Home Sanctuary

Taking a week off...so I can work

Hey, Company Girls!

We have a big project to finish up in the next week, so I will be taking a break from blogging. I hope ya'll have a great week, and I will see you back here on Aug. 2! (or there abouts....)

I hope to post pictures of our project when we are all done, so stay tuned!

Rachel Anne

Network TV's demise and the rise of bad hair. Coincidence?

I think not.

Ever since Jennifer Aniston decided to grow out her famous "Friends" haircut, network television's ratings have suffered. The execs SHOULD have figured it out: women watch TV for the hair. And we really don't want to see long hair, parted in the middle on our TV stars because we know it will look bad on US if we try it.

Just the other night, I found myself riveted to "Victoria Beckham Comes to America," just so I could see the back of her head. Just how short is that anyway? Does she have to use a whole lot of products to get it to stick out like that? And why is her hairdresser part of her entourage? Is it because the 'do needs professional attention every minute?

Posh Spice Beckham's hair is making headlines, that's for sure. It's been a long time since anyone that glamorous has sported a haircut that average women think they might look good in. In fact, her haircut has its own name, "The Pob." I'm not kidding! Ask your hairdresser for a Pob cut and I'll bet she'll know exactly what you mean.

But think about the TV shows that are on right now and tell me if you don't agree that there aren't enough good hairstyles to keep us watching.

For example,

"Cold Case:" is that blonde girl's hair UP or DOWN or both?

"CSI:" Jorja Fox, again, parted in the middle.

"Grey's Anatomy": Meredith looks like she stepped out of my 1980 yearbook

"Lost" and "Survivor" get Exemptions because the women on those shows don't have access to blowdryers.

Men don't realize this, but Soaps have hooked many women into their webs of deceit through the hairstyles of their stars. How do you think I got sucked into "Days of our Lives" back in the '80's, when Hope's hair was huge and to die for? In those days I was planted on the couch, nursing babies like a heiffer, and the soaps provided me with enough fashion and hair lessons to get me through.

When we had cable, I used to watch Paige Davis on Trading Spaces just for her perky hair. I noticed that she "left" the show when she started growing it out. Just another coincidence?

Look, Mellody Hobson, on Good Morning America, has me interested in finances because her hair is darling.

I'd watch Paula Zahn if I could get CNN because she is one of the few newswomen with hair above her shoulders.

I'm just sayin'.

Network TV could turn it around real quick if they would invest in some scissors and hair products for their stars. Give those ladies some spunky hairstyles and we'll ALL be riveted to our seats, hoping to see the Perfect Cut: the one we've been trying to get our hairdressers to understand all these years.

Happy First Anniversary to Lauren and Robert!

"

I can't help feeling a little sentimental today because one year ago, Lauren and Robert got married.

July 22, 2006 was a whirlwind of nerves and excitement. Everyone looked beautiful and Lauren was stunning. We kept pinching ourselves. Can this really be happening? Oh, we had our snags: the gorgeous floral arrangement that created a canopy over the bride and groom came crashing down during pre-ceremony pictures, dumping green floral foam all over Lauren's dress and the carpet. Flowers were everywhere, and it took almost an hour to clean it and Lauren's dress up....meanwhile the clock was ticking toward 7:00.

And Lauren had a last-second attack of nervousness before walking down the aisle. When the doors finally opened and Lauren and her Dad rounded the corner, I could see him whispering in her ear, "Look at you! You're doing it! You're doing it, honey."

I'll never forget it.

Something about those words turn me into a time traveller, revisiting all the milestones in which I've heard them spoken. The first steps, the first words, the first bike ride without training wheels. I vividly remember Tom letting go of the seat and calling after Lauren, "Look at you! You're doing it!" as she pedalled away. Then there was the moment in which a puff of wind carried a kite into the air while she ran on 6-year-old legs, holding the string. "You're doing it, Lauren! Just look at you go!" his voice rang out. The first day of school, the first piano recital, the first time behind the wheel of a car. I can still hear it.

"Look at you!" They are the words that mean all the times you ever dreamed of accomplishing or experiencing that certain thing, and it's finally happening for you. You are there. They are the words that make you step back and see your own self, living and breathing and moving and taking it all in. They make you want to capture the moment, so you can pull it out of your memory and savor it any time you wish.

I see Lauren now, all grown up and starting her own life with Robert. They've had a busy first year of marriage, going to school and working and learning to live as a couple. I love seeing them together. They are best friends who fell in love, and that's how it should be. Robert has become such a special part of our family, we couldn't imagine life without him.

