Home Sanctuary

Life, and the things that can't be measured

This blog post was originally published several years ago here at Home Sanctuary. For many years on this blog, I gave points for daily tasks...because hey, we do so many thankless, unnoticed jobs it was nice to get some actual POINTS for doing them! (Taking out the trash, anyone?)

I love the sentiment in this piece, and it's just as true now as it was then. Maybe it's just what you need today.

 

One of the biggest challenges I face when writing a motivational blog that rewards specific, measurable tasks at home, is that so much of motherhood - and life - is filled with things that cannot ever really be measured.

I know, we're all trying to get organized and find important papers and open the refrigerator door without fear, but in the big scheme of life those things are barely even significant. Not when you compare them to the ways we should love one another, how we should speak to each other, and make room for each other's faults and celebrate small moments of beauty. Or how we should trust God in the midst of trials, or model good character to our kids day in and day out.

Do you know what I'm saying?

How can you ever measure the importance of letting cleaning wait so you can gaze into your baby's eyes and stroke her tiny fingers as you feed her?

You could you never put a number on the patience it takes to listen to a nine-year old tell you a story that appears to have no end...and no point.  And yet you smile and nod and notice how his freckles are so darn cute and his smile is just a little lopsided.

You certainly can't put a price tag on staying up late with your teenager to eat popcorn in the kitchen and talk about boys and hairstyles, and you couldn't ever know the value of just one more bedtime story or a kiss on a forehead or that look you give your child that says, "that just about enough out of you, sir."

No one gives you points for the things moms do to smooth squabbles, feed tummies or wipe bottoms to the best of your ability. Checking behind ears for dirt, playing This Little Piggy, doling out discipline and forever wondering if you're doing a good enough job...not one task can be measured because each child, each circumstance, each day is different and requires every last ounce of a mom's best energy and attention.

And don't even mention watching clouds and chasing fireflies and finding rainbows....they'll never get checked off anyone's list, but they're some of the moments that truly matter - and only come when you're willing to drop your To Do's to catch them.

The truth is, although our lists fill our days with busy tasks, it's the things that rarely make our lists that make life sweet and good. It's when we look up from our phone apps and emails and measurable tasks and see the little people (and big people) who need us to BE with them in the moment, fully present and engaged, that everything comes into clear focus.

 

The things that can't be measured are worth our very best efforts, our highest goals and our strongest pursuits.

 

Love and faith and grace should be the whole point of all our other tasks - that perhaps in reprioritizing them we will leave room for the immeasurable joy that comes when we're simply...available.

Willing.

Surrendered.

Looking for the moments that connect us to each other and with God.

 

Today's Small Thing is to do something that can't be measured or checked off a list.

 

Hold a hand in the car on the way to where you're late to, sprawl across your child's bed and whisper in the dark, or look - really look - at your son or daughter as they speak.

It doesn't matter what.

You choose.

You grab hold of the moment.

You give it the attention it deserves.

Intangible, immeasurable, uncountable, unfathomable. Today, let love and grace fill in the spaces your To Do list cannot possibly reach...and simply enjoy what comes.

 

POINTS: 50 - because in real life you never get points for doing the immeasurable.

I'd love to speak at your next event!

 

"Rachel Anne Ridge is a wonderful storyteller, and inspiring speaker. She brought a fresh perspective to our retreat weekend on living out our "purpose", while connecting with our women by getting to know them and their stories. Rachel's love for Jesus, and her example of being obedient to living out his calling on her life is evident and motivating."

        Lisa P. The Orchard, New Hampshire

 

“Rachel was a delight!! Our Women’s retreat was blessed to have her as our keynote speaker.  Her warm, sweet spirit came through her presentations and her message touched our hearts. She captured our attention and helped us to discover God’s presence in all of our circumstances.  A definite “must have” if you’re planning an event."         

        Sue S -Women’s Retreat Co Chair, Village Bible Church, Arkansas

 

"We have had some excellent speakers through the years at our Day for Women event. Rachel Anne Ridge ranks among the best. Rachel’s message and presentation were well received by our audience – as evidenced by the line of people who wanted to meet her and have her sign a copy of her book, “Flash.” Rachel was prepared and engaging. She did an excellent job.”

