He said it in the nicest possible way, but it made my blood boil instantly.
"Hey, Hon. Do you think when you are cleaning up the kitchen you could remember to put the jelly in the fridge?"
My man knows me so well. "Now don't start getting all defensive," (who ME??) "and don't start listing my wrongs," he said. "It's just something that bugs me and you do it all the time."
OH REEEALLY.
I do it "ALL THE TIME." Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah right.
Oh, I was hacked off. Just who is the one who comes in here and loads the dishwasher, cleans EVERYTHING up and then turns around to see a dirty plate left "anonymously" in the sink?? Who, I ask you, is the one who never. says. a. word. when I clean up toast crumbs, straightens the towels that never get hung right and finds crusty cups left out?
There were hundreds, yea even thousands, of things that came instantly to mind as I turned to face him. I gave him the raised-eyebrow-closed-lid sigh and bit my lips into a thin line to let him know that I could take the criticism but I wasn't buying it.
"I'll be sure and remember that," I said, oh so sweetly. As I walked from the kitchen I rolled my eyes and clenched my teeth. I was hoppin mad.
And it took me an hour to cool off.
Over a jelly jar.
OK, I've gotta be honest. I saw the jelly jar sitting out. I knew that it is a pet peeve of my man's. He's mentioned it before, several times. And I cleaned everything around it.
But I left it out. On purpose.
Maybe it's my way of saying, "I can if I want to."
After all, I do clean up the kitchen 90% of the time. If I choose to leave the jelly jar out, well then, so be it. If you want to come in here and help, feel free. But don't complain about the jelly jar when you're not the one in here slaving away day after day.
But right in the middle of my mental defensive discourse, I felt a pang of remorse. I thought about all the petty things I overlook every day without anger, UNTIL a small thing like a jelly jar gets brought to my attention. Suddenly, all the joy in overlooking gets sucked right out and I feel my finger start wanting to wag...."OH YEAH??? Well, how about THIS??"
That sticky jelly jar was more than just a "forgotten" item on the counter.
It was my way to give a little dig into my man, to make him pay just a bit for some little offense I've so gracefully "overlooked."
Now, I'm not an easy person to criticize. My tears start falling at the mere thought of conflict, and I get defensive so easily. I know my man avoids telling me things because I can't just blow it off and move on. So for him to mention, once again, the "Jelly Jar," it must be a real issue with him. Oooh, Hot Item, here!
It's a small thing, maybe even petty, but perhaps I CAN listen a little better. Defend a little less. Love him by paying attention to the little things he needs or wants.
Eph. 4:2,3 ...be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
It's easy to love each other when there are no Jelly Jars or crumbs to bicker over. It's another to gracefully admit a wrong and keep loving, rather than becoming wounded over something so small. I'm still working on that.
I want to love without keeping score, without counting crumbs or jelly jars or messy towels. I want to be able to accept "requests" without feeling criticized, and be able to joyfully serve in ways that matter to my man.
If that means putting the Jelly away, I think I can do it.
