Today, take stock of what you have and start getting everything together. Be ready to make 2017 the year of "sacred spaces" by working smarter and more efficiently.

Give yourself permission to create a wonderful home sanctuary for yourself and your loved ones.

 

 

Tell me: what is your favorite cleaning product? Do you use "brand name" products, or generic ones?
 

I Propose A Campaign for Sanctuary

 

I tell you what. These people who are campaigning for public office right now are just tireless. Honestly, I don't know how they do it.

Up at the crack of dawn, they travel, give stump speeches, rally their troops, try to stay on message, kiss babies, organize people and budgets, give interviews, take selfies, tweet, and make promises. Then they go to bed at some ungodly hour, only to get up and do it all over again.

The tenacity! The relentlessness! The courage! The audacity! The unshakable confidence in their platforms!

I've got to say, I'm impressed. No matter which side of the party aisle you're on, you've got to admit that it takes total commitment to a campaign to work this hard.

 

I applaud you, Donald and Hillary. Your stamina astounds me.

 

Watching the presidential candidates each relentlessly pursue their vision for our country, and boldly ask for the people's support, has gotten me to thinking about my own little "nation-state," which is considerably smaller than the whole U.S. of A.:

 

Of course I'm talking here about my home and family.

 

What vision do I have for this place, and for these beautiful people who are entrusted to me?

What am I willing to tirelessly work for?

What kind of "platform" am I running on here?

 

Well, that's easy to answer. My campaign has always been about sanctuary.

 

I've run on this message for a couple of decades now. 

Making home a sanctuary for the people I love has been my guiding mission. It's the thing I return to over and over again.

Peace. Order. Beauty.

A soft place to land.

 

 

Now, I've logged a few stump speeches to my bored constituents over the years. I've kissed babies. I've organized people and budgets, made promises, tried to stay on message, and I've made my own "unforced errors" along the way. Probably done a bit of mud-slinging, which I'm not proud of.

But my point is that it's necessary to have a vision. It's important to have a platform you can always come back to when you get off track.

 

Do you wish your home felt like a sanctuary? Do you long for change, for the freedom to live and grow and flourish within your four walls?

I propose that you start your own campaign. Throw your hat in the ring and get in the race.

 

Campaign for that sanctuary.

Run on that vision.

Ask for your people's support.

Be bold. Relentless. Tenacious, even.

 

Put a goal on some paper, and then start taking some steps to make it happen.

Listen, sanctuary is a worthy goal.

Your soul needs a place to breathe free. Your children long for a safe haven from the storms outside. Your marriage deserves a chance to thrive. Lord knows you could use some better pillows and some organizing bins.

In light of that, I hereby nominate you for President of Your Sanctuary! Cue the balloon drop! Start up the band!

B-b-but...where, oh where to start, you ask?

 

Well, let me give you some reading material for your platform development. Here are some blog posts that I hope will inspire you.

 

Home Sanctuary: Peace, Order, and Beauty 

 

And hey. I believe in you. I will vote for you. I'll stick your sign in my yard.

You can make your home great again, or, maybe even great for the first time ever.  

You just needed the right campaign.

 

A question for you: would you be interested in me reviving the daily Small Things here on my blog to help you create sanctuary? I'm thinking about it for 2017. I'd love to know your thoughts. Comment here or drop me an email!

 

Need Courage to Clean? Strap it On, Baby.

For over six years (2008-2013+) I used to post daily Small Things here. They were little tasks that we could do together that would help us create a sense of sanctuary in our homes. Peace, order and beauty were always within reach of our collective, disorganized selves!

 

I do miss those Small Things sometimes! 

 

And I worry about you, my dear loyal readers.

How are you managing without my goofy jobs to keep you focused? How can you possibly cope with the chaos of life, without Small Things to ground you??

I'm kidding, of course. But since we are on the subject, I found myself needing a Small Thing in order to strap on some courage as I dealt with some disgusting trash. I'd made the mistake of leaving a garbage bag on the back porch overnight, and had awoken to the lovely sight of rotten vegetables and smelly diapers strewn about.

Thank you, raccoons. You rock. 

I nearly fainted in fear of handling the slimy debris, until I remembered this FANTASTIC Small Thing - one of my all time favorites. And I thought maybe you might could use a simple task on your Friday.

