Home Sanctuary

How to Love What You Have

(Cue pretty music)

Ah, Pinterest. Ah, HGTV. Ah Internet.

I love how you bring images of lovely things to my sight. How you make my heart beat with desire over DIY projects and new decor. I love how my head spins with ideas and dreams for my home.

(Kill pretty music)

Bvvvvvvt. I don't love how depressed I feel later, when I see my same, tired junk. Staring me in the face, mocking my decorating dreams. I see you, dust. I see you, faded couch and sad little pillow. I'm talking to you, broken lamp and faded silk flowers. You make me feel sad and deprived. And slightly angry. My countenance falleth.

(Pretty music)

But today I will love you. I will pretend you are new and pretty and shiny. I will dust you and plump you, and primp you. I will rearrange you so that your best side shows. I will take a photo of you and share it on Instagram because I'm proud of our history together.

 

 

How can I love what I have? Here are five ways:

 

1. I shall have less of it out. I shall clear the clutter so a few lovelies can have their moment to shine.

2. I shall clean it. Perhaps a soak in water or a wipe with a damp cloth will bring them back to life. I know they will breathe easier without an inch of dust on them.

3. I shall rearrange it. I shall group them in three's, and stagger their heights so that they look like a vignette. Just like the designers do on TV.

4. I shall repurpose it. I shall think of new ways to use old things. I shall see containers, wall art and tools where others see junk. I shall be inventive and creative.

5. I shall be grateful. My things are paid for, they are family heirlooms, they are memories. They remind me that I have more than I need, when others would love to have my old couch, or my ginormous television set, things I have disdained and said, "get thee from my sight." I shall now say, "Thou art beautiful in my sight, oh my stuff, for thou art paid for."

 

Do you feel unhappy with your home and decor? Do you wish for a fairy to come along and wave a magic wand? Are you in danger of running up your credit card bill at HomeGoods, in a desperate moment?

 

Today's Small Thing is to love what you have.

 

Take one (or all) of the five tips above and make them your own. Shop your house, rearrange, repurpose, re-do. Give thanks, for thou art blessed. Truly.

And hey, why not post on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter? Please tag me so I can come and love your stuff right along with you! Tell me what you love!

Following Compassion

Compassion.

 

via Compassion

 

The word pretty much says it all.

It is mercy in action. The word "Compassion" comes from an old word that means, "to suffer with."

And there is such a need for it in this broken world. You don't have to go very far to find people in need, but sometimes a trip to the other side of the world will open your eyes to what need really looks like.

I've been following the Compassion Bloggers - four incredible writers who have journeyed to Uganda to witness what is happening there, and to tell the stories of the people they meet. The photos are unbelievable, the blog posts touching. The message is unmistakable.

I need to make room in my life for more compassion.

I've forgotten, in my busy little existence, that there are children - beautiful beings - whose tummies are rumbling as they struggle for survival in their world. Their harsh reality is so far removed from mine, and yet they are just a keyboard click away.

I've loved following the experiences of the bloggers because it's made me feel closer to the little guy, Tekalegn, who we sponsor through Compassion. I'm reminded to pray for him and his family, and to rejoice because he is being helped. He has food, and clothes and is getting an education....all because a small amount of money gets automatically withdrawn from my bank account each month. 

It costs me so little. Yet it makes an incredible difference.

Compassion's goal is to get 400 children sponsored by the end of this special trip. Please consider being part of this vital ministry. Can you imagine FOUR HUNDRED children? That's a lot of kids whose lives will be forever changed.

Want to know more? Here are the bloggers who are writing about their experiences.

• Joy the Baker
• The Nester
• Emily P. Freeman of Chatting at the Sky
• Jeff Goins

 And also the amazing Shaun Groves. 

Their trip to Uganda comes to an end in the next couple of days, but their stories will impact the world for years to come. I'm sure each of them would say that they are the ones who have been impacted the most. They've followed compassion to Uganda, but I think compassion has followed them, swallowed them. And there is something in my heart that says, "yes....me too."

I want to be swallowed by compassion.

That "mercy in action."

That "suffering with."