Somewhere in Moscow today, Lauren and Robert are celebrating their anniversary. It may not be the most romantic of anniversaries, but it will be a day in which they can look at each other and say "Look at us! We're doing it! We're married, and we're living and loving and experiencing everything we dreamed of." They will remember their own firsts, just like I remember ours: captured in time and all golden around the edges. The imperfections won't really matter as much as the sweetness of knowing that this is THEIR story, THEIR treasure-trove of experiences that they will pull out and savor, any time they wish.

There is a cake-top in my freezer, just waiting for them to return home and cut into it. Hopefully, it won't taste too bad after a year sitting next to frozen vegetables and casseroles. But even if it does, it will still be a reminder of last year's wedding day and all the love that went into it.

And even though they are far away today, I hope they can hear us say, "Hooray! You're doing it! Just look at you two go!"

Loving My Regular Guy

My man is a Regular Guy. Give him a good job, three squares, plenty of down time, some regular lovin' if-you-know-what-I-mean, and a chance to do stuff he likes, and he's a happy camper. He doesn't run marathons, give motivational speeches or like social situations in which he has to make small talk. He doesn't like to answer the phone or attend meetings. He loves to be outdoors and spending time with our family. I love him for that.

My Regular Guy will never be a titan of industry or a Wall Street maverick. He's the type of guy who doesn't mind working hard, and he takes pride in what he does. He has often said he would make a great janitor, because he likes making things look good.

My man, a janitor? Oy vay.

I sometimes feel a little like Carrie Heffernan on King of Queens. She sees the potential in Doug and is always trying to get him to be something he is not. He just wants to be an IPS driver because he likes it. She thinks he should better himself and go for a management position. Like Carrie, I see "potential" in my man and I think he oughta make the most of it. After all, he's smart, he's capable, he's personable. He is Greatness in the body of a Regular Guy.

Unfortunately, no amount of pressure, hints, leaving inspirational books around or prodding will get my man to change into the mogul I think he could be. He is content to live a simple life with few of the accoutrements of American success. He does not require the latest gadgets or a brand-new car to make him feel good about life. He would rather tinker on our 1970's Barn House than take a fancy vacation. To him, a great weekend would be spent whittling away at his 57-item To Do list and then watching a hockey game on TV. He's really pretty low maintenance.

But I sometimes fall into the trap of wishing for more for him. Or is it more for me? We've scrimped and saved for so long and STILL sometimes end up with more month at the end of our money. IF ONLY he would get out there and.....

And that's when I must stop and be thankful that God has given me a Regular Guy who is anything but ordinary. In my discontent with life in general I start focusing on my man's "shortcomings," and fail to celebrate the things that he brings to our family in so many ways. The very things that rub me the wrong way are the things that have made our family stronger.

Because of my man's persistent annoyance with hyper-scheduling everything from church activities to sports, we've managed to keep a pretty good lid on things. Our family has benefited from that.

Because of my man's aversion to working 60 hours a week under fluorescent lights in an office, we work for ourselves. We get to see each other every day.

Because of my man's love of all things clean, our home looks a whole lot better than if I was left to my own devices.

Because of my man's ability to enjoy nature, we all get excited over spiderwebs and wildflowers. How many guys actually take time to smell the flowers?

Because of my perfectionist man's attention to detail, we've gained a reputation for being good artists and conscientious contractors. On my own, I would slap some paint on there and call 'er done. We'd have been sunk long ago if it weren't for his doggone obsessive compulsive meticulousness.

My Regular Guy has coached sports, mowed miles of grass and fixed all the stuff that breaks around here. He sometimes forgets to give me a birthday card, but he shows his love in millions of other ways each day. Sometimes, seeing the "potential" in my man has blinded me to all the qualities he already has.

Most of us women believe that part of being a wife is encouraging your man to achieve greatness. I'm a big believer in encouragement. But the better part of being a wife is knowing what already makes your man great and then making the most of it. It is finding out what really makes him tick, what he really enjoys, and then helping him be the best he can be at what he loves.

I suppose that means if my Regular Guy wakes up and says he's ready to be a janitor, I'll (gulp) applaud and then make sure the job comes with health insurance. I know if that's what he wanted to do, he'd be the best one ever.

"Whatever you are, be a good one." Abraham Lincoln

My Friend, Priscilla

My friend, Priscilla Shirer, is one of the most anointed Bible teachers you will ever hear. I love how she is able to take scripture and make it so relevant, so real. She makes you want to Go Beyond anything you have ever known, and experience God in a new and fresh way. You might be familiar with her Bible Study DVD series or her books, which are amazing in how they are being used in ministry to women.

This is a video clip from a Going Beyond event last weekend in Houston. It brought tears to my eyes to see the faces of the women who got to attend. When I saw pictures of them grabbing hold of the Eternal God there at the altar, my first thought was: "I want that! I want more of Jesus, too." That's what it's all about.

