Home Sanctuary

Ordinary Brave, and Fear of Missing Out - Lisa Jo Baker

I'm on the road for a couple of days, and blogging is a little bit tricky. No laptop, just a phone and a Kindle.

So I thought I'd just share a couple of great posts by one of the most gifted writers I've ever met: Lisa-Jo Baker. You may already be familiar with her through her blog, through (in)courage, and through her new book, Surprised by Motherhood. 

Yes, THAT Lisa-Jo!

 

I just loved this precious prayer, and felt it echo in my heart as someone who doesn't want to miss out on what *everyone else* is doing.

 

A Prayer for Fighting the Fear of Missing Out

 

...and this one....oh my heart...

 

When Ordinary is its Own Kind of Brave

 

Stop over and give Lisa-Jo a hug for me. And see if her words don't breathe life into your soul just a little bit.

Enjoy....I'll be back in a couple of days.

Love you, Rachel

PS  Her book is perfect for a Mother's Day gift (I've ordered two, one for each of my daughters).

I Wasn't Prepared for This

 

"I wasn't prepared for this," said every person, everywhere, for the hundredth time.

Have you said this? I have. . . . about a hundred times.

Each season of my life has had it's "what-do-I-do-now? moments. You know, the times in which you felt under-prepared and overwhelmed? Off kilter, stunned, amazed, surprised by change.

Many of my personal transitions came as a result of motherhood. I didn't seem to matter which stage of mothering I was in, or how many books I read, or how many other moms I spoke with, nothing really prepared me for the "next" stage of life.

• Going from working girl to stay-at-home-mom with no friends.

• Going into the toddler years and dealing with, well, toddlers. The delicious, wonderful, exasperating, adorable, edible toddlers.

• Finding my rhythm with elementary age kids...and a baby.

• Starting a business to pay for hair highlights, and then having to depend on it for the mortgage.

• Finding my passion in creative art. I never thought I would.

• Mothering middle schoolers.

• Dealing with high school issues: boyfriends, girlfriends, activities, rules and messy bedrooms. Late night movies, talks in the car, the feeling of wonder.

• Watching your kids leave and wishing you could do it all over again. At least some parts of it. Like maybe Mothers Days and Christmases. Also bedtime snuggles.

 

I wasn't prepared for everything in between, either. The "life" stuff. The jobs, the bills, the health scares, the economy, the way marriage gets real stale sometimes and then suddenly explodes back into life. The way your hair texture changes over time. The cellulite. My god, the cellulite.

The beauty of figuring out what you're good at. The relief of knowing you really don't have to apologize for feelings. (I just discovered that this year.)

 

I guess it's one thing to read about other people's experiences and advice, and it's a whole 'nother animal to experience it yourself. Because YOUR story is unique. No one else owns it but you. And that's why, sometimes, you simply feel overwhelmed by the changes nobody could have possibly prepared you for.

 

I wonder: Whatever phase of life you're in right now, how would you complete this sentence?

 

"I wasn't prepared for __________________________."

 

Perhaps you weren't prepared for the physical exhaustion of parenting. Or the difficulty of a new job. Or the complexity of marriage. Or the idea of being single again.

Maybe you weren't prepared for the fierceness of love that overwhelms you when you watch your child grow. Or the loneliness of an empty nest. Or the joy of finding your creative passion. Or finding the love of your life so late.

 

 

What are you experiencing right now that has caught you off-guard? What do you wish you could have known? Maybe your comment will be just the thing that will help someone else see their season in a new light.

 

One of the things I love most about this blog is the diversity of women who frequent it. From college women to great-grandmothers, we share a common bond. I'd absolutely love to hear from you today!

What weren't you prepared for? Is there anything you might tell another woman facing a transition or season like yours?

Meditate on Deut. 31:8 today: "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you. he will neither fail you nor abandon you."

I'm Not Mad at You, I'm Just Thinking

 

When we first got married, Tom used to worry whenever I got quiet.

"Are you mad at me?" he'd ask.

I'd look at him like, where would you get that idea?

"Of course not," I'd say.

"Is everything OK?" he pressed.

"Everything's fine."

"Are you sure you're not mad? You're so quiet."

"I'm not mad! But if you ask me one more time, I'll be mad."