I want to look beyond my busy existence here to help others there. I'm reminded that this is what life is really all about.

Here is the link to Compassion....and to a child who is waiting for your mercy in action.

Help a Child

 

Are you a Compassion Sponsor? I'd love to know about the child you sponsor!

Why the Tone of Your Voice Matters

 

I was sitting in the salon, getting my hair done, when my stylist's phone rang.

"Hullo." She was clearly not happy to be speaking to the other person. She frowned.

"Yup." The conversation from this end was monosyllabic, monotone answers - and I thought maybe somebody had died or something.

She hung up without a goodbye, and I was worried about her.

"Everything OK?" I didn't want to pry, but it sounded so serious.

"Oh! Everything's fine. That was my fiance!" She smiled and started telling me about her wedding plans...but by now I was worried about her poor fiance. If that's how excited she was to talk with him now, I could only imagine what their conversations would be like in five years...or ten. I couldn't imagine that he felt much love coming his way, simply from the tone of her voice.

 

Most of us know that we can set the "thermostat" of our homes - the level of joy and sanctuary - by our own attitudes. When mama chooses to be joyful, it's pretty amazing how that feeling spreads.

But the tone of your speaking voice is another powerful tool for creating an atmosphere of love, joy and belonging. It's not just the words you say - it's HOW you say them that matters.

 

Here are five ways to change your tone:

 

1. Pay attention to how you emphasize your words.

For instance:

"I love you." Mumbled quickly, it's a sweet thing to say.

"I LOVE you." Puts the emphasis on the action of love. OH MY HEART! It's overflowing!

"I love YOU." Puts the emphasis on the person who is the object of the love. YOU! YOU SPECIAL, WONDERFUL YOU!!!

Hey, did you say the above sentences out loud? I did...just to try it out. Go ahead and try it, too. We'll wait.

 

2. Smile while you speak.

Now try saying those same sentences above WHILE SMILING.

Speaking while smiling changes the sound of the words ever so slightly. Can you hear it? Studies show that people can hear a smile over the phone, or on a commercial voice-over. A smile softens your tone immediately, and makes you slow down in your diction. It is irresistable to the hearer, and makes the listener receptive to your message.

Hey. Smile when you say hello to your husband on the phone. Act like you're happy to talk to him. Just saying.

 

3. Turn down the volume.

Are you shouting to your kids/spouse from the next room? Um, hate to say this, but you sound shrill. Be honest: Have you ever heard a woman shout attractively? Me neither. Plus you have to screw up your face and put your hands on your hips....not how you want to be remembered.

Make a habit of speaking face to face whenever possible. Don't let your kids/spouse shout to you from the other room...make them physically come and speak to you. And give them the same consideration by taking your little legs and walking to where they are.

This is how you build respect, and a tone of honor.

 

4. Take a deep breath first.

Before you launch into your mom-monologue or your rant or your scolding...take a breath. Choose your words. Cut them in half. Say them kindly. Pausing will never hurt your relationship. Lashing out with "how you really feel" cannot be taken back, and those harsh words may wound for a lifetime.

Ask for a time out, if you know you're going to explode. Walk away and say a prayer. I know this is hard, but your children need your words to be life-giving and affirming, even in discipline. You can say something like, "Please go to your room and wait. Mommy is too angry right now to talk. I'll be there in 15 minutes and we'll discuss it then." It's OK for your kids to see you angry, but it's not good for them to bear the brunt of your unbridled words. 

Ps. 141:3 Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.

 

5. Talk less.

"My kids don't listen to me," is a common complaint from moms. And, "My husband doesn't listen to me," is one as well.

Maybe, perhaps, could be.... they've tuned you out. If you are taking ten sentences to say what could be said in two, they've tuned out eight of them. Unfortunately, they may have inadvertently tuned out the most important ones. Darn it! 

Most of us simply talk too much. And sometimes our message just gets lost in all that verbiage. We think we are making it better and clearer by talking more...but actually the opposite is true. Learn to state things clearly and succinctly. You really don't have to say every single word that comes into your head.

 

Today's Small Thing is to change your tone.

