As I've been home by myself this week, I've been thinking. You know, since there's been no one to talk to, thinking seemed like a good alternative to yakking to myself.
My mind has been flitting, settling and flitting again, on the idea of "seasons of life," and how I can feel my own season changing. Not long ago, I could never have imagined spending four hours by myself, let alone a whole week! Wow, I would have given anything for just a few moments with no little people talking to me, asking me for things, making me watch them do tricks with their toes, or arguing with a sibling about who got more. I'd collapse into bed and wish, oh wish, I could get away for an afternoon, or hey, I'd settle for an uninterrupted moment in the bathroom.
Those weren't easy days.
But they were good days.
And for each moment I wanted to run away, there were a hundred more that I felt my heart would burst with love and joy for these beautiful children and their chaos.
I have to be vulnerable for a moment here and say that I'm sad to see that season slip away. I'm a year into this "empty nest " thing and I don't like talking about it in the past tense, as if it is over and done. I love being a mom, and I miss the days of having a baby on the hip and crayons on the floor. I wish the two babies we lost were here, because they'd still be growing up, and arguing over who got more, and making me laugh with their funny ways. Yes, I love this quiet house and I feel I've earned some time to myself, but to be honest, I feel a sense of mourning that something beautiful is gone...and an uncertainty about what the future holds for me.
{sigh}
In the middle of all this mucking about, I thought about Ecclesiastes 3 and the poignant words found there:
Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.
I'm reminded again that God knows the seasons of our lives - the moments, the hours and days that go into the stories He has written for us. Just as I could not have imagined the beauty and the work and the heartache and the joy that my motherhood years would hold, I cannot imagine what things lie ahead in this new season. I can only trust that He has thought everything through and will be with me as I go into uncharted waters. Perhaps there is beauty and work and heartache and joy - everything that has made the past so spectacular - in what is ahead and I can't yet see it.
And so I trust. And hope. And believe. That He is God of our life's seasons and He will make everything beautiful in its time.
And it will be good.
Are you in a new season of life?
Maybe you are a new mom, like my daughter Lauren, and you are in uncharted waters too. Perhaps you are recently single, or are making a move or taking a different job. When things change, we feel the earth move beneath our feet and become afraid that we'll never find a firm footing again. That's just where I am today.
But....I know this and I cling to it: God is faithful.
He keeps us in his loving care and sets our feet on solid ground. We will find our firm footing if we trust Him.
Psalm 40:2 ...He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
On Fridays, I open up my blog for "Company Girl Coffee," a simple link-up for friends. If you are a blogger, I hope you'll add your blog to the list so we can get to know you. If you are not a blogger, feel free to chat with us in the comments. Let us know who you are and what is going on in your life. We are all on a journey - we have Company Girls from college-age to great-grandmothers - and we've found a common thread here. Love for our families, faith in God, hope for the future and the power of small things done in love.