        Don Cooper, General Manager Temple Daily Telegram

 

One of my greatest delights in recent years has been the opportunity to speak to groups all around the country. From keynotes at luncheons, weekend retreats, civic events and professional workshops, I love being able to encourage and motivate people in ways that make an impact for positive change.

I recently realized that I've not done a good job reaching out to my own readers when it comes to this part of what I do!

Not sure what I was thinking, there.

Of all the people I love connecting with, YOU, my blog-readers are the best and most interested in what I have to say! I can't believe I've missed this.

 

Well, y'all know this about me:

I'm a story-teller at heart.

I believe that stories have the power to stick with you and give you a vision for what "could be." My favorite stories are the ones that make us laugh, and trust me I've provided myself with enough fodder for some doozies. Laughter opens our minds and hearts for deeper truths, and in the end that's what it's all about, isn't it?

 

 

 

I'm perfectly at home in a church setting, sharing my faith and love for Jesus. At the same time, as a creative professional who has boot-strapped and juggled entrepreneurship, I am a confident presenter in a business or community setting. I work with the event organizers to create content that is full of relatable moments and practical takeaways, and did I mention I like to have fun? Presentations should be enjoyable...  and you can quote me on that!

 

I'd love to talk with you about your group's next event!

 

You can find a Request Form here: Request Form

I answer my own emails so it's super easy to contact me directly if you have any other questions. Just drop me a note and/or submit a Request Form and let's get the ball rolling! I still have dates open this fall and next spring (2019) so it's not too late to see what's available.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Rachel

P.S. Here's a media kit for some more info.  Download RachelRidgeMediaKit

When you still don't know what you want to be when you grow up.

This post first appeared in my blog in October 2015, but its still just as good now as it was then.

 

 

It seems like you probably ought to know what you want to be by now. Because technically you've been a grown up for awhile. :)

It seems like everyone else got it figured out in their twenties, or at least by their mid-thirties.

But you're still waiting on that epiphany that tells you, "This, THIS....is what I'm here for!" (There will, of course be a beam of light that will shine down upon you and there will be angelic choirs singing at that very moment. You will fall to your knees and open your hands to the heavens, releasing butterflies that will flutter around you in a magical dance.)

I've actually never known anyone who has had that kind of experience, but somehow we all kind of think that we will have "A MOMENT" in which all will become clear, even if it only happens in the Starbucks line.

Awhile back, I wrote a devotional/workbook for Women of Faith, about discovering your life purpose. It really challenged me to work through my presuppositions, and ask questions, and truly think about what purpose is all about.

 

 

I realized something important.

Those epiphany "MOMENTS" rarely happen.

 

Mostly, we find our purpose by bits and pieces.

You might even say, by fits and starts.

 

And sometimes, we bump into it without much of a plan. One day we might look up from something completely unglamorous and say, "Huh. So this is what it's all about. Cool!"

And that's perfectly okay.

 

Because you don't need an epiphany to be operating in your purpose.

In fact, you are probably already living it, even as you're waiting for that "other thing," that thing that you think you're supposed to do that's really remarkable, to happen.

 

Your greatest purpose in life is right in front of you, today.

Purpose is not for tomorrow. It's not for someday.

Your purpose is for today.

It's for the hours you're given today, for the decisions you face today, and for the moments that make up your life...today.

 

Your purpose is to simply do what's before you, in the best way that you can.

 

This is what I know: Your purpose is to do the right thing, which is to show up today.

Show up for the laundry, and for the job, and for the people who depend on you. Show up for your art, or that volunteer clean up crew you signed up for, or that blog you think no one reads, or that marriage that feels lifeless. There aren't any shortcuts, and there aren't any get-rich-quick schemes that will put you on the road to "success."

 

There is only faithfulness in the small things, and trust.

You can trust that God is working to bring about his purposes in you each day.

He sees you.

He knows you.

He has you in his hands.

God's got you.

So if you're still wondering what you're supposed to be when you grow up, just relax.

Because you're already who you're supposed to be.

So now? Just go live into it.

 

I'm praying for you today, my friend!

Love, Rachel

 

See Your House with Fresh Eyes

Goodness, I have really dropped the ball on our Wednesday "Small Things!" Let's do one together today...but first a lil' story:

 

 

Awhile back, we were at our son's final hockey tournament for a whole weekend, and left the house in rush to get there. Like a whirling dirvish, I had picked up the house and made the beds and did a quick wipe-down of the kitchen. I'm weird that way....I don't like to come home to a mess. I couldn't quite get to the dishes in the sink, but oh, well.

