Home Sanctuary

Do you miss independence?

Let's finish out this week of sweet Small Things with a song to celebrate the loss of independence.

Huh?

I've got admit, I just love the rock-out greatness of this song by Kelly Clarkson.  But the lyrics reminded me of something important.

See, yesterday wasn't what I'd call the best Valentine's Day.  From start to finish, things went wrong, I made several blunders, and my husband and I were both out of sorts.  Inside, I crawled into my independent shell and decided I was tired of getting my feelings hurt.  I started building up that old brick wall around my heart that says "keep out."   

Of course, when you work with your mate, it's a little awkward to keep your emotional distance.  We moved around each other like stiff tin men on our job site, squeezed on a small 5 x 9 foot scaffold level together, 12 feet off the ground.  Oh, that was fun.

But as the day wore on I realized that my heart needed a little work.  Having a love that's real means that you will get hurt sometimes.  And you will hurt the one you love, even when you don't mean to. 

And that real love starts dying the moment you start building walls to "protect" yourself.

I found out in doing research for yesterday's Small Thing that there is now a Language of Apology.  Man, I need a crash course in how to speak my husband's language, because I owe him one.  Or two.  I need to do what it takes to get back on track, no matter who's "at fault."

How about you?  Are you keeping your distance from someone who's hurt your feelings?  Are you feeling defensive and alone in your principles?

Today's Small Thing is to do something, anything, to enhance a relationship. You could do something fun, like go to a movie with a friend or mate.  You could make a phone call.  Or you could make amends to someone, like I'm going to do today.  The sky is the limit!

This week has been all about doing Small Things in our relationships.  Today is the proverbial "icing on the cake!"  Take a chance and make something good happen with someone you care about!

POINTS:  40 for saying good-bye to independence. 

Let us know!  What are you doing to connect with someone you love today?

Nature's Call, Part 4

Of all the Nature Calls that tug on our hearts, perhaps the strongest and deepest is the question,

"Am I loved?"

It's a question that echoes through the most private recesses of our very being. 

We need to be loved. Deeply.

And we need to FEEL loved. Meaningfully.

Gary Chapman, in his books about the Five Love Languages, teaches that we actually speak (and understand) specific love languages.  You are probably familiar with this idea, and it's brilliant.  It really revolutionized how we express love within our family, because we started learning how to "speak" each other's language.  In  nutshell, the languages are:

Quality Time: focused attention, sharing, talking, shared activities

Gift-Giving: visual symbols of love

Physical Touch and Affection: hugs, pats, hand-holding, etc.

Words of Affirmation: verbal appreciation, encouragement

Acts of Service: serving in a sacrificial way

It started making sense that one child would feel loved when I would spend time with him (watching him play) and another would feel loved when I would help her clean her room.  I know I sure feel loved when my husband washes dishes or fills the gas tank.  It's more than the words, "I love you," it's the actions that speak right to the heart.

There's a 30 second quiz here.  And here's how to spot your child's love language.

When we meet each other's emotional needs, we "fill our tanks."  In our children, we'll see better behavior (gimme a high five on that) and fewer conflicts (five on the side!)  When their tank is full, they are free to think and grow and BE.  The same is true in marriage.  Oh, I love it when we are speakin the same language!

Today's Small Thing is to spend a few minutes considering your child's (and/or spouse's) Love Language.  Does he beam when you help him with one of his chores?  Is she extra sweet when you've given her a lot of hugs?  Do encouraging words light him up?  Take the easy quizzes and then look for ways to speak their language.

Answering your child's question, "Am I loved?" with a resounding "YES!" will give him security and confidence to go out into a world that is often harsh and unforgiving.  He will have an inner strength and courage to face whatever life brings.

It's what we ALL want.  It's what we ALL need.  And it's ours to give and receive.

Happy Valentine's Day!!  I love you girls!

POINTS:  20 for taking the 30 second quiz

BONUS: 10 for each family member's language you can identify  (if you're single, go with a room-mate, sibling, parent or friend)

EUREKA!!  This would make a great game to play as a family!  Who's on??

And what's YOUR Love Language?

Nature's Call, Part 3

Don't you love knowing that when you are playing with play-dough or throwing snowballs you aren't just "wasting time" but you are answering your child's need to belong?  When they start pestering you to pay attention to them, that's really their heart speaking.

But there's another Question on their hearts that they need an answer for.  It is:

"Am I significant?"

Some of us are still asking that question.  It means "Do I matter?  What is my place in the world?  Do I have value?" The question of significance goes way down deep in our souls.