Do you have a task that makes you tremble in fear and trepidation?

Come on! It feels GREAT to be brave! Read on:

 

 

William Wallace had awesome face paint.

 

Rocky Balboa had Adrienne.

 

 

Luke Skywalker had The Force.

 

 

Wonder Woman had that boost-ee-ay.

 

 

And I?  Why, I've got rubber gloves.

 

 

Some household jobs call for extra courage, and that's when I pull out the gloves. 

 

Dog barf is no match for the latex armor that can be strapped on in a moment's notice.  Rotting trash that has been ripped open by marauding raccoons (or the dog) can be dealt with mightily, clogged toilets defeated, cat litter boxes exorcised and HAZMAT diapers removed swiftly and easily with the power of rubber gloves.

I love gloves for their fierce protection against the elements of cleaning products and common waste. I use the gentler versions for the dishes (cold spaghetti cannot faze me when I am so clad), but my true heroes are the tough blue guys who come out when the harshest cleaning battles rage. I'm amazed how calmly I can deal with the most disgusting of situations, like bathroom mold and toilet rings. And let's not forget wet bed-sheets or middle-of-the-night nausea.

 

Today's Small Thing is to do one job that requires, yea even begs for, rubber gloves.  

 

Clean the inside of your kitchen trash can, scrub a tub or potty, or simply wash the dishes under the protection of your stretchy five-fingered friends and see if you don't relish the inner peace you'll find. 

 

You pick the job, but let the gloves pick the fight.

 

Strap on some courage today, girlfriend!

What will you tackle with the aid of your gloves? I'm going to face the deepest bowels of our antiquated toilet that is so hard to clean, blech.

I can do this I can do this I can do this.....

And if I were to pick a Song of the Day: It would be Courageous, by Casting Crowns

Home Sanctuary by Nursery Rhyme

After a holiday weekend which included helping with my neice's wedding, I'm pooped. And the house could use some help. But where should I start?

I'm keeping things simple by following Mother Goose today. (I'm reprising this post from 2009!)

 

 

Mother Goose is an old friend at our house.  We have a treasured book, the kind with the cardboard pages, that was read hundreds of times.  Most often, it was read while a certain little bottom sat on the potty, waiting....and....waiting to drop a payload.  

 

Good times!

Mother Goose will inspire us to stay focused on creating sanctuary with this little rhyme today!

 

One, Two... Buckle my shoe

Three, Four... Knock on the door

Five, Six... Pick up Sticks

Seven, Eight...Lay them straight

Nine, Ten...A big, fat hen.

 

Today's Small Thing - (YES, a SMALL THING TODAY) is to follow the nursery rhyme and create sanctuary as you go:

 

One, Two, Buckle my shoe:  Get yourself dressed for action. When I roll out of bed and stay in my pajamas, I hardly feel like working around the house.  Getting into some decent clothes and shoes means I'm getting down to business!  Pearls are optional. 

 

Three, Four, Knock on the door:  Tidy up the entryway. Do your people walk in the door and dump their stuff right there?  Remind them that they have hands attached to their arms and get each person move their things to where they belong. Or, you can get it done the faster way and do it yourself.

 

Five, Six, Pick up sticks:  Do a quick pick-up of your living areas. Scoop up the newspapers, books, sweaters and shoes that clutter your sanctuary. Just spending a few minutes per room can work miracles! Mother Goose was a genius. 

 

Seven, Eight, Lay them straight:  Straighten things up. Our subconscious mind registers all the crooked things our eyes see, and it gives us a feeling of unsettledness without even realizing why. A peek at my house reveals chairs not pushed in to the table, throw rugs that are crooked, stacked books and magazines that look like leaning towers of Piza, pictures on the wall that are a little "off,"  and pillows in disarray. Seeing things straightened feels so good!  

 

Nine, Ten, A big, fat hen:  Make a menu plan.  A fat hen would make a wonderful stew, but even if you don't have time to kill, pluck and stew a hen, you can make a simple plan for your meals this week. Your menu might include Jack in the Box on Monday and Pizza Hut on Friday, but having a game plan for meals will save you time and money. Get inspired at orgjunkie's site on Menu Plan Mondays.

Find the child inside you and enjoy a good nursery rhyme today!  

 

Thanks, Mother Goose.

