I love irony, except when it affects me negatively.
For example, the quote "Physician, Heal Thyself," brings its sudsy corollary to mind:
Wash Machine, Wash Thyself.
My friends, is it not ironic that the very appliance that stands for whitening the whitest whites, and cleansing the very fibers of our beings would become the soul of washed-up grime? That he whose waters pulse with the touch of a button would be unable to rid himself of the downy slime that softens the clothes he caresses?
I know it agitates him to think that I might regard him with such disdain, but in fact, it is with pity that I look upon him. Yes, I pity Mr. W. Machine and his cohort, Mr. Dryer. They stand shoulder to shoulder in brave defense against the filth and armpit stench that assault them day after day. The grass stains, the dripped mustard and the occasional barf would strike fear into the hearts of lesser appliances, and yet they do their duty with masterful teamwork.
And still.
The emergence of the self-cleaning oven has uncovered a glaring deficiency in Mr. Wash Machine's character that can no longer be ignored. Surely, if an oven, whose sole purpose is to bake things like lasagne, can clean itself, then a why can't a wash machine be designed with the same sensibilities?
Oh, I know he thinks there's nothing a good rinse cycle can't fix. And I know that he can spin a good yarn when it comes to defending his "spotless" record. But he can't stand against the tide of evidence that one look at his smooth operation exposes.
Bouncy goo in the softener dispenser.
Dust upon his cycle display.
Stickiness of the dials.
General malaise around the edges.
Yes, he gets things clean alright. But I stand by my ironic theory that he who cleans others should clean himself.
POINTS: 30 for taking Mr. Wash Machine to task. If he refuses to clean up his act, you'll have to do it for him. A proper spritzing with a cleaning solution and a wipe with a paper towel should show him how it's done, and that's today's Small Thing.
BONUS: 20 for spanking Mr. Dryer with the same treatment. He's too full of hot air for his own good.