As we packed up to leave, we remembered: The Dog.

Being as old and decrepit as he was, we couldn't leave him outside overnight because of the cold temperatures. But knowing he had a bladder the size of New Jersey, we decided to leave him inside in the hopes that we would be able to get ahold of our neighbors to let him out. Well, sure enough, my BFF friend kindly stopped over and did the honor of letting old Beau out to do his business. I still owe her for this, big time.

Nothing like waiting for someone else's dog to poo.

And in the back of my mind, I wondered again about the state of the house. I couldn't remember if it was just "kind of presentable" or "really bad." I mean, I thought I straightened things, but did I?

Just what did my friend SEE when she opened the door?

As soon as we pulled up to the drive, I jumped out of the car like a bat out of, well...you know. I opened the door to the house. Yep, dishes in the sink. Jacket thrown over the chair. Back room a disaster.

It was just as I remembered, somewhere in the "kind of presentable" range.

 

And then I started to really see.

 

I began seeing as if looking through my neighbor's eyes.

Crumbs on the counter. Are the kitchen appliances really that dusty? That flower arrangement in the bathroom is just SAD! What's up with the couch slip cover! Man, Labradors really shed. Fruit on the counter is going bad. The fridge door is full of fingerprints. The bookshelf looks cluttered.

There was so much I didn't see when I was looking at my house through my own eyes. But when I "put on" my friend's eyes, suddenly I was seeing all KINDS of new things!

Using a fresh set of eyes opened a whole new world of observation.

 

Today's Small Thing is to "put on" a fresh set of eyes....but not for your entire house.

Just for your kitchen.

 

What is the first thing you would notice if you were a new guest? Piles of junk mail? Last night's dishes? Rice stuck to your stove top?

If you knew that someone was going to stop in to visit in say, 10-15 minutes, what things would you tidy up in your kitchen?

Probably not the inside of your oven, or the vegetable bin in your fridge.

You might scoop up the counter debris and deposit it somewhere, give the floor a quick sweep and at least get the dishes stacked next to the sink.

Just enough so that your new friend would be under the impression that you are industriously neat.

Set a timer....GO!!!

A quick goodbye. It's easier that way.

 A Wednesday "Small Thing" for your sanctuary sanity:

 

Several years ago, my son's youth group was doing a huge garage sale as a camp fund raiser. Church members were to drop off their donated items on one particular night, so the kids could unload and set up for the big sale. Just before I was to take Grayson to the church to work on the set up, I thought I'd take a last look at the informational flyer that had been sent home with the kids.

The camp requirements were clearly stated:

• Each kid is required to work 4 hours over the garage sale weekend.
• Each kid is required to bring 4 large trash bags full of donated items for the sale.

Well, good golly almighty! FOUR BAGS?? I thought he was only required to WORK, not bring stuff to sell. I knew I should have reviewed the instructions earlier!

How was I going to come up with FOUR BAGS of stuff....in time to make it to church?

Game face on, I grabbed 4 bags and headed upstairs to the closets.  I checked my watch. Only 15 Minutes before departure!  I'll never be able to do this.

Imagine my complete surprise (and slight embarrassment) to EASILY, EASILY fill all the bags before running out the door! 

Here's the other surprising thing: the lack of deliberation made it easy to say goodbye.

I didn't hold things gently in my hands and gaze longingly at them. I didn't clutch outgrown clothing to my chest and breathe in the memories.

No, I jammed them in bags, threw them in the trunk, and hit the gas pedal.

It was over so quickly.

Today's Small Thing is to take ONE trash bag and fill it up with either TRASH or STUFF to donate. 

Clutter, be gone!

I am living proof that it can be done very quickly...and without tears, I might add.  Perhaps the ticking clock helped me fight sentimentality as I stuffed the bags, so you might want to consider limiting your time to about 10 minutes. 

Don't, I beg you, DON'T spend too much time on this! Set a timer and get moving.

Just say a quick goodbye, and be done with it. 

It's easier than you think.

Cultivating the Good Stuff

 

cul·ti·vate

• to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops; till.