Your home life is the best place to start answering that question.  You can do that for your children by providing opportunities to learn important life skills and character development. 

That's a fancy way of saying give them responsibilities and help them gain self-esteem.

OH YEAH!  Chores! Responsibilities!  Feeling good!

Trying to break this "Nature Call" down into one Small Thing is like trying to eat an elephant in one sitting.  So while you think about this concept as a whole, let's just take one little bite of it for today.

Character development and self-esteem come from learning to contribute to your family's operation.  In other words, it's not good for Junior to sit on his rear in front of the TV while you slave away with all the household responsibilities. 

Giving children manageable and age-appropriate chores helps them realize their significance to your family, and eventually to the bigger world.

Your Small Thing today is NOT to create an Excel spreadsheet with a complicated chore chart for your kids.  We'll do that some other time.  Today, I want you to think of ONE THING that your child could begin to master, and then imagine how you might help him work toward it.  This could be a chore, but it could also be a life skill, like tying shoes or riding a bike or loading a wash machine. 

How can you encourage him to learn this skill?  Make it as do-able and pleasurable as possible.

Finding Significance in life is a gift.  It happens when you have someone patiently encouraging you again and again to keep trying, keep working, keep putting effort into it.  As a parent, it is one of the most exasperating and frustrating experiences.  But it is also one of the most exhilarating.

Because when you're helping your child answer one of his Nature Calls, you're also answering your own. 

POINTS: 30 for identifying a skill/chore to master (perhaps consult with your child on this)

BONUS: 10 for finding a way to encourage it (verbal praise, chart, reward, etc.)

40 points max, even if you have a boatload (or is it "buttload??") of kids....

If your children aren't old enough for "life skills" (i.e. still working on that first tooth) or if they are grown, encourage someone you know who is significant in your life by telling them how they've impacted you.  And hey, take 30 points for sharing some Home Sanctuary Love!

Tell us about it!  I LOVE reading what you girls are doing!!!

Nature's Call, Part 2

 

There are three "Nature Calls" that are indelibly printed on our souls.  They are in the form of questions that we begin asking early in life.  If you have children, they are already asking you these questions, but often in ways we don't recognize.  Creating a Home Sanctuary is all about answering those deep questions of the heart for each family member.  It's really the thing that makes your home "feel good."

Last month, I touched on the first important Question that must be answered, which is:

"Where do I belong?"

Your children, your spouse, your loved ones all need to know, "You belong right here.  You belong to this family.  You belong to me."

That's a powerful, powerful thought.  We did something really simple to create a sense of belonging, and that was to know each other better.  See, I have a special bond with the people who know me best, those who have taken the time to see the real me.

But there's another way to express belonging, and that's Today's Small Thing.  It's so easy that its significance is often overlooked.

A deep sense of belonging happens when you share experiences and make memories together.  And I'm not talking about ski trips or visits to Disney World. 

I'm talking about the daily moments that take much less effort, but reap far greater rewards. 

It's the popcorn and movies on the couch. 

It's the board games. 

The dish-washing. 

The living-room wrestling matches.

The bed-time stories.

It's the things you do together that are unique to your family.

Making memories is less about creating photo-ops and more about building a life which, when reflected upon, gives you that warm feeling of belonging to something special.  The life you make will never be picture-perfect, but when you've made it together, well. 

You really have something there.

Today's Small Thing:  Do something with someone you love to build a library of good memories.  Share a story, split a cookie, play a game.  You choose! Let them know how glad you are that they belong to you.

POINTS: 40

Then let us know what you're doing!  After all, we Company Girls belong to each other!

Today's Small Thing, but first: an embarrassing story to illustrate my point

The newly constructed house was a beehive of activity.  Every work crew was there, from the plumbers and painters to the landscapers and electricians.  Everyone was trying to finish the house on time, and I was in the middle of it.  The mural I was working on was taking longer than I had anticipated so I was painting as fast as I could to beat the clock.  I kept thinking I would take a break, but it was a 20 minute drive to town and I didn't want to take the time, so I kept going.

Oh.  Important side note: I should tell you that there was no electricity in the house.  Or running water.  That meant that there were no functioning potties.  In fact, the toilets had not even been installed. 

Not a problem at 9 am.

BIG PROBLEM AT 4:30 p.m.

Late that afternoon I suddenly realized that the uncomfortably full feeling in my bladder was now excruciating and I was about to experience a disastrous accident.

