After spotting all week, my miscarriage finally ended early Sunday morning. I woke up around 3 am with cramps and from there it took its course.
All I can say is....it was awful. I would never wish it on anyone.
And it's finally over.
I just want to express how much your comments and emails have meant to me. I knew it was a risk to share my excitement over finding out we were having a baby, when there was a good chance that it would end like this. But, in my heart, I felt that whatever the outcome would be, I would need some hand-holding along the way. And Tom and I truly believed that, in spite of the statistics, this baby was "meant to be."
It's just too raw to talk about yet. But we are trying to find comfort in knowing that a small soul was created, and then got a free pass to heaven. To miss the pain and sorrow and sin of this world and go straight into an eternal home is a wonderful thought. I will try and think about that when the sadness over what we are missing here on earth fills my mind.
And part of me wonders about how this chapter will end, because I still can't shake the feeling that there is more to be written. That isn't for me to know or understand right now. Perhaps the story is taking place beyond the bonds of this earth, I don't know. I just don't get it yet.
But your thoughts and prayers have been so sweet through all of this, and we deeply appreciate them. Thank you again.
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
I will return tomorrow with the Small Things! I have missed doing them with all of you.