• to promote or improve the growth of (a plant, crop, etc.) by labor and attention.

• to develop or improve by education or training; train; refine: to cultivate a singing voice.

 

One of the my favorite scenes in life is the acres and acres of green corn and beans on the rolling hills of Nebraska...it is one of my best childhood memories. My uncle is a farmer there, and I know the hard work and cultivation that goes into making those crops happen. If you've ever driven through the midwest in spring time, you've probably seen farmers in gigantic tractors, tilling up their land in preparation for planting. They know that a crop doesn't just start when the seeds get sown, but it actually begins long before that - with soil management and planning months in advance. And once the crop is underway, there is a whole science of tending, watering, fertiziling and harvesting at precise moments for the best yield. 

As moms and keepers of the home, one of the biggest aspects of OUR job is cultivation. Whether you know it or not, you are laying the groundwork for the kind of crop you will harvest. Soil preparation, fertilization, feeding, weeding, planting, tending, pruning....all are activities that apply to raising children and creating an atmosphere for growth and health.

 

Let's do a Small Thing today!

 

Today's Small Thing is to cultivate....intentionally.

 

Let me ask you: What kind of harvest do you want to reap? Here are some ideas to get you started:

If you want your children to be readers, take a trip to the library and set a "reading time" in their rooms.

If you want peace and quiet, actively set boundaries on noise levels and provide consequences for indoor yelling: i.e. show your kids the back door :)

For an appreciation of healthy lifestyle, create a meal that features an array of vegetables.

For spiritual growth, plan scripture memorization, a family devotional or a commitment to church.

For a deeper relationship with your husband, plan a conversation around a topic you know he enjoys. Take an active interest in something that's important to him.

For an atmosphere of "sanctuary" tidy up your living spaces and turn on a lamp or two. Make it cozy and nice.

 

The list is endless......I've given you just a few thoughts. 

 

Today, think about the kind of life you want to live, and then take steps to cultivate that life. 

 

Don't just expect a crop to grow out of rocky, untended soil. Do the hard work of preparation and cultivation and you'll reap the benefits many times over.

What will you be cultivating today? What steps will you take to reap the rewards?

I'd love to hear about the things you're doing!

 

Flash the Donkey Makes New Friends is all about cultivating kindness. It will inspire great conversation with your kids about ways to be a friend to others. You can find it on Amazon, along with the new paperback version of Flash!

 

Women 2016: Friendship is Our Superpower

 

 

 

When my daughters were preschoolers, they coined the phrase, "company girl," to describe how they kept each other company. It's stuck with me ever since.

 

"Will you be my Company Girl?" one girl would ask the other. It seemed like the question always came with an outstretched hand and a hopeful smile. Okay, sometimes it was more of a demand that came with some arm twisting: "BE MY COMPANY GIRL!" You know how sisters are. :)

Hand in hand, they would skip off to the back yard, or to a tea party in the living room, or for a snack in the kitchen. It didn't make any difference where they were, or what they were doing...they knew it would just be better as long as they were together.

 

I learned something valuable from those two darling redheads. I learned that friendship can be so much less complicated than I had imagined. Sometimes, simply being together is enough. Just having a "company girl" friendship makes everything sweeter, richer, and more enjoyable.

 

Recently, I've come to see how friendship is more than just sweet, it is like a secret superpower. 

Turns out, friendship not only makes life feel good, it reduces stress, and makes us healthier. Friendship boosts our immune system, helps us become more successful, and even helps us live longer. 

 

Friendship is one powerful force.

 

Girls, this is great news!

We are Wonder Women...and we didn't even know it!

 

 

I mean, if you could bottle that force and sell it, you'd make a fortune. I can't think of any pill that packs that kind of promise!

 

That's why I call friendship our superpower.

 

Now, some women are naturally good at making and keeping friends. Others of us need help brushing up on our friendship skills that have gotten a little rusty.

You'll get no judgment from me here.

Because, while we've focused on meeting the demands of work, kids, finding receipts, taking out the trash, and remembering to put the load of washed clothes into the dryer before mold sets in, we've let friendships take a back seat. It's hard to juggle everything, and hey, when your kid needs a model volcano for science class tomorrow, and by sad coincidence, you have no idea what to fix for dinner.....enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend can wait, for pete's sake.

I totally get that.

