I love to lose myself in a good book. In fact, I become SO lost in stories that I forget things like, say, pulling meat from the freezer, turning off the tap water (yes), and closing cabinet doors. I become absent-minded, all because I'm absorbed in the story.
But there was another time that I lost myself, but not in nearly such a charming way. In the thick of motherhood, with three kids under seven, and a husband who worked ridiculously long hours...I could not remember the person I was before the tsunami of life hit. It's not that I didn't love being an at-home mommy - I DID - I just felt like I couldn't remember if I even liked reading, or if there was even life beyond Sesame Street. I was really into Grover at the time, and then I realized just how myopic my life had become. But Super Grover really was my hero.
I could not carry on an adult conversation.
I have friends who have experienced this type of thing when dealing with a husband's illness, or a demanding job, or the loss of a loved one. You just lose yourself in the thick of trying to keep your head above water. It's almost like part of you shuts down so that only the very essence of you can survive.
Here are four things that have helped me find my way again.
1. Realize that this is only a season. You will not always have babies clinging to you, bawling their little eyes out. You will not always be in dire straits, or having to work this hard. Your situation is temporary. Maybe it's a loooong temporary, but it IS a season, and this too shall pass.
2. Carve out some time for yourself. This is so hard, especially when you are a care-giver, but you simply MUST fill up your own emotional tank. You cannot give when you are on "E." Coffee with a friend, a walk in the park, a movie date, your favorite craft....do something that is balm to your soul. Be intentional about it, and don't talk yourself out of it. {says the martyr, who always talked herself out of it}
3. Don't neglect your spiritual life. When you feel lost and alone, sometimes the last thing you feel like doing is a Bible Study. But take a verse and post it where you can see it. Pray the scripture and thank God for every single gift you can think of. Even if you don't "feel" anything, God's spirit is at work in you and will give you daily strength for your battle. Remember, He is fighting FOR you. He is with you. You are never alone.
4. Find something to laugh about. Laughter is such good medicine, and it's amazing how a belly laugh can suddenly make the world seem brighter. You may have to simply laugh at your toddler's mess in order to keep from crying, or laugh at your teenager's overuse of the word, "like." Put on an old comedy or read a book that brings a chuckle - and try to see the humor in each situation. Often, we become too hard on ourselves, expecting such perfection that the joy gets squeezed right out. Make a conscious effort to lighten up....life is far too short to be perfect all the time.
I found that I was NOT the same person I was before my personal tsunami.
Yes, I lost myself in there somewhere, but I came out on the other side stronger and more willing to work. More humble, more giving. I discovered a love for things I never considered before - art and writing and reading children's books and making play-doh. Those are good things that I never would have known without the years spent with my little ones, lost and lonely. I learned patience and empathy, soap stars' names and when the Price is Right came on. I learned how to get involved with my local church. And now that my kids are grown and gone, I see how those years left me richer than I could imagine. I was just unable to express it at the time, because my vocabulary had been reduced to toddler-ese. But that was part of it, too, I guess.
Losing yourself doesn't always have a bad ending. Sometimes the person you find on the other side is just the kind of person you wanted to be all along.
Today's Small Thing is to pick one of the four coping tips I've offered today - and find yourself (and your joy) in the process!
Yes, you could pick all four of them if you'd like! Why not!
And then tell us - how do YOU cope when life makes you feel a little lost? What is your persoanl favorite tip to share? What things make a difference in your life? We'd love to know.