 

Let the tone of your voice reflect the love you have for the people around you. Use the five tips above to radically change your home, without doing one other thing. You will be amazed at how conflicts can be diffused, attitudes can be changed, and the atmosphere can lift - simply by altering your tone.

 

Is this a challenge for you? Do you have trouble with any of these? What changes do you see when you pay attention to the tone of your voice?

How To Get More Out of Your Daily Routine

I've been looking at my (ahem) routine and wondering:

1. Why I need one in the first place, and

2. How I could get more out of it, if let's say, I had one.

 

First off, my excuse: my days are anything but routine. Some days I'm on a jobsite painting, other days I'm in my office on Facebook Twitter Pinterest writing, some days I'm cleaning like June Cleaver. You just never know. Hence, no "real" schedule.

And that may be true on the surface, but the reality is, I DO have a routine, and whether I admit it or not, it could be improved upon. I took a birds-eye view of a typical day and found that there are a few simple things I could do to make my day run more smoothly. Maybe you'd like to try these with me.

 

1. Start the day by going to bed the night before - at a regular time.

I typically crawl into bed around 10:30 and catch up on Facebook. An hour later I say, "Oh, crud! I just wasted an hour!" And then I try to fall asleep without thinking about all the funny cat videos I watched, or the distractify posts I laughed about, or everyone's dinner pictures. Julie, your Chicken Alfredo looked divine.

Discipline yourself to turn off the light at a set time.

 

2. Get up and get going.

Build in a little extra time for morning devotions and/or exercise. BHAHAHAHAHAHA.

No, really. These are both things that I tend to push to the end of the day, and by then I feel much more haphazard and less likely to follow through.

Set your alarm fifteen minutes earlier.

 

3. Do hard things first.

You know, that thing you've been putting off? That task that's tough to do? Balancing the checkbook, making that appointment, paying that bill, writing that article. It's usually not the task itself that causes stress, it's the procrastination of it that wears you down. Tackle it early.

Write down your top three things to accomplish and do those first.

 

4. Look for pockets.

Did you know that most household tasks can be done in 15 minutes or less? True. It's just that we say to ourselves, "I must clean the house and that will take four hours." And who, really, has four whole hours?

It would be better to say, "I need to fold this load of laundry and put it away." Fifteen minutes, BOOM.

Make a cheat sheet of quick tasks you can do, and bite off small chunks until it becomes a habit.

 

5. Ask yourself: What good can I do today? Ala Ben Franklin.

 

I love how Mr. Franklin asked himself this in the morning, and then again at night. It gave purpose and meaning to the rest of his routine...and I think we can all use that. It's the intentionality that makes all the difference.

Look for ways to add value to others.

 

6. Stop the leaks. Or the hemorrhages. Whichever.

I think I'm leaking time with my phone. I wrote about that recently. I'm working on checking it less so I can focus more. Maybe you're leaking time on TV or Netflix. Perhaps waiting in lines. Maybe making too many trips to the store because you're flying without a menu plan.

Simply taking a look, numbering our days and making small adjustments can shore up those leaks and make us more effective women.

And I'm all for being effective - an effective mama, an effective employee, an effective creator-lady, an effective Jesus-follower.

 ***

Do you struggle with a routine? Does the word "routine" sound nicer than "schedule?" It does to me. Let's make friends with Routine and see if she doesn't become THAT THING that takes us to the next level!

How will you use today's challenge?

Why I'm Passionate About Sanctuary

Sanctuary: Peace, Order & Beauty

 

 

January causes me to be reflective about many things, especially about the ways I use my time and energy.

For the past several years I've thought a lot about this blog and about why in the world someone like me would write daily about "mundane" things like laundry, dishes and vacuuming. I mean, I could see a more Martha Stewart-like person (highly organized and extremely creative) taking it on and showing the world how it should be done....but me?

Laughable.

I'm the one who naturally puts off all those things in favor of daydreaming and making up stories. Making piles, er "stacks" is my signature organizational style. Hardly something to emulate.