Beth Moore blogged about this conference here.

I hope to go to one of her conferences ("Deeper Still" with Beth Moore and Kay Arthur) in September...it is sold out and I'm waiting to get a leftover ticket. The tickets are so hot, not even BFF's can get one!

Besides being a great Bible teacher, Priscilla is a very dear sister to me. We first met several years ago when she hired me to paint her baby's bedroom! We just clicked and became fast friends. Girls, she is the Real Deal...she lives what she preaches and it is a blessing to know her. Each time we see each other I am inspired to reach for more of pretty much everything, especially our Savior (even if we are just grabbing a movie or coffee.) I won't brag on her any more so just watch the clip and then get online to get any ticket you can to any event that is remotely near you!

If my blog music is playing, go over to my right sidebar and hit "Pause" so you can hear the beautiful song on this clip.

Go on over to her site, Going Beyond, or Lifeway.com and you can check out her schedule. Please don't miss an opportunity to hear Priscilla share a message that will KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!

And here's one of my favorite photos of us together at my house.

Maybe June Cleaver was on to something with those pearls

By today's standards, it's laughable to think of vacuuming in heels and pearls. Mrs. Cleaver always looked more like she was going to a business meeting than going to clean the kitchen. She could pull a roast out of the oven with nary a hair out of place. I admire that.

My cleaning days start with a debate over whether I should take a shower or not. Makeup or no makeup? Wash hair or leave it in filth? Stained t-shirt or sweats?

I don't see June debating such things. I think she got up and prepared herself for business. You gotta respect a person who takes her job seriously enough to dress for success.

I recently had to upgrade my standard (work outside the home) job attire from jeans and tennis shoes to slacks and heels. My projects have taken me into corporate settings, so I've had to start paying more attention to dressing appropriately for an office environment. A couple of times I've felt completely underdressed, and therefore less intelligent, than when I've been confidently poised with just the right accessories.

And I've noticed something else along the way. People respond differently to me when I look professional vs. just another mom-turned-business woman. They take me more seriously.

It's got me thinking about how I approach my "business" here at home. When I get up and put on my tattered, stained t-shirt and sweat pants, I'm much more likely to curl up on the couch for a nap than tackle the next thing on my list. I feel a little listless and depressed. Maybe I'm not respecting my job as Mom/CEO of the home like I should.

Worse, maybe I'm not getting the respect I deserve from my underlings and my business partner (aka husband) when I look like I just crawled out from under a rock. After all, they aren't going to take me any more seriously than I take myself.

Sometimes I've used the "oh, poor me, I don't even have time to take a shower because my life is so difficult with these kids" card to try and make my husband feel sorry for me. He's off having glamorous business lunches while I'm here in the trenches with the urchins. It has rarely worked.

It's always worked better for me to try and go for the Cute Look....well, as cute as you can look with spit-up on your shoulder, but you know what I mean. I'd love to have him come home and think "Wow! My hot wife is working hard for us!" And even if I have to TELL him how hard I'm working, at least I'll look good while lowering the boom.

So I picked up a couple more "Perfect T's" at Old Navy, and I'm throwing out a couple of my old, gross shirts. For 8 bucks a top I can go from Bag Lady to Cute Mom, and that's Money Well Spent. In about 8 minutes, I can throw on some makeup and go from Scary to Not Half Bad, and that's Time Well Spent. It's surprising how little effort it takes to look and feel a lot better about my job here at home. I might feel less inclined to park myself on the couch because I look so professional.

Hey, I might even put a roast in the oven.

Thanks for the inspiration, June.

Parenting FAQ: What do you mean by "Starting Small?"

Aren't you glad that God gives us itty-bitty babies to start out with, and not teenagers? The two DO have much in common, but one's a lot bigger and harder to get into a car seat.

Starting Small. That's what God does with US, and it's what we need to do as parents. Keep our expectations realistic while keeping our standards high. It's a dance that starts at Day One and keeps going until our kids drive off to college. The challenge is that you have to keep learning new steps along the way because the music changes constantly.

So what does that mean? By starting small, I really mean start when they are small. The baby/toddler/preschool days are when you are setting important patterns that can bring an abundant harvest in their teen years or can bring you heartache and disappointment in later years.

We've been blessed with an abundant harvest, despite our own limitations and failures. We have some glaring short-comings as parents, and yet! God had been faithful. We are still working on our issues, still working things out. I timidly hold out my faltering example to show the grace of my heavenly Father and to encourage all of us who feel, at times, unequal to the task. 

Starting small means remembering that your small children are forgetful, impulsive and need naps.  It takes into account that they will make mistakes and that YOU will make mistakes along the way.  Once you are OK with that reality, it will keep you from expecting perfection in your family.  At least, WE never achieved it.

