Last week I wrote about Regrets. Several of you commented with such thoughtful, insightful words that I think I may have to do a follow-up. And then there was a comment from Kitty, one of my favorite story-tellers, making reference to an "unfortunate fake ID incident."
Well, you don't just get off leaving a cryptic reference like that and then go whistling back to your own little blog! Oh no, Missy! That was like waving chum in front of a hungry shark: I just HAD to know the rest of the story. So she emailed the whole sad tale to me, and I (sympathetically, of course) laughed through the entire thing. What are friends for? With her permission, I'm sharing her regrettable (but highly entertaining) adventure here:
Here goes. I've never been much of a drinker, but I am one year younger than all my friends. So when I was almost 20 they all started spending the weekends at this really fun bar and I felt left out. I got hold of my older cousin's ID. I have a ton of girl cousins and IDs were passed around a lot over the years. Which is why I wouldn't blog about this, as my mother reads my blog and I don't want to get anyone in trouble.
Keep in mind that I am now 30 and people sometimes think I'm a teenager. I was so worried about this when I was pregnant and my fingers were too swollen to wear my wedding ring. I could just imagine people thinking, "Oh, look at that poor, gigantic, unwed teenage mother." Also, when solicitors call they occasionally ask for my mom or dad. So I looked and sounded about 11 when I was 19-going-on-20. Trying to pass for 24.
Goodness, I'm making a short story long.
So the ID photo didn''t look all that much like me. It looked like... you know, my cousin or something? With big late eighties hair. It was now 1997 or so. I don't think it had expired, but my cousin lived in a small town and she hung on to that big bang look longer than necessary. I applied heavy eyeliner and teased my hair trying to match the photo. My friend drilled me about "my" date of birth, astrological sign, high school graduation year, etc. I reminded my friends about a dozen and a half times, "don't forget to call me CARA!"
When I got to the bar the bouncer let in everyone in my group. Even my friend's younger sister with a fake id. When my turn came he took one look at me and burst out laughing and told me to go home. He didn't even want to see my ID! I was soooo offended. After all, I was only one year younger than the rest of the group. It wasn't THAT ridiculous that I could be 21, rather than practically 20. That's when my red hair kicked in and got the best of me. Instead of making the obvious choice - heading home with my tail tucked between my legs... I made a scene. I absolutely insisted (bold-faced lied) that I WAS not just 21, but twenty-FOUR. Indignantly. Very huffy-like. I literally held up the line until that bouncer agreed to look at my TOTALLY VALID driver's license, which was very CLEARLY me! Harumph!
So then the bouncer told me that either he would confiscate my ID and I could go home or he would summon the police to verify my age. Did I back down? NO!! Surely if I still stood by my ID he would realize that it must be the truth and back down. What I failed to realize was that there was a policewoman on patrol walking up and down the block full of bars. I was envisioning a phone call, which would give me a few minutes to make my exit, if necessary. About two seconds after I told him to go ahead and call the authorities (kinda snotty-like, too), he waved her down.
So then I had the pleasure of being totally humiliated in front of the entire line of bar patrons and those passing by. I was given a citation and later had to go down to the police station and was officially arrested (fingerprints and everything!) for said unfortunate incident. I recently found out about the concept of expungement, so fortunately that silly evening no longer part of my permanent record.
So that is my VERY long (sorry!) story, which I realize does not paint me in a very flattering light. It is obviously the most stupid thing I've ever done. I do tend to lose my temper (okay, mind) when my feelings/pride are hurt, which still gets me into trouble to this day.
I rarely share this story, for obvious reasons. But I tend to remember it when I hear about teenagers and young people doing stupid things. Kinda keeps me humble.
I love Kitty's last lines, don't you? Thanks for sharing! Take a minute and go get to know her more over here, (look for her hilarious bra story) and maybe leave her a comment to let her know her regret is safe with the Company Girls.....