And yet, here I am. For the past six of my seven blogging years, I've posted daily Small Things - simple, easy tasks - that revolve around the home. Not because I'm passionate about cleaning, but because I'm passionate about sanctuary: the idea that my home should be a place of refuge and grace for the people I love. I want this place to feel good to come home to. Housekeeping is (unfortunately) a big part of creating that for my family, but really, it's just one piece of the puzzle.

You see, I've learned that a home sanctuary is a three-legged stool. It takes three things to make home feel like a place of belonging:

 

Peace, Order and Beauty.

 

I've written about them many times before, and I always seem to come back to this trio because they are so interwoven. When I have some semblance of order at home, there is a sense of peace that comes. Being able to find a matching pair of socks brings an incredible feeling of happiness to me. Seeing a sink, empty of dirty dishes, makes my heart soar. I've found amazing beauty in a coffee table devoid of candy wrappers and soda cans. And making small changes in my attitude has affected my family relationships in a big way. Every single task I do seems to fall into one of these three categories - and I find that just knowing THAT gives me a sense of purpose.

I've learned that Small Things matter.

I'm passionate about sharing that sanctuary is not just for the Martha Stewarts of this world. Tired women with too much on their plates can make it happen - in small ways every day.

You don't need to be able to reupholster a chair before breakfast to be a supermom. You don't have to create an amazing centerpiece out of fresh greenery you've cut from your backyard and then photograph it beautifully in order to be a successful homemaker. It really is OK to clutch your cup of coffee like a life raft in the morning and shuffle around until you are conscious. It's OK that the laundry is piled up and that your kids are having cold cereal for dinner again. Really, making a sanctuary is about so much more than that.

 

Sanctuary is about loving one another inside these four walls.

 

Sometimes loving someone means sorting socks for them. Sometimes it means planning a menu or setting up a housekeeping schedule so you can focus on other things. Sometimes it means locking the door and taking a long bubble bath without anyone bothering you. Sometimes is means that you rearrange a bookshelf or empty the dishwasher - tasks that are housekeeping in nature but are in fact, ways of loving yourself and your family. And when you see these mundane tasks for what they really are, suddenly you see sanctuary happening all around you.

 

Today's Small Thing is to commit yourself to creating a home sanctuary.

 

You are not committing to being a superwoman - we know we can't keep that up for more than a week, tops. What you ARE committing to is a deliberate choice to find beauty in each day, no matter how difficult your circumstances. It's there, and God will help you find it - I know he will. Commit to doing ONE thing - a Small Thing from here at Home Sanctuary or something of your own choosing - that brings a touch of peace, order or beauty into your home. I'm here to help you do that each day.

What we do here isn't hard. It's not rocket science. It's not revolutionary.

But it's powerful.

 

Small steps have the power to create sanctuary.

 

They have the power to change your life because big things happen in small, daily efforts. God takes the tiniest bit that we have and adds to it in a mighty way. If you have just a shred of faith and hope that he can make something good happen, then stay along with me this year, 2014. We'll do our little part....and then leave the rest to him. Watch a miracle take place in your home - one Small Thing at a time. I hope you'll subscribe to the daily blog feed via email or blog reader (link is at the top right corner of my blog) so you won't miss a thing. And then subscribe to my newsletter, which comes out only occasionally. These are easy ways to stay connected with me and the rest of the Company Girls as we create home sanctuaries together.

What is one thing you can do today to bring a bit of peace, order or beauty into your home?

 

My Purse isn't Fat, It's Just All Farty and Bloaty

The Big Purse via Diane Kruger for Chanel - Huffington Post

 

Remember that time when my purse started to fart? And it kept on farting?

In public?

True story. My purse had flatulence.

I was wandering aimlessly through Blockbuster (you know, where we used to rent movies?), hoping to find something suitably entertaining. And that's when the farts started.

That's right.  My bag farted.

Again and again.  Loud, juicy "phhhhhts" of extruded gas.

I looked down at the bloated handbag hanging from my shoulder, and knew immediately what had caused its gas. 

One aisle over, doubled over in laughter, was Grayson (age 14 at the time). In his hand was a small remote with a button for activating a little portable machine which he had recently acquired at the church garage sale.

A remote-controlled Fart Machine.