 

Which line of the poem do you need the most today??

 

Thank you, dear readers, for giving me time and space to write and think and work over the past few weeks! I've LOVED having a single focus. My hiatus is almost over and I'll be back to posting regularly! ~ Rachel Anne

Serving, Not Servitude

 

My girls gave me a huge gift several years ago. They were home from college one week and they asked me a question that caught me by surprise. They asked,

 

"What can we do for you while we're home?"

 

They wanted to delight me. They wanted to serve me. They wanted to see me smile with happiness.

 

Oh, I smiled all right! They listed potential projects they knew I'd been wanting to get to but lacked the time and energy, but I knew immediately what I wanted to do with them.

 

Spruce up my bedroom.

 

I'd been eyeing a romantic paint color for quite some time, but painting is kind of a big job and well, I'm pretty tired by the time I finish working on other people's projects and just hadn't been able to set aside the time.

 

Those girls whipped into gear. They pulled the furniture out and prepped the room. They stared at the paint chips with me (I couldn't QUITE decide on the exact shade) and offered their opinions. They acted like there was nothing they'd rather be doing than helping me paint my bedroom.

 

They made me feel loved.

 

I finally decided on Sherwin Williams "Fashionable Gray" (a lavender gray) and within 4 hours we had knocked it out and put the furniture back in place.  Lauren even spray painted my "80's Ugly" headboard a slick black and breathed new life into it. We listened to a Miss Marple mystery on itunes as we worked and laughed and talked.

 

 

It was an afternoon to remember.

 

It's not often that someone really asks you from their heart how they can serve you. It makes you feel wonderful and special to be asked. And it goes straight to your soul when they act like they have nothing better to do than do something that makes you happy. I'll never forget it.

 

Today's Small Thing is to ask someone what you can do for them.

 

 

Think carefully who you'd like to ask and make sure you'll be able to follow through on it. As importantly as the task itself is the attitude that goes with it. Serving with joy blesses a person like nothing else. And it binds your hearts together in a very special way. I floated high from my daughters' actions for a long, long time. And I still enjoy seeing my lavender gray walls, six years later.

 

Little note: Sometimes, it feels like all we do is serve others. Serve, serve, serve. Blech. But there is a difference between servitude and serving. Servitude is being enslaved to someone or something more powerful than yourself. Serving, on the other hand, is a choice from the heart - a gift that helps, empowers, frees, and loves others. Don't you love that?

 

How will you serve today?

Why Parenting is Like High School All Over Again

 

I clearly remember the first time I realized that parenting was a competition.

It was at the Reunion Party for the members of our childbirth class. Our first baby, Lauren, was three months old, with just a wisp of strawberry hair and bright blue eyes, and she was just beginning to *think about* rolling over. All of us brand new parents sat around the rug with our little bundles, much the same way we'd sat around that rug practicing our breathing and relaxation techniques, which were entirely worthless, but that's beside the point.

One couple, who was the 80's version of today's hipsters, plopped their baby down next to ours and proudly announced, "Tennyson is already tri-podding!"

A collective gasp went up from the crowd. Nobody actually knew what tri-podding was, but it sounded so advanced.

Sure enough, baby Tennyson sat up with his legs splayed out and his little arms reaching the floor in front of him, balancing his wobbly head in clear superiority to the loser-babies who were only rolling over...or still *just thinking* about rolling over.

Tennyson's parents shared that he was in the top 5 percentile for motor skills. They said he loved jazz music. Flash cards were his favorite pastime. The pediatrician had noted that he was very advanced for his age.

Tom and I looked at each other, then down at our baby, who was laying there on the rug like a, well, baby, and knew we had some work to do. Just wait until our One Year Reunion, Tennyson. THEN we'll see who's advanced! Oh yeah, bring it.

 

But that was just the beginning.

 

In my little Mother's Day Out, I found out that some kids had really cool mats to nap on, not like the cheap blue one I got at Walmart. Parents discussed which strollers were best, which car seats were safest, and why they decided to go ahead and purchase a Volvo. For the kids' safety, or course.

By elementary school, I figured out that the cool moms were the same girls who were cool in high school. DANG IT! They pulled off the Humble Brag flawlessly: "Morgan hardly had time to finish his science project because we spent Spring Break in Vail." Their kids came by Cool naturally: they inherited it.