 

But maybe it's time to unleash your hidden superpower.

Now is a good moment to put the sparkle back into your girlfriend relationships, and experience the ripples of good that not only go out into the world, but come back to you in remarkable ways.

 

If you would like to rediscover your friendship superpower, I want to invite you to a very special event!

On Saturday, February 20, I'll be speaking at the luncheon at the Day for Women in Temple, TX.

  

 

Temple is between Waco and Austin - just a little drive from the Dallas area. There is a whole day planned with shopping, a fashion show, and of course, LUNCH. It's a perfect event to bring a Company Girl to. Day for Women Info

 

Purchase Tickets Here

 

In the meantime, I challenge you to do something friendshippy–something you've been putting off–like writing a letter, or grabbing that cup of coffee, or making a phone call to a friend. A text or email will do, but maybe you can put your superpower to the test and come up with something amazing!

 

Don't think about yourself and how it will make you feel, but think of the person you're extending a hand to, and how it will make her feel.

 

Remember, a superpower is worthless when it's kept under wraps, so go out and wield it!

 

Be the friend you wish you had...and see what happens next.

 

* * * * * * *     

What will you do that is friendshippy and superpowery? I'd love to hear your comments!

In the spirit of friendship, I'll give a free, signed copy of my book Flash to one lucky commenter today!

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Girlfriendy, And Trying To Become More That

Good Golly, Summer's Over and I'm So Disorganized

 

Every summer, just like every January, I vow to get organized. I promise to clean the windows. I am determined to stay on top of the laundry.

 

But life is so hard.

 

And Netflix starts the next episode of my binge series before I can find the remote to stop it. Oh well, I'll just watch one more...

If you've just gotten the kids back to school and you're looking around at the aftermath of a fun summer of hanging out, or if you're like me and you have no one to blame but yourself because the kids have moved away, it may be time to pull out my easy housekeeping system.

 

I know the value of having a "reasonably clean" home. I may never win a Martha Stewart award, but I've learned that I need a certain level of orderliness to function well. Also, my husband is a neatnik and the truth is, I value him. I love that guy to pieces. And that means I want to "up my game" a bit, and be a little less haphazard in my personal approach to housekeeping.

Does having a "whole system" seem hard? It does to me, too. That's why my techniques (once called "laughable" by a commenter) work for me. I use the term "system" very loosely.

 

Having a bit of structure to your efforts means that you can allow yourself time to pursue personal goals, live generously, and love freely. You don't have to feel chained to an overbearing system. Simply walk through the easy steps to figure out what works best for you...and voila. You've got it!

 

I've put the best of my tips in one, free, downloadable PDF. If it still seems like too much to handle, skip on down to page 17 for my Minimum Maintenance routine.

Really, Minimum Maintenance all you'll need to survive. Trust me on that.

 

You can download the full PDF here - for free!

Download HousekeepingSystem

 

 

How about you? What is your best housekeeping tip? Do you listen to music or podcasts while you clean? Do you delegate? How do you avoid procrastination?

 

I hope you'll share...we can all use some post-summer encouragement right about now!

"Run with Horses" Podcast Interview with Trish Blackwell

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Trish Blackwell, the creator and force of nature behind Confidence on the Go. You can listen to our chat right here!

 

Run with Horses - Interview with Rachel

 

We had a blast talking about Flash, my new book. She especially loved the chapter in which I wrote about the time Flash chose to run with the horses who landed in his pasture one day. 

You might remember that Flash had been spending his days hanging out with the fat cows across the fence, until some amazing horses showed up and challenged him to step up his game! That day, he discovered that there was greatness inside his dusty little self...just waiting to get out.

It's one of my all-time favorite scenes - Flash running with the horses. My little donkey had never looked so endearing, or so perfect. I'll never forget what a change in perspective can do.

 

 

When you pop over to listen to the podcast, I hope you'll take an extra moment to get to know Trish. Trish is a trainer who focuses the whole person...body, mind and spirit, and she inspires you to step forward into being that confident person you want to be in every area.

I want every single one of her training tools, especially the Couch to 5K series. Because, let's face it, I'm on the "couch" end of that spectrum.

You might want to check out her personalized coaching programs....really great, life-changing stuff.

 

THANK YOU, TRISH! It was so fun to talk with you! Listen to our chat here.

