Home Sanctuary

How to Deal with Change: Four Things You Need to Know

 

Things are changing around here, and we haven't adjusted as quickly as we thought we would.

For example: I told you that we got a new companion for Flash - a sweet little mini donkey named Henderson (AKA "Henry").

Aww! What a nice change! What a welcome development! It would take some getting used to, but hey. How long can it take? I then proudly announced here on the blog that the two were getting along and had stopped biting one another after a couple of weeks together.

Well...that was a bit premature.

In hindsight, I probably should have said, "The bite wounds, which they continue to inflict upon one another, generally heal quickly."

Now, this is not to say they aren't happy to be companions. Flash seems very settled and content to have a buddy, after flying solo for so long. And Henry is thrilled to be in a place that has plenty of food, lots of land to roam, and all the affection a little donkey can stand.

 

But even good changes take some getting used to.

 

One month in, and they are still working it out. I'm happy to report that it still only gets ugly when the donkey-to-human ration is 2-1, and both of them want attention simultaneously. Also when there is food involved. Other than that, they are golden.

Observing these two react to change has reminded me of how I respond to it, too. I'm not always a happy little camper when there are shifts in reality. Changes, even good changes, cause me to want to hold on to the past and and succumb to "good old days syndrome."  

It's wonderful to remember the past with fondness. How I loved those shoulder pads and stirrup pants I wore in 1985. I was so cute. But it's even better to look at the changes that are happening with excitement and anticipation for what is coming next. I'm super excited about the loose tops that are coming back into style because, the muffin top. Or, more importantly, I'm looking forward to a season of freedom to write and create in new ways, even though it means I have to let go of some of the things I loved in the past.

 

If you're dealing with change today, I'll leave you with a few thoughts I'm thinking.

 

1. Seasons of change mean that you'll get a chance to grow.

"Oh, yippee!" you say. Woo hoo.

I get that. I get it because some change is painful and hard and you wouldn't choose it for anything. But, here it is. Change is upon you. Maybe someone else's crummy choices have put you in a tight spot. Maybe your job is on the line. Or maybe that kid you raised so lovingly has decided he'd be better off without you in his life. Things are a real barrel of laughs.

But I say to you that somehow, some way, in some manner, you will grow and become more and better in the midst of it. You cannot fix some of the changes in your life, but you can set your sail toward maturity and faith. Change insures that you don't remain stuck in the same patterns forever. God is giving you compassion, empathy, endurance and patience – all while He is working behind the scenes to create something good.

YOU are changing, and that is a good thing.

 

2. Change brings new opportunities.

Way back when, I was super happy when my husband had a nice job with benefits, and I was able to be the stay-at-home mama I always dreamed of. But that job went away, and suddenly I needed to help bring in some income. Yikes. Suddenly that little hobby painting flower pots and birdhouses became very important, because it turned into an opportunity to start a business. Without the need to put food on the table as incentive to get out and beat the bushes, I would have continued to plunk along with a nice hobby. And a whole lot of painted flower pots. You can't have too many of those.

If there is change going on, don't miss the opportunities that come with it because you're too engrossed in the past. Open your eyes, stay hopeful, and try some new things.

You never know what will arrive in your life, now that there is room for it.

 

3. Change brings new people.

I'm convinced that the secret to success, besides the Lord of course, is people. It's in the friendships and relationships that are made along the way. Perhaps you will be the answer to someone else's prayer today. Perhaps someone will step into your world who will play a pivotal role in your life. Change means that your circles are widening, and that can be a very good thing. Look for an opportunity to connect with someone who may be experiencing the same kind of change that you are.

There is nothing like shared experiences to cement a friendship.

 

4. You might as well trust.

There aren't a whole lot of scriptures on dealing with change. I know this, because I've looked. But there are a host of verses on trust. It seems that the entire Christian life is based on trust – from trusting in Christ for salvation, to trusting for strength, to trusting that all of this is for something. 

Listen. Trust that God will not let you down. Trust that He is with you. Trust that He cares about you. Trust that He will work everything out. What do you have to lose? Except fear and doubt.

Psalm 91:2 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

When the earth is shifting under your feet, run to the Rock. He's got this.

 

I'll be honest. I've got some big changes going on right now and sometimes I'm just plain scared out of my head. But I found myself walking around the house yesterday, with my palms up, saying "I trust you, Jesus." Out loud. Over and over. And somehow, just saying those words calmed my soul and brought my attention to the One who is bigger than any amount of change I find myself in. "I trust you, Jesus. I trust you, Jesus." My heartbeats subsided and I felt peace. Amazing.

 

How about you?