"Really? Because I just think you might be mad about something."

"Really. I'm not mad. I'm just thinking, ok? Sometimes I like to think, and I don't like to talk when I'm thinking."

"Well, what do you think about when you're not talking?"

"Oh, I don't know. Sometimes I think about the way my grandpa's barn smelled like hay, cow manure and WD-40. Sometimes I think about what I should do with my hair. Sometimes I wonder about faith. Sometimes I think about things I'd like to draw. Sometimes, I don't even really think. I just like being quiet."

"OK, just as long as you're not mad at me. You'd tell me, right?"

Tom has gotten so much better at accepting that I'm just not a big talker. I think he's realized that I need space to think and plan and work things out in my head...and simply be.

 

I've been quiet here on the blog lately. And no, I'm not mad at you! Where would you get that idea? Silly.

 

It's just that I've been thinking.

 

Thinking and working things out in my head as I finish up this book I'm working on. I'm not much of a multi-tasker - I'm a uni-tasker, and my book has taken up all my "tasking."

 

 

But this is a good thing.

I am in absolute heaven, if you discount the hours beating my head on my desk and staring at a blinking cursor while drinking coffee and eating pretzels. Other than those small details, this time of writing is very, very precious to me. And a fun, and pinch-me-because-I'm-writing-a-story-about-God's-incredible-sense-of-humor-to-send-me-a-donkey kind of wonderment.

I'm wrapping up the last chapter in the next couple of weeks and I am still just as excited about this project as the day I wrote the first word. I want to leave myself plenty of time before my June 1 deadline to edit, polish and make it sparkle. Then Tyndale's very nice editors can slice it up all they want and I'll be fine with it, knowing I did my very best.

So....for the next couple of weeks, I'll continue to be a little quiet.

Because I'm thinking.

 

Motherhood, From the "Way Back" Seat

 

It's an odd stage of motherhood I'm in. It's the uncharted territory of letting go of these kids we've raised, and embracing a new season in life. It's exciting and scary at the same time. 

I remember, as a kid sitting in the “way back” seat of the family station wagon, which was roughly the length of an ocean liner, with faux wood paneling on the sides. We loved the fact that it had automatic windows and was the perfect shade of 1970’s avocado green. The “way back” seat was the one that got pulled up from the storage area in the rear and faced backward.

I can still feel the sensation of barreling toward a destination I could not see, while watching through the back window as the road fell away behind us. The dashed lane markers seemed to emerge from somewhere below, all huge and oversized, and then immediately get smaller and smaller until they disappeared as tiny dots into nothingness.

It felt like time travel, but with motion sickness. Everyone knows its a terrible idea to ride in a vehicle backwards. Don’t even think about reading a book, unless you have a barf bag handy.

But, moving toward a destination you can’t see. Watching the past, where you’ve been, fall away.

Even as new seasons of opportunities and personal growth are around the bend, I want to hold on to everything I’ve had, everything I’ve known.

This life, this beautiful messy life is changing once again and there was so much I haven't done in this season yet.

Grayson’s last years at home and first years of college have been bittersweet. When we moved to this funky barn house, he was nine. Nine! A kid with an orthodontic appliance and a penchant for building model airplanes. Lauren and Meghan were in high school and fixated on their hair, choir, youth group and a dizzying schedule of activities. Flash arrived just as they were leaving; a little gift from above to occupy my mind and assuage the mama-ache. Now the girls have made it all the way through college and into new marriages and BABIES(!) and Grayson studying aerospace engineering . . . and I couldn’t be more proud.

Or more reflective.

Possibly a little sad.

How many times had I wished I could walk down the driveway, away from motherhood and all the laundry? How many arguments tense discussions did Tom and I have over household rules, chores, activities, haircuts and homework that made me want to cut and run? How often had I complained about the squeaky Explorer and the workload and the burden of shaping young lives, which always felt more like herding cats than actual shaping? How often had I savored the sweetness of these children and loved their beautiful faces?

And now, motherhood is falling away behind me and I am hurtling toward a destination I can't see. A great unknown. I haven't been prepared for parenthood to disappear as a tiny dot into nothingness. I haven't even started their scrapbooks yet. I forgot to show Grayson how to fold fitted sheets.

All the things I’d once been so confident I’d accomplish before the kids left home seem so presumptuous now. 