I looked around.  There were people EVERYWHERE.  A bush was out of the question.  The port-a-potty was tipped over, plus I don't care how bad I had to go, I would never use one at a construction site, EVER.  A bumpy drive to town?  I would never make it.

By now, I was starting to panic.  I spied an empty Big Gulp cup and knew I would have to use it.  But where?  I grabbed it and started looking for a private location.  Everywhere I turned, there were people--all men.  I felt like everyone was watching me carrying this cup, looking for privacy.  Did they know?  Could they tell?  Lord, pleeeeze help me hold it!  Those darn pregnancies...

Finally, I found a closet.  It was pitch dark in there.  Perfect.

Only there were no handles on the doors yet, just round holes where they would go.  Great, just great.  I can't even lock the doors, and there were two.  I'd have to take my chances that no one would come through the one at the other end of the closet.

I had no choice.  I shut the door. I fumbled with the zipper.  I set the cup down and squatted, holding it upright with one hand while reaching up to hold the door closed with the other hand over the door knob hole, balancing precariously over the cup, my knees about to give out...all in the pitch black darkness. Dear God, please don't let anyone come barreling through that other door!

Honey, I filled that Big Gulp cup right up to the brim.

The relief was euphoric!  Yes!  YESSSS! 

But short-lived.

Now I have a very full Big Gulp cup on my hands.  What am I going to do with it?  I gathered myself and tried to look nonchalant as I left the dark closet with that full cup.  There was literally NO PLACE to pour it out without being seen.  I cannot believe I am walking around with a huge cup of warm pee.

I decided I would drive it to a nearby empty lot.  I carried it to the truck and set it in the cup-holder.  Lord have mercy, I'm driving with urine in my cup-holder!

But no, not so fast.  Just as I'm pulling out, the builder pulls up in his gigantic F3500 truck and wants to chat through the window.  My mouth is moving, but my mind is only on the very full Big Gulp cup sitting in plain view of this man.  Am I making any sense?  Will he think that's lemonade?  Beer?  Please let him think that's beer! (I don't drink but, hey.)

Finally!  He stops yakking and I smile a polite "good-bye" and drive slowly away so I won't jostle the liquid.  Seriously, the cup was that full.

Well, I learned MY lesson!  A 40ish woman who's had 3 kids and no bladder control has no business ignoring nature's call or there will be consequences.

And always, ALWAYS have a Big Gulp cup on hand, just in case of emergency.

Don't Ignore Nature's Call, Part 1

I do hope you've taken the time to read my deeply spiritual story in preface to today's Small Thing.  I KNOW you come here for the enlightened spiritual teaching I serve up each day....;)

You know, it's amazing how God has made our physical bodies.  They work beautifully when you take care of them like you're supposed to.  He's put natural laws in place that you just can't ignore without some serious repercussions.  You must eat.  You must sleep.  You must go to the bathroom. (See embarrassing story above.)  That's the way they're made to function.

And just like our physical selves have built-in needs, our emotional selves do, too.  Emotional "nature calls," you could say.  They are needs that must be met or there will be serious consequences.

But I've made you read too much today, so I will talk about those Nature Calls the rest of this week along with our Small Things!  I LOVE this subject because it affects our Sanctuaries so profoundly.  Promise you'll stay tuned each day?

So for today, let's take care of the physical Nature Call Center and give your potties a quick scrub.  Do it fast and move on.  Don't forget the outside and handles (the germiest parts) and then hang on for the rest of this week! 

POINTS: 30 for cleaning one toilet

BONUS POINTS: 10 for each additional toilet you might have.

 

Small Things....Your Way

I LOVE FRIDAYS!  When my kids were little we used to put "Fun Fridays' on our summer calendar so we'd have something to look forward to.  We would do a craft or take an outing somewhere...just SOMETHING planned to keep the summer from getting away from us without ever getting around to the fun stuff.  (Plus it cut down on the whining to do something big and fun EVERYDAY.)

In the spirit of the old Fun Fridays, I'm going to offer up a Small Thing, Your Way!  I'd like you to take a look at your To Do list and then....throw it away.

OK, OK. I know you can't throw away your To Do list!  But how about you just put it aside for a few minutes and think about a Small Thing that YOU might like to do! 

Life is full of big and small things that are required of us.  It seems like there is little opportunity to put things into our calendars that are meaningful and significant to us.  I'm amazed at how recharged I am when I take the time to read a novel or plant some flowers or call a friend.  But those are the things I Ieave to be done AFTER my To Do list gets completed.