Which he'd secretly placed in my purse. (What is it with boys and bodily function jokes?)

"It's going off by itself! I swear!" he said through his laughter. "Look!" He held out his palm and the fart sounds just kept on rolling from my purse without his thumb touching the button.

I couldn't help it....I started laughing with him and we had to hang on to the DVD racks to keep from falling over. With each new "phhhhhhht" we tried to suppress our giggles, which only made it funnier. We exited Blockbuster without a shred of dignity.

My purse lost a bit of weight when I took the guilty machine out, but even now it's far too overweight for its bone structure. It just keeps eating things like paper and receipts, and you KNOW what too much fiber will do. A slimmed-down purse is far more attractive and much less likely to have gas.

 

If you're feeling overwhelmed with life in general,

and you're gasping for some fresh air but don't know where to start....then start with your purse. Today.

Give it a detox, a "cleanse."

A flush, if you will.

 

Today's Small Thing is to help your purse shed some weight by cleaning it out. 

 

Reduce the excess tonnage by removing everything but the bare essentials.  Try using small ziplocks to contain things like cosmetics or other small items.  I'd say it's time to let the receipts from Christmas go. I will remove the business cards I collected from a conference in October. That should help.

 

CONFESSION TIME! What is the oddest, oldest or most useless thing in your purse? GO!

God is in the Waiting, or, The Book that Took Seven Years

Last week, I signed a two-book contract with Tyndale Momentum.

 

 

Flash, the Donkey - The Stray Burro Who Taught Me about Life, Faith and Second Chances, is really going to be a book! With pages and everything!

Notice how much self-discipline I had in limiting my use of exclamation points to just one each in the above sentences? Because I really wanted to use about ten!!!!!!!!!!

Can I tell you what a thrill it is to see my name on this line? Let me tell you, it's a thrill.

 

I am so very excited to be with Tyndale. The process of deciding on the *right* publisher for this unique story was not easy. I ended up with five offers, all from major publishers, all with great possibilities. I fell in love with each of them as we conferenced and talked about how to make this book a reality. But my acquisition editor at Tyndale was so passionate, had such amazing ideas and was such a champion, that in the end the choice was clear. Flash has a new home. And he is getting his own book. I couldn't be happier.

 

May I share something personal with you?

 

Signing this contract was a long, long time in coming for me. There was a lot of waiting. Seven years of blogging. Fifteen years of bootstrapping. Twenty-six years of mothering. Fifty years of life experience. Lots of failures, lots of dreams, and many fluctuations in weight. Several hairstyles, not all of them flattering. I regret that.

There has been no overnight success. Just a lot of work - and faith and hope - to get here. And plenty of waiting.

But God was in the waiting. He always is.

I think of others who waited: David, Sarah, Abraham, Joseph and Hannah, just to name a few. The Bible is filled with characters who waited on God's timing for the right moment. In fact, most of our beloved stories involve some kind of waiting.

I've learned a few things as I've waited.

Waiting matures you.

Waiting gives time for your vision to develop.

Waiting gives you a chance to prepare.

Waiting means that you must trust God on His timing.

Waiting is part of God's process.

Maybe you are waiting, cooling your heels, wondering when, and if, THAT THING will ever happen for you. Maybe you're thinking God's forgotten all about you. Or maybe He's not even in this thing anymore. You're getting tired of the process.

I can assure you: He has not forgotten you. He is preparing you, writing your story, giving you time to mature and prepare. And He will show you if you need to alter your course. He's not going to let you down.

In the meantime, trust Him. He is in your waiting.

Psalm 37:7 says: Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.

I love this.

Rest, wait, draw near. And in the meantime, work and prepare and hope and trust. His timing is always perfect, His plans are always for good, His ways are always higher than ours. His love is infinite, and His grace unceasing. Never doubt that.

Don't let the waiting keep you from experiencing all He has for you today, in this moment, right now. He is here.

 

Are you tired of waiting? Feeling impatient? I get that. What are you waiting on, and how can I pray for you?

 

You Belong to Me

"You belong to me."

 

These are some of the most wonderful, powerful words that can ever be spoken....or heard.