C. S. Lewis once said, “Isn’t it funny how, day by day nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different.”

The incremental shifts, the tiny tectonic movements, the way your kid’s face loses that baby softness and becomes lean and chiseled, without your even noticing until you watch him sleep one night. The way you give everything you have to life and think it’s nothing much to offer, but there it is. Take it.

And the way it starts coming back to you. 

I'm not really sure what the future holds. I just know that I'm moving toward something new, something I cannot quite see. It's time to unclench my fingers on the past and hold out my palms to receive what God has for me. I know it will be different, but still good.

 

I will trust Him to drive the station wagon forward, even as I watch the roadway fade beyond the rear window.

 

 

Are you in a season of transition? Are you finding that letting go is hard? Let's remember that God is with us into the uncharted territory that lies ahead. 

 

Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

 

 

 

I'd love to connect with you.

Sign up for my newsletter and receive upcoming free downloads, printable art and access to my Home Sanctuary e-book (coming soon!)

 

 

Never miss a blog post.

My encouraging daily posts can be delivered right to your email! Here is the form:

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

 

Canvas Print Winner! And My Hang Ups

The randomly drawn winner of this canvas print from Tuesday/Wednesday's post is:

Cari LaCroix!

Cari, send me your address and I'll send the print to you! Congratulations!!

I loved reading everyone's "Big Bad Ugly" that they faced. It's heartening to know that each one of us has something we are putting off...but we CAN win small victories each day. The feeling of success is contagious. Even a little bit of success breeds enthusiasm for tackling a new challenge, and you all inspired me to take on a few more items this week.

Such as....my closet.

Several weeks ago, I set a box in there in a frenzied attempt to get the house ready for guests. That box is still there, but now it is buried by the clothes that are difficult to put away because the box is there.

Today, I'd like to prove the power of Small Things to improve our lives. Let's see what a tiny bit of Order will do. Would you play along with me? 

 

 

This is something that many people will find silly.

And, in fact, YOU may look at the computer screen blankly and wonder what on earth I'm talking about because this little task is something you never have a problem with.

I salute you.

For the rest of us, let's just say we have some hang ups.

See, when I walk into my (tiny) closet, there are usually one or two items that have decided to slide off their hangers and relax on the floor. They obviously don't have the strength to shoulder the waiting in there, so with a nonchalant shrug, they leave their spot on the rod for better times on the carpet.

There are also the clothing items that drape themselves over chairs, ends of beds and dusty exercise equipment because they are too tired to march themselves into the closet and retire to the hangers like good soldiers.  

It's pathetic.

And I have to get after the coats and sweaters, who, after a long winter of waiting around, are finding it difficult to keep hanging on to their hooks. No matter how many times I scold them, they lack the willpower to stay put. I know it's because there are too many of them and they're feeling crowded, but it's as if they've given up and think winter is over and will never come again.

There are always one or two despondent items in a crumpled heap of despair on the floor. 

I won't even tell you about the clean-but-unsorted laundry that only WISHES it could be hung neatly in the closet.  Day after day it sits, its wrinkles becoming set as the basket is dug through for the undies and socks that lay like buried treasures within its depths. The button-down shirts are particularly angry, but they've always got a bit of an attitude. So uptight!

So, for those of you Company Girls with no hang-ups to deal with, today will be an easy day. For the rest of us, we should do some personal therapy by handling our "issues" one at a time.

 

Today's Small Thing is to hang up the lazy, unmotivated or simply wistful clothing items that are laying around the house. 

 

Some of them need to be put in their place with a good talking-to, and others will thank you for the chance to hang with the big boys.

 

Where do your clothes like to hang out when not in the closet on hangers? Mine love the chair in my bedroom.

 

Soooo.....how long has that item been on your floor, chair or hook? Small Things, when I post them, are like little jewels of tasks that make your home sparkle. Let's put some Order into our sanctuaries today!

Perfectionism's Ugly Cousin, Procrastination

This post is reprised from sometime last year....because Perfectionism's Big Bad Ugly Cousin, Procrastination, has been hanging around again. This time, I've been putting off writing some letters and making some phone calls.