Are you facing some changes that feel scary? Unsettling? I'm holding out my hand to you today and I will pray with you. I don't do a lot of preaching on this blog, but today I'm putting it out there because I think I'm supposed to. Drop me an email or leave a comment with your name. I'm going to pray over each name and ask for God to calm your heart and fill you with joy and anticipation for what's ahead.

He is with you and for you. And I'm praying for you today.

 

 

Progress: The Donkeys Have Stopped Biting Each Other

 

Flash the Donkey

 That face. So cute, so sweet, so innocent.

 

 

And this guy. So little, so happy to have a wonderful new home.

 This was Henry's first dust bath in his new pasture. I think he is smiling!

 

 

These two have made progress. They have stopped biting at one another and there is not much kicking going on anymore. Just some laying ears back and head motioning - mostly by Flash, when he does not want to share attention. Or hay. 

After one week, Flash and Henry are already inseparable, just not quite "friends." I did, however, see them both laying down in the barn, quite near one another, in a companionable afternoon nap. Their ears flopped lazily and their eyes were all sleepy in equine relaxation.

I smiled when I saw them, and felt really happy for Flash. He has a companion, who will soon be his friend. I can feel it. 

They don't see eye to eye yet, but they seem to accept each other's presence. It's a great start. 

 

 

Watching them, I've thought of the friendships I've had that were slow in coming. I had to get over my own insecurities and fears to make way for warmth and acceptance. Just like these two, I've had to feel my way into relationships. There may have been some biting and kicking along the way, but I won't go into that right now. It was kind of scary.

The best friends are the ones who stay with you, accept your flaws and just love you for who you are. Both Flash and Henry will have to overcome their past experiences and learn to lean on one another, especially when winter sets in. There is something in their eyes that tells me that their walls are crumbling, and that friendship is on its way.

Is it hard for you to make new friends? Is it easier to think of others as companions than true friends? I totally get that. I'm not a girl-friendy kind of girl. But I'm learning, and observing Flash and Henry warm up to each other inspires me to reach out to others in my life. Who knows, maybe the best friendships are right under our noses...just waiting to blossom!

In Which I (Still) Look Like a Drowned Rat in My Driver License Photo

I've been carrying around a horrid driver license photo for six years now. I have to pull it out every time I write a check, which is often, because I am one of the three people left on earth who still writes checks. (There is always a sigh from the person in line behind me, but that is neither here nor there.)

Strangely enough, I opted to renew my license online yesterday - so I can carry the same photo around for another six years. Call me sentimental.

I wrote about the driver license fiasco back in 2008, and I shall recount it here for our merriment.

Dec. 2008

My husband dropped me off at a car rental office to pick up a car for the next couple of days. Normally, he would wait to make sure I got it before driving off, but he had several errands to run and I assured him that I had it under control. I stepped to the counter and went through the usual procedure.

 

"OK, just need to see your license and credit card," the man at the counter said. I whipped them out and checked my watch. I was to pick my son up at school in 15 minutes and had just enough time to get there, drop him off at home, run another errand and then leave for a hockey game. This was going well.

 

"Uh, ma'am, your license has expired and is no longer valid," Mr. Car Rental Guy said, and pushed it back toward me. "I can't rent the car to you without a valid license."

Oh, you gotta be kidding me. But no, it had expired last month and apparently I've been driving illegally for several weeks.

By this time, Tom was long gone, and there was no way to call him to have him return with HIS license, because he lost his phone a week ago.

 

"There's a Department of Motor Vehicles office in the next block," the guy said helpfully. "You could go renew it and come back." I immediately envisioned the DMV office, a dimly lit room with orange plastic chairs and a hundred depressed people waiting for their number to be called. I've been there before and remember it well.

 

I was stuck. I could see no other choice but to do as he suggested. So I walked THROUGH THE RAIN to the DMV, hoping it wouldn't take forever. 

 

Have I ever mentioned what drizzle does to my hair? Well, it gets frizzy AND flat at the same time. Did I also mention that I was wearing a stained hoodie sweatshirt? Under a blazer? I'm quite sure I was not wearing lipstick. And I knew, as I hurried along through the wind and rain, that I would be stepping behind a line and looking into a camera, operated by someone who couldn't care less about capturing the essence of who I am.

I got up to the DMV counter with no wait time. I guessed on only a few of the numbers in the vision screening and fudged just a teeny tiny bit on my weight. (I'm certain that those few pounds will be gone right after I start my exercise program, so really, I was just speaking in faith.) But before I could do a happy dance at my speedy progress, things came to a halt when the lady refused to take my debit card.  "Checks or cash only, Hon," she drawled. Of course, Tom had my checkbook. Then, seeing my cold, stonefaced expression in response to this news, added, "You could go around the corner to the grocery store and buy yerself a soda, get cash back and come on back here." Like the Car Rental Guy, she was also quite helpful. I turned wordlessly for the door.