Has anyone ever told you that? A parent, or a husband, or a friend? Maybe a grandparent?

Maybe you've never once heard them, but wish you had.

These words are special because they are part of a larger story. They hold meaning and history and love and fierceness and ownership. They mean identity and a sense of place. They mean comfort and protection and nurture.

They mean connectedness.

They mean home.

Sometimes we get busy with life and we shout, "Love you!" as a car door closes, or whisper our "Love yous" as we turn out the light, with a kiss and a hug. These are important and wonderful to our kids and spouses. But I wonder how often we take the time to look in their eyes and say:

 

You are mine.

You belong to me.

There is no greater gift I've been given in this world - than you.

 

Psychology tells us that "belongingness" is one of the most powerful human needs in the world. In fact, it is listed as one of the top 5 needs of a human, which compels much of the activity in the world. Connecting with others, giving and receiving love, identifying with something larger than yourself...these are all part of the belonging that each of us craves.

Giving your children a sense of belonging is one of the most important things you can do for them. They will go out into the world and learn that they don't belong to the popular crowd, or to the iphone5 crowd, or that they don't go to the right school or drive the right car to belong in a group they think is cool. They'll feel excluded from friendships and denied acceptance at the lunch table. They won't be invited to a birthday party, which is the most horrible of horrors. They will doubt their place in this world. It will happen.

But they will always belong to you. You will always see the best in them. You'll see their talents and their abilities and the way their eyes light up when they talk about dinosaurs or legos or pancakes. You'll see how they shine, how they fail, how they try and how they hurt. You'll see everything about them and notice all the details...because they are yours.

And they will always have that deep sense of belonging in their heart because you gave it to them.

There is strength in it. There is power. And even when the time comes that your teenager doesn't really want to be seen with you in public, they will always know deep down...that they belong to you, and there is safety in that knowledge.

 

Today's Small Thing is to say, "You belong to me." 

 

Maybe the words feel awkward and a little corny. You don't know how to pop that into a conversation. But perhaps tonight, when the light is out and little heads are tucked on pillows, you should lean in close and whisper.

"You are mine. I love you, and you belong to me. I will never let you go. You are my gift, my light, my joy."

And maybe they'll say, "Aw, mom! Yuck!" But they will smile in the dark, because they belong somewhere. To someone.

To you.

And that, my dear friend, is more precious than anything.

 

Tell me your story of belonging: do you feel a sense of belonging? Do your children know - through your words and actions - that they belong? How did they respond to your words today?

 

Hands Free

A recent study by Locket, an app that counts how often cell phone users unlock their phones, found that the average user checks his phone about 110 times each day.

WHAT??

I only check mine about FIFTY times a day. Who are these people??

These people are us - you and me. Some studies suggest that the average count is more like 150 times a day. But if you think about checking your phone for everything from phone calls, emails, text messages, the time, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, Words with Friends, etc. that's roughly 8 times an hour in an 18 hour period.

Guilty. But of course, I have to keep up with Social Media for my blog and all that....sigh. It's still just too much, and that's the honest truth.

I've challenged myself to go Hands Free more often.

To set down my phone and be present in the moment. To enjoy the people I'm actually WITH, and not be caught up in conversations taking place in the Twitterverse. To wear a watch and not "check the time...oh, and email" every hour.

We miss so much of life when we are glued to our phones and our devices. We miss long periods of silence, and thinking, and looking into the faces of people we love. We miss the car rides and the radio and the conversations that happen in little moments not filled with social media overload.

We miss learning. And reading or studying for hours at a time, without distraction. I worry for kids these days. If I struggle as an adult, how much more do they struggle to focus?

I think the best thing we can do, for the quality of our lives and our children's lives, is to go Hands Free as much as we can.

I love Rachel Macy Stafford's Hands Free Mama  posts, and now I've discovered that this awesome writer has a new book. I can't wait to read it.

 

A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters!

 

I believe that the quality of our lives will improve in direct proportion to the time we spend less distracted.

 

Today's Small Thing - yes, I can't get away from these - is to go Hands Free.