Let me introduce you to Mr. Big Bad Ugly:

 

 

I've been putting off doing something for months. Every night I go to bed saying, "I'm going to do it tomorrow. I really am." And every day I find 100 things to do instead.

The thing I've been procrastinating has turned into a Big Bad Ugly. Over time, it's gotten bigger (at least in my mind) and become a huge weight on my shoulders. And the longer it goes, the more I don't want to deal with it.

The thing I've been putting off is dealing with some medical bills. I need to make some phone calls and fill out paper work. But the numbers are so big, they scare me and I don't want to face them. So I haven't. UGH.

 

Do you have something that's become a Big Bad Ugly in your life? 

 

An awkward phone call you KNOW you need to make, some bills that need taking care of, a letter that's long overdue. An apology. A really awful bathtub that needs scrubbing. The longer you've put it off, waiting for that perfect moment, the worse it's become.

 

Today's Small Thing is to face your Big Bad Ugly thing. Take a deep breath and be brave enough to look it in the eye and say "Today I will slay you."

 

I've always found that the DOING of the thing I've been procrastinating is far less painful than the AVOIDING of it. I can sleep better at night and I can enjoy life again, knowing I've put my big girl panties on and done it. That's what I'm going to do today, and I want you to do this along with me me.

Let's let our faith be bigger than our fear. Ps. 34:4 says, "I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."

 

What Big Bad Ugly thing will you tackle today? Let's join hands and deal with these monsters together! Today I'm facing the letters and phone calls.

 

Do ONE thing you've been putting off and let me know about it in the comments. One lucky commenter will receive a free 11x14 gallery wrapped print today!

Related articles

Tidy People Know the Power of Now

B is for Bad - as in, Make a Bad One

Letting Go of Perfectionism

Oops, I sent out yesterday's blog with a bad link. If you had trouble accessing my 6 Top Organizational Posts, here is correct link to the post: 6 Top Organizational Posts.

 

Are you one?

 

If you're struggling with clutter and messiness, it might surprise you to know that my diagnosis of your problem may just be:

 

Perfectionism.

Yep.

You may be a Messy Perfectionist.

 

I know, sounds like an Oxymoron, doesn't it? But it's a real problem.

I wrote about being a Messy Perfectionist a few years ago and here's an excerpt:

You see, perfectionists like to do things the Right Way.  We know how things should be done. We know that we should scrub the grout with a toothbrush and bleach whenever we clean the shower.  We know that the insides of garbage cans should be disinfected.  We know the blinds need to be dusted slat by slat. We see the filth and the grime and the clutter....and feel powerless to do anything about it because it would take 10 lifetimes to take care of things the Right Way. So we get bogged down in inertia instead, and spend a lot of time thinking "I should be better than this. Why can't I get it together??""

Maybe that's why I need Minimum Maintenance so much! Several of you commented that it was a challenge to stop at 5 minutes...and I feel your pain.  It IS hard.

But liberating.

Perfectionism is often the thing that keeps us from living the kind of life we want to live because we are chained to standards we cannot maintain. 

I am convinced that letting go of perfectionism is the first step to getting organized.

 

Perfectionism makes me believe that my schedule should clear, the kids should behave, my bank account mysteriously fill, and the stars should align before I can tackle the housework. I mean, it's SUCH a big job, it's going to take all of that, and more, for me to get it done.

Right?

Well, seeing as how that never happens, we need to rethink the "perfect" scenario for getting started. And rethinking the "perfect" way to do things. And the "perfect" way things should look.

 

We need to let go of perfectionism and accept Good Enough.

 

Most of the time, Good Enough is enough. You don't need to apologize for it, feel ashamed of it, worry that someone will grade you for it. Good Enough means you can move on to other things, like living life joyfully and freely.

Good Enough is better than Never Started.

When it comes to keeping house, we need to stop comparing our mess to the perfect pictures we see on Pinterest. That only zaps our time and convinces us that we can never attain such perfection.

So......let's just start.

 

Today, I offer a challenge: I challenge you to do something halfway. Do a Good Enough job.