That being said, it IS important to have a level of expectation that is appropriate for your children's ages.  We always expected a foundation of respect from our children, so unfortunately, that meant we had to do a lot of work in the early years.  Boy, I got tired of dealing with tantrums and "NO's!" and unpleasant behavior!  It was exhausting work, but I'm amazed at how many people now tell me how lucky I am to have such "EASY" teenagers.  Trust me, it is much easier to deal with a 2 year old's tantrum than a 15 year old's.  And yes, I've experienced both.

Starting small may mean that you have to back up and keep covering the same ground over and over with your children.  Wouldn't it be nice if you only had to discipline once for back-talking and that was the end of it?  I think that's where much of our parenting frustration happens.  We want instant results when in reality, it can take years of consistent effort and follow-through to see progress. 

But don't give up!  You are going to make it and so will your little ones.  Someday people will tell you how lucky YOU are and you will say, "yes, the harder we worked, the luckier we got."

Just keep loving and leading them.  Keep your instructions clear, simple and doable.  Require respect and obedience, and keep on keeping on.  Slow and steady wins the race. 

And most of all, look for the small beauties and blessings in each day, no matter how hard or long it may be.  Drink in the glorious goodness of childhood, the sweetness of sleepy heads and sticky fingers. Linger outside bedroom doors and listen to their munchkin voices. Watch them learn and grow and amaze you with their perfection.  There may be days in which you will be hard-pressed to find anything good.  But hang in there, because the next day may be golden.  You just never know! 

Remember that, not only are your children God's gift to you, but YOU are God's gift to them.   And since God doesn't make mistakes, He knew just what He was doing by putting your family together.  Don't be afraid of the small starts or the big failures.  He is in the business of making something incredible out of the messes we sometimes make as parents.  He never gives up on us, never throws us out, because He can see the end from the beginning.  And He has good things in store for you.

Zech. 4:10 Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.

Parenting FAQ

Over the years, I've been asked many recurring questions about parenting. For some reason, I've felt reluctant to offer my sage advice on this blog...I don't really know why. Maybe because when you've been around awhile, you realize that great kids can come out of dire circumstances, and some seemingly perfect families can produce some real duds.

There are thousands of blogs out there that glorify the misadventures of parenting. I sometimes wonder if I would have had the courage to start a family had I had all this e-information beforehand. Ignorance was bliss. I did not expect my children to fulfill my mothering fantasies, nor I did not expect parenting to be horrible. Of course it's been harder than I thought (at times) but, for me, it has truly been a joyful journey.

That being said, the most common question I get is this:

"How did your kids turn out so well?"

Being raised with modest Norwegian midwestern values makes it hard for me to even write the question, for fear that someone might think I'm getting too high on my horse. Dontcha worry, I'll fall off on my own sooner or later.

This question is usually followed up with, "I mean, what did you do? What is your secret?"

Usually this is asked in a setting like in between church services, in which there is no time to even think about how to boil 20 years of parenting into a few bullet points. Certainly not before the first hymn starts playing.

But the "between services" answer is easy: start small.

To be continued...

To Moscow with Love

Somewhere over the Atlantic tonight, there is a jet carrying a group of college students on their way from Dallas to Moscow.  Many of them have brought musical instruments, most have brought toothbrushes and underwear, and all have brought their Bibles.  They are travelling around the globe to share their faith in Russia.

In that group are three of the most precious people in the world.  Our daughters, Em and Elle, and Elle's husband Rob are part of the team.   They will be spending 3 weeks there, leading worship and doing music ministry, and reaching out to Russian young people for Christ.

How cool is that?

I admit: in this age of terror plots and uncertainty, it has been just a little hard to see them go. All the "what if's" have threatened my peace of mind and I have had to actively stand firm against fear and worry.

I have to keep reminding myself that I already gave my Worry List to God.

But these awesome young people have been practicing their Russian phrases, holding prayer meetings, putting together music and raising support for their adventure into missions. I'm so impressed with their commitment, their faith and their excitement for living for Christ...here in the U.S. AND abroad. Many of their college friends went on other mission trips this summer: to England, Africa, China and India. It says a lot about this generation's passion for the Gospel!

Side note: Elle and Rob will be celebrating their first anniversary in a two bedroom apartment with ten other people. Talk about sacrifice. We are hoping that they can AT LEAST get away for a romantic date!

These next three weeks may change their lives forever. I know it will change the lives of the people they touch when they are there.

I'm SO PROUD of them! I can't wait to get my first email or phone call!

Timing is Everything

I'm posting over at Writer,Interrupted today.  Stop over and read my post about two important subjects: my hair and my marriage.  Hey, one affects the other and I'm just honest enough to admit it.