I trudged to the store through the drizzle as she suggested, and returned with the appropriate cash. I was madly texting my son to tell him to take the bus. And despite her machine BREAKING DOWN in the middle of the whole thing, I managed to step behind the line and smile like a drowned rat for the photo I'll be carrying around for the next six years.

 

I can hardly wait to see my moment of real life captured on my license when it comes in the mail.

 

 

 

I remembered all this yesterday, as the cursor on the computer screen blinked on the "Renew Now" button. I should do this in person, I told myself. I could get a new photo. It's my chance to do it right this time. To pose and have good hair and look appropriately aged for the picture.

 

But in the end, I pressed the button. Renewed. The memory is too good, the story too perfect to let go of just yet. I guess I sort of cherish that license. Maybe it's because I'm smiling in the picture, I don't know. In spite of the rain, and the hassle, and the trudging, and the rodent-hair, somehow...I chose to smile. You can't see the puddle of water dripping off of me onto the floor, or see the crazy texts to reorganize an already-crazy day. You can't see the Car Rental Guy, or the soggy wad of dollar bills in my pocket, or the unnecessary bottle of soda in my purse. All that really matters is that I looked into that camera on that awful afternoon, squared my shoulders, and gave it my best.

 

Maybe the lady did capture the essence of me, after all. I'd like to think so, anyway.

 

 

 

 

How about you? Are you struggling to smile today? Sometimes trudging through the dailyness of life is just about more than a person can take. But listen. You can do this. Take a deep breath, square your shoulders and look ahead with a smile. One day you will look at today and remember that the essence of who you are is a fighter.

 

A survivor.

 

A warrior.

 

A smiler at the DMV.

 

That's just who you are.

 

Meet Henry, My Adorable New Mini Donkey

 

On Tuesday, Tom and I made a ten hour round-trip trek to Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue in San Angelo, TX to pick up our newest family member. His name is Henry - short for Henderson #10, which is how he was logged into the rescue system when he was received from the Henderson county sheriff's department.

 

 

He is ADORABLE.

 

 

Henry, (sometimes I call him Mr. Henderson) is only about 33 inches tall at the shoulder, which means he can just about fit underneath Flash's belly. He was chosen for us by David (Doc) Duncan, who works with the donkeys at PVDR, because of his gentle disposition and cooperative attitude. David took him to a "Mule Days" event last weekend and had him walk in the parade and be part of the "show donkeys" group that the public could pet and handle. Henry did great! For a rescue donkey with an unknown background, it is remarkable that he isn't spooked by anything or anybody. I knew he'd be perfect. I'd love for him to become a therapy donkey one day. (I can dream!)

 

It was a long day of driving, which ended with an overnight stay in one of our pens for Henry, separated from Flash. In the morning, they were introduced with a fence between them, which was a good way to size each other up and get those first sniffs in.

 

 

Now, the first couple of days have been a little bit rocky. but that's to be expected. Once Henry was let out of the pen, the posturing and equine bravado took over.... for Flash, that is. Henry could care less about having another donkey around, he's so chill. Flash is the one who will have to adjust! Ears back, pretending to charge, bucking, he's making sure Henry knows who's the boss of this place. None of it has been too serious, except the solid bite Henry gave Flash to tell him to back off. Flash and Henry just need to figure out their respective roles and they'll be best buds in no time.

 

Flash also needs reassurance that everything's going to be okay. Trust us, Flashy. You'll be friends in no time. And don't worry, you're still our favorite, no matter how cute and widdo he is.

 

Flash is going to be so happy to have a companion again. Already, I can tell there is a spring in his step and a spark in his eye. Everyone needs a friend, and donkeys are no exception. If he will just give the new guy some time to fit in, it will work out beautifully.

 

 

 

If you are interested in adopting a donkey, check out Peacful Valley Donkey Rescue. With satellite facilities in 21 states, you can find a perfect long-eared friend who needs a permanent home. Donkeys are wonderful companion pets who are entertaining, gentle and soulful. And maybe even a bit contemplative. You can decide for yourself, when you bring one home.

 

Have you ever brought home a new pet and found that your "old" pet had opinions about the new guy? How did you resolve it? Do your animals get along? How long does it take for animals to accept each other? I'd love to hear your story.

Related articles

He's Not Exactly a Christmas Donkey

How to Find Blessing in Your Life

Happy World Donkey Day!