Ideas:

• Wash your dishes but don't put them away.
• Wipe your sink but don't scrub it down.
• Straighten the shoes by the door but don't haul them to the bedrooms.
• Set your table with paper plates.
• Stack the mail neatly but don't sort it.
• Write one page in your journal but don't try and catch up on the last decade.
• Put one photo into an album, rather than baby's whole first year.
• Slap some paint on that dresser that's been sitting there forever and don't worry about creating a museum piece out of it.
• Hang some pictures.
• Hot glue the broken trinket, use duct tape to hem your pants, do the exercise video you aren't good at.

 

Give yourself permission to do something less-than perfectly.  But do something. Be free of perfectionism today!

What will you do that's Good Enough? I'd love to hear! I'm going to quickly clean my bathroom - and only give myself 10 minutes to do the whole thing.

Need Order? Get Started Here

Grab a cup of coffee and have a seat! Let's chat about Order.

In January, I listed my Top 6 Housekeeping posts in one, easy to read post. Many of you have joined me in the last month or two, and may have missed it...so I'm linking to it today.

 

Easy Schedules and Menu Planning

 

My Top 6 Organizational Posts

This year, 2014, is the first year in a long time that I haven't posted "Daily Small Things" to help you with housekeeping tasks. For a variety of reasons, I wanted to move on so that I could make room for blogging about other things that are dear to my heart. 

Not that scrubbing toilets isn't dear to my heart. {cough}

Let me be clear: Cleaning - housekeeping - is not my favorite.

But having lived with feelings of overwhelm and sadness about the clutter I couldn't seem to get control of, my heart hurts for my online friends who are struggling. I know clutter is painful. I know it hurts when you are afraid to have guests stop by. I know you want to make your home feel wonderful.

My hope is that, even when I'm not talking "cleaning," you'll still feel inspired to take small steps toward sanctuary. Each day, find a five minute task that does something to make you feel better. If you need some ideas, simply go to my sidebar and find the category "Sanctuary is in the Small Things" and you'll find literally hundreds of easy tasks that will jumpstart your efforts.

Sanctuary is in the Small Things

For today, spend a little time scrolling through my top six. Take out a few pieces of paper and be willing to write some things down. There are exercises in there that will help you with creating a housekeeping schedule, starting a menu plan, and analyzing your current daily time zappers. This is something I like to review regularly, because life changes on a dime and it's good to be flexible.

And don't worry: These aren't hard exercises. They are made for people like you and me who like to keep things simple. I like to save room for daydreaming and stuff, and not be all hard-nosed about organizing. Hey, life is too short to be obsessive.

But we still need to make progress, and this is why I'm here.

I'm cheering you on today! You can do this. You can create a home that feels good when you walk in the door. A place that you're proud of. A place that makes your family and friends feel welcomed and loved.

We are working on this together.

Rachel

Tell me: which of my Top 6 posts do you need the most? Which one is the most helpful?

How to Create Some Order Around Here

 

Last week, I talked about cultivating peace in your home as the first step to creating a sense of sanctuary. If peacefulness is the foundation for your structure, then Order is the pillars that holds it up. This is great news for both of you out there who are naturally neat.

Not so great news for the rest of us who struggle to get organized.

But there is hope!

 

I like to use the term "Order" because it feels a little bit friendlier than "Organized." Order gives me a sense that there is some wiggle room in there for my easy-going ways.

I can live with that.

 

Having order in your home simply means that there is enough structure, organization and cleanliness to allow family members the freedom to function and grow freely as human beings.

 

It means that you aren't constantly frustrated by the lack of clean socks, you are able to find a clutter-free place to sit down, you can find things when they need them, and you are proud to have guests over. It means that you are free from the chains of disorganization so that you can pursue personal goals.

Let's face it: life is always going to be messy. There is a certain amount of haphazardness that comes with the busy lives we lead. But wouldn't it be nice to at least have a sense of order in the middle of all that busyness?

I believe that is possible. In fact, I KNOW it is possible.

For the next few blog posts, I'm going to talk about ways to create some order in your home and personal life. I've discovered some simple ways to radically change the way you approach cleaning and organizing that will help you carve out some sanctuary at home.

If you are frustrated with your mess and angry at yourself for not being able to pull it together, this little series is for you. Stop beating yourself up, take a deep breath, and relax. We are going to do this together...and by the end you'll have the tools you need to get you on your way.

Let's create some order around here.

Rachel

Do you struggle with disorder? Is clutter keeping you down? What is your biggest obstacle to cleaning and organizing?