I didn't fit in with the Smart Moms who were hell-bent on collecting every possible UIL medal known to man....for their kids, I mean. Colleges look at that kind of stuff, so it's important to start early.

On and on. Inadvertently (or maybe blatantly) comparing, competing and trying to fit in. Trying to out-do.

 

Just like high school. Only now we'd added our kids' achievements into the competish.

 

Of course, no one can ever measure up to the others. No matter how "perfect" your kid is, there is always someone's kid with a higher GPA, someone who has first chair in band, someone who models part-time for JCPenney, someone who won a bake-off, someone who got a hefty scholarship....and sometimes we succumb to the pressure of adding more activities and pressure on ourselves (and kids) just to try and keep up. We don't want to be left out.

 

Today's Small Thing is to stop competing, and start enjoying.

 

I've found that when I don't worry about the Tennysons of this world, tri-podding a full three weeks ahead of the 95 percentiles, I can exult in my baby rolling over whenever she wants to. When I stop comparing myself to my homeschooling friends and their kids' amazing science projects, I can relax and enjoy where I'm at - today - with my kids and their school projects. Do you get what I'm saying?

We tell our kids not to compare themselves to their peers. We tell them to be their own persons and to do things their own way. And we should do the same for ourselves: stop comparing our parenting styles, our incomes, our kids' achievements and our own, to those of parents around us. Stop giving ourselves the short end of the stick. Stop thinking that we are behind, or less than, or failures as parents.

 

Let's simply enjoy the gifts we have, such as they are, and let the chips fall where they may.

High school was way over-rated.

 

Rachel Anne

How will you enjoy "where you're at" in your parenting journey today? What ideas can you share that might help someone else? I'd love to hear.

 

I'd love to connect with you.

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What the Donkey Said - Lessons in Communication

 

Most of you are aware that I am the reluctant owner of a stray donkey named Flash.

 

Flash, The Donkey

 

Don't ask, it's a long story. There are a bunch of tales about him here on my blog, and you can read them when you have some time to invest in a sweet, albeit stubborn, character. Make yourself a cup of coffee and get comfy.

Today, though, I want to tell you about what that donkey said.

 

(cricket, cricket)

 

 

Well, he said......nothing. Donkey's don't talk much.

But he communicated a lot.

Flash doesn't have to say a word, in order to get his message across.

Examples:

Turning his rather large rump directly in my face means, "I'd like a butt scratch. Now." (I always oblige, because really, I have no choice.)

Both ears forward: "I'm interested in what's going on. Is there food involved?"

Both ears back: "I'm not happy." (Always wise to stand back)

One ear forward, one ear back: "I'm an enigma, shrouded in donkey mystery." (OooKaaay)

Both ears drooped: "Time for my mid late-morning nap, which I must fit in before lunch and my early afternoon nap." (Don't interrupt)

 

Flash has taught me the value of what can be communicated without saying a word.

 

For example:

"You aren't that important," is easily communicated when I am too busy multi-tasking to stop and listen.

I know exactly how to communicate "not tonight, dear," by putting on my worst sweatpants and baggy shirt to sleep in. (Works like a charm!)

"I'm not that interested," can be said by pulling out my phone and scrolling through emails when my child is trying to tell me something. 

 

Oh mercy, those examples were all so negative, Rachel. How 'bout some happy ones?

 

I can communicate "I love you," by baking my son's favorite cookies when he is home.

I say, "You are precious to me," by sitting on the floor and talking with my daughter about anything that comes to mind.

"I appreciate how hard you work," gets said when I take something off my husband's chore list.

 

Sometimes we think we are making ourselves clear by the words we use, when really, our actions are speaking louder than those words. My own biggest communication breakdowns happen when I am trying to do too many things at once. Sometimes, just slowing down long enough to make sure my actions match my words makes a world of difference.

 

Today's Small Thing (if you're new around here, welcome aboard my little assignments) is to communicate a positive message without saying a word.

 

Find a way to say "I love you," or "I value you," or "I'm available," with your actions. How creative can you be? Do you know your loved ones' love languages?

What is one thing you can do that will speak joy into someone's life?

I'd love to know what you're "speaking" today! Let me know in the comments below.

 

Love, Rachel Anne

 

 

 

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