 

 

Order the book.

How to Move Past Failure

 

 

I heard someone say recently that failure is an important part of character development. That failure, in some form or fashion, is inevitable...and it's what you do with it that can cause the most personal growth. 

It reminded me that this whole adventure with my stray donkey and the book that followed, was a result of my husband's and my journey through failure. The years of the Great Recession were brutal for us. Our business, which relied heavily on the housing market, was hit hard. And even though we could blame the sluggish economy for our failure, in the end the "why" didn't really matter.

All we knew was that our dream had all but died, and we had bills to pay.

It felt like a big, fat failure.

And you know what, when you're in the midst of one failure, it seems that all your other failures stack up like airplanes coming in for landing at a busy airport. One after the other, the missteps, the bad choices, the poor timings, the forgotten birthdays, the cross words, the burnt dinners...they pile on relentlessly.

During those years (yes, years) I found it difficult to hold my head up. Everything felt heavy. I napped often. It's one of my coping mechanisms.

The worst part is that my past failures made me afraid to try anything new. I mean, why bother? I knew I'd fail at the next thing, too.

I was stuck.

Eventually, I knew I needed to move past this failure thing...but how?

 

One of my favorite stories about Flash is the time he discovered a greatness inside him he didn't know he had. The incident happened right when I desperately needed inspiration to change.

Flash had been hanging out with the cows in the neighboring pasture. The cows were on one side of the fence, chewing cud and looking bored, while Flash was on the other side keeping them company.

One day, another neighbor's three horses got loose and Tom rounded them up and put them into Flash's pasture for safe-keeping until their owner could bring his trailer over and take them home. These horses were BEAUTIFUL! Sleek, shiny, elegant equine specimens.

Flash, my dusty, shaggy donkey, suddenly looked up from his cud-chewing friends and discovered that he had company: three gorgeous stallions, who pranced like ballerinos around the pasture.

I watched as Flash had a choice to make: stay with the cows and watch the greatness of these newcomers from the sidelines, or join in with them and do some of his own dancing.

It only took a moment for Flash to make his decision.

He would run with the horses.

The horses pranced.

Flash pranced.

They bucked.

Flash bucked.

They circled and spun.

Flash circled and spun.

They glistened.

Flash...well, he didn't glisten. He magnetically collected all the dust the horses kicked up.

He looked ridiculous out there, with his short legs and choppy mane and oversized head.

But he didn't care.

He was running with horses.

He'd found greatness, and that's all that mattered.

 

That picture stuck with me.

 

 

In a golden moment of donkey greatness, I realized that Flash discovered the key to moving past failure. That afternoon, he focused on the things inside him that made him great: all the chromosomes he shared with horses (62 of them!) and he ran with them. Perhaps all this time he'd been focused on the one set of chromosomes he lacked - the one set that differentiated him from horses - and settled for a life of mediocrity with the cows. 

I suddenly saw that I'd been so focused on the things I lacked that I'd given up pursuing anything great. I'd given up on trying.

I'd given up on excellence.

And I realized I'd been going about things the wrong way. Perhaps instead of trying to move away from past failures, I would try moving TOWARD something, just like Flash did that day.

And that something was:

 

Excellence

 

 

Tweet: Don't retreat from failure. Simply pursue Excellence, and success will follow.

 

Excellence, I found, is a state of mind that made me sit up straighter and pay attention to details. It said,

I can do better.

I can go the extra mile.

I can put away the clean dishes.

I can exercise today.

I can limit Facebook so that I have time for what really matters.

I can take on a new goal.

 

Maybe you're struggling with failure today. Maybe all your missteps and mistakes are flooding your mind, making you feel stuck.

Let me suggest:

 

Today, instead of focusing on all the things you lack and all the "reasons" you shouldn't try anymore, simply move toward excellence.

 

Focus on doing the best job you can on that thing that's in front of you.

 

I'm not talking about perfectionsm, I'm simply saying that each day, it's possible to embrace doing things better than we have before. We can intentionally choose which things to let go of and which things to apply ourselves to. We can take a couple of goals and work on doing them well.

Move toward something.

Why not? I'm willing to pursue excellence. How about you?

What is one thing that you can do better today? How can you apply excellence to your day? How can the pursuit of excellence help you move past failure?