I'm still waiting for the day my To Do list gets "done."  And in the meantime, I have a stack of unread books by my bed, empty flower pots and calls not made.  I don't plan personal pleasure into my day. 

I'm not talking about a full day at a spa (although wouldn't THAT be nice!), I'm talking about much simpler things.  Things that still fall into the Peace, Order and Beauty baskets, but ones that will "recharge" our batteries because it's meeting a personal desire.

So what would a Small Thing done Your Way be today?  I might see if I can squeeze in a long-overdue haircut.  Maybe I'll finish up that book I started in December.  I might take my husband to see a movie--it's been months since we've "gone out."  Whatever it is, I'm going to give myself some Company Girl points for doing it!

POINTS: 30 for doing a Small Thing, just the way you want it.  You owe it to yourself and your family to be refreshed, recharged, ready to take on the "required" things!  This will help you do that.

BONUS POINTS: 10 for letting us know what you're doing today (wow! points for leaving a comment?  I must really be getting soft!)

Shake it out, baby!

I have several small rugs in my house that I don't vacuum because they get sucked up into the vacuum and make a terrible noise.  The ones that are located near the doors get a good shake fairly often, but I'll admit that the upstairs rugs get ignored pretty regularly.

Today's Small Thing is to give those throw rugs a good shake outside! 

How easy is THAT?

Oh, it's TOO easy.

It's so easy that I'm going to make it almost impossible NOT to earn some points today.  How about I give 40 points for this teeny weensy task?

Hurry and do it before I regret being so generous and retract some of those PRACTICALLY FREE points!

Yeah,  that's too many points.  I'm gonna take them back.  I'm gonna do it.  I'm really gonna do it.  Better get going.  I'm just about to hit "subtract..."

OK, keep the points.  I can see you're already gone.

P.S.  I'm writing about Valentine Romance (or lack thereof) over at Writer, Interrupted today.

Close the door on germs

Besides the potties in your house, do you know where most of the other germs lurk?  Nope, not the dog bowls (we cleaned them already!) or the refrigerator (yep, cleaned that too!).

Clue:  It's in the picture above, and it's not the darling little boy.

I'll bet you already guessed it.

Angela at Thoughts from Dimple Queen gave me this great suggestion for today.  She had discovered that her children left the precious gift of dried broccoli and cheese on a doorknob in her house.  Nothing like a crusty doorknob to make her take out the 409 and shine things up!  She was so inspired by this quick deed, she continued on and did ALL the doorknobs.  Then she emailed me her own Small Thing victory.

Excellent work, Angela!

In this part of the world it's cold and flu season.  A wipe of the doorknobs (or at least a spray of Lysol) is probably a real good idea to help keep everyone healthy.  I wish I'd thought of it before I got sick a couple weeks ago.

So whip out your cleaning spray (anti-bacterial, if you have it) and hit those germy knobs!  I think I can get all mine done in under 10 minutes.  Wanna race??

POINTS: 30 for cleaning AND/OR dousing your doorknobs with a germ-killing spray.

Stop over and say hi to Angela....she's been a faithful Company Girl for a long time, she's a school teacher and mom of two of the cutest kids ever.  Did I mention she has dimples?

Trees aren't the only things with rings....

While I was shaving my legs the other day (inspired by Shania), I was appalled at the state of my bathtub. Didn't I just scrub this out before Christmas?? How could it look so bad so soon?

I'm just kidding about the "before Christmas" part, but just barely.

Now, I have NO EXCUSE. I've got my Dollar Tree bin, chuck full of brand new cleaners, just WAITING to get used more often! I even had all you girls go out and buy things to keep handy in each bathroom.

And shame on me, we haven't spent ANY time at all in the bathrooms except for that first day way back in January, in which we cleaned our potties with a royal flush.

Well, I won't make you clean the entire bathroom today because that would take about 10-15 minutes and NO ONE has that kind of time on their hands.

Today's Small Thing is to give your tub and/or shower a nice quick scrubbing to get rid of the soap scum and tub rings.

I like to toss the collection of razors and empty shampoo bottles while I'm at it...it really makes it feel spa-like in there when it's pristine.

OOOH! I feel a bubble bath coming on...

POINTS: 20 for cleaning the tub/shower

BONUS POINTS: 10 for throwing out old razors and empty shampoo bottles

10 more for scooping tub toys into some kind of container

40 pts max

Come on, now. When's the last time you REALLY cleaned the tub?? I did it about a week ago, but our hard water leaves it mighty icky....