My recent episode with the Men's Room in Walmart reminded me that it's been awhile since we've talked about this here little story:
The newly constructed house was a beehive of activity. Every work crew was there, from the plumbers and painters to the landscapers and electricians. Everyone was trying to finish the house on time, and I was in the middle of it. The mural I was working on was taking longer than I had anticipated so I was painting as fast as I could to beat the clock. I kept thinking I would take a break, but it was a 20 minute drive to town and I didn't want to take the time, so I kept going.
Oh. Important side note: I should tell you that there was no electricity in the house. Or running water. That meant that there were no functioning potties. In fact, the toilets had not even been installed.
Not a problem at 9 am.
BIG PROBLEM AT 4:30 p.m.
Late that afternoon I suddenly realized that the uncomfortably full feeling in my bladder was now excruciating and I was about to experience a disastrous accident.
I looked around. There were people EVERYWHERE. A bush was out of the question. The port-a-potty was tipped over, plus I don't care how bad I had to go, I would never use one at a construction site, EVER. A bumpy drive to town? I would never make it.
By now, I was starting to panic. I spied an empty Big Gulp cup and knew I would have to use it. But where? I grabbed it and started looking for a private location. Everywhere I turned, there were people--all men. I felt like everyone was watching me carrying this cup, looking for privacy. Did they know? Could they tell? Lord, pleeeeze help me hold it! Those darn pregnancies...
Finally, I found a closet. It was pitch dark in there. Perfect.
Only there were no handles on the doors yet, just round holes where they would go. Great, just great. I couldn't even lock the doors, and there were two. I'd have to take my chances that no one would come through the one at the other end of the closet.
I had no choice. I shut the door. I fumbled with the zipper. I set the cup down and squatted, holding it upright with one hand while reaching up to hold the door closed with the other hand over the door knob hole, balancing precariously over the cup, my knees about to give out...all in the pitch black darkness. Dear God, please don't let anyone come barreling through that other door!
Honey, I filled that Big Gulp cup right up to the brim.
The relief was euphoric! Yes! YESSSS!
But short-lived.
Now I have a very full Big Gulp cup on my hands. What am I going to do with it? I gathered myself and tried to look nonchalant as I left the dark closet with that full cup. There was literally NO PLACE to pour it out without being seen. I cannot believe I am walking around with a huge cup of warm pee.
I decided I would drive it to a nearby empty lot. I carried it to the truck and set it in the cup-holder. Lord have mercy, I'm driving with urine in my cup-holder!
But no, not so fast. Just as I'm pulling out, the foreman pulls up in his gigantic truck and wants to chat through the window. My mouth is moving, but my mind is only on the very full Big Gulp cup sitting in plain view of this man. Am I making any sense? Will he think that's lemonade? Beer? Please let him think that's beer! (I don't drink but, hey.)
Finally! He stops yakking and I smile a polite "good-bye" and drive slowly away so I won't jostle the liquid. Seriously, the cup was that full.
Well, I learned MY lesson! A 40ish woman who's had 3 kids and no bladder control has no business ignoring nature's call or there will be consequences.
And always, ALWAYS have a Big Gulp cup on hand, just in case of emergency.
Today's Small Thing is in the next post.