 

Try it for an hour. See if you break out in hives, or see if you survive, but just barely. Perhaps - I hope - you'll LOVE it. Could you go half a day? A whole day? Maybe it's unrealistic to do that, but certainly being aware, and putting our phones and ipads away whenever possible can only be a good thing.

Let's savor life. Let's stop missing it.

 

I'd love to know how your "Hands Free" challenge goes. What do you notice when you put down your device?

**I'm an Amazon Affiliate, which means I might make enough to buy a cup of coffee with my earnings this year when you purchase through my links. I only link to things I believe in, that are already part of what I'm writing about. Feel no pressure.

 

When You Lose Yourself, Not in a Good Way

I love to lose myself in a good book. In fact, I become SO lost in stories that I forget things like, say, pulling meat from the freezer, turning off the tap water (yes), and closing cabinet doors. I become absent-minded, all because I'm absorbed in the story.

But there was another time that I lost myself, but not in nearly such a charming way. In the thick of motherhood, with three kids under seven, and a husband who worked ridiculously long hours...I could not remember the person I was before the tsunami of life hit. It's not that I didn't love being an at-home mommy - I DID - I just felt like I couldn't remember if I even liked reading, or if there was even life beyond Sesame Street. I was really into Grover at the time, and then I realized just how myopic my life had become. But Super Grover really was my hero.

I could not carry on an adult conversation.

I have friends who have experienced this type of thing when dealing with a husband's illness, or a demanding job, or the loss of a loved one. You just lose yourself in the thick of trying to keep your head above water. It's almost like part of you shuts down so that only the very essence of you can survive.

 

Here are four things that have helped me find my way again.

1. Realize that this is only a season. You will not always have babies clinging to you, bawling their little eyes out. You will not always be in dire straits, or having to work this hard. Your situation is temporary. Maybe it's a loooong temporary, but it IS a season, and this too shall pass.

2. Carve out some time for yourself. This is so hard, especially when you are a care-giver, but you simply MUST fill up your own emotional tank. You cannot give when you are on "E." Coffee with a friend, a walk in the park, a movie date, your favorite craft....do something that is balm to your soul. Be intentional about it, and don't talk yourself out of it. {says the martyr, who always talked herself out of it}

3. Don't neglect your spiritual life. When you feel lost and alone, sometimes the last thing you feel like doing is a Bible Study. But take a verse and post it where you can see it. Pray the scripture and thank God for every single gift you can think of. Even if you don't "feel" anything, God's spirit is at work in you and will give you daily strength for your battle. Remember, He is fighting FOR you. He is with you. You are never alone.

4. Find something to laugh about. Laughter is such good medicine, and it's amazing how a belly laugh can suddenly make the world seem brighter. You may have to simply laugh at your toddler's mess in order to keep from crying, or laugh at your teenager's overuse of the word, "like." Put on an old comedy or read a book that brings a chuckle - and try to see the humor in each situation. Often, we become too hard on ourselves, expecting such perfection that the joy gets squeezed right out. Make a conscious effort to lighten up....life is far too short to be perfect all the time.

 

I found that I was NOT the same person I was before my personal tsunami.

Yes, I lost myself in there somewhere, but I came out on the other side stronger and more willing to work. More humble, more giving. I discovered a love for things I never considered before - art and writing and reading children's books and making play-doh. Those are good things that I never would have known without the years spent with my little ones, lost and lonely. I learned patience and empathy, soap stars' names and when the Price is Right came on. I learned how to get involved with my local church. And now that my kids are grown and gone, I see how those years left me richer than I could imagine. I was just unable to express it at the time, because my vocabulary had been reduced to toddler-ese. But that was part of it, too, I guess.

Losing yourself doesn't always have a bad ending. Sometimes the person you find on the other side is just the kind of person you wanted to be all along.

 

Today's Small Thing is to pick one of the four coping tips I've offered today - and find yourself (and your joy) in the process!

 

Yes, you could pick all four of them if you'd like! Why not!

And then tell us - how do YOU cope when life makes you feel a little lost? What is your persoanl favorite tip to share? What things make a difference in your life? We'd love to know.