Home Sanctuary

My 100th Post and My Worry List

I fully expect confetti to fall from the sky when I hit "publish" after this, my 100th post.

I know, I'm a foolish dreamer. Perhaps I will pull a party blower out of my hoard of leftover party supplies and celebrate. After all, I've managed to post 100 random thoughts in under a year, a feat pretty near miraculous for me. I deserve to toot my own kazoo!

That I've had well over 100 visitors is nothing short of miraculous, either. Thanks, ya'll, for continuing to stop in. I thoroughly enjoy you, you sweet kindred spirits, who frequent my corner of blogland.  Please keep on stopping in!!  I just love you.

So around 7:45 yesterday morning. I was brushing my teeth, listening to my husband tell me about what he was going to work on that day. We are in the middle of a really big bunch of projects and I am feeling very anxious about the deadlines.

"....and I'll take care of this and that detail," he was saying. "So you can take that off your worry list."

I gave him a nod and a "ha, that's funny," fake smile, and continued with the brushing.

I don't have a Worry List!

Me? A List? Of Worries?

But by the time I was tapping my toothbrush against the side of the sink, I was convicted. My husband had already moved on and was discussing a new topic from deep inside the closet. I looked at my tiny pin-head eyes (no mascara) in the mirror and knew I was nailed.

I DO have a list. A long list.

I won't bore you with the details, but the general topics include: the kids, the bills, the looming deadlines, the flooding, the war in Iraq, the check engine light, the groceries, the doctor/orthodontist/dentist/vet appointments I should make. Then there's G.T.'s camp and Em's leg surgery and the kids' mission trip to Russia...., you get my point.

Oh, how many scriptures there are that tell us not to worry! And yet I finger my worries as if I will find comfort in rehashing each anxious thought.

I've got to be honest with you. I did not immediately drop to my knees and give it all to Jesus. That would have been the spiritual thing to do. No, I managed to hang on to my list for pretty much the whole day.

Well, I got busy and distracted and sort of forgot that I was still carrying around a knapsack full of burdens. But when I got back in the car to go home at the end of a very long day, my mind immediately began reciting The Worry List. Fortunately it was a long drive home, so there was ample time to realize the foolishness and even the sin of my ways.

When I continue to worry, I am not trusting in the One who promises to carry my burdens. I'm saying that God is not able to take care of me. In a strange way, I'm saying that what I have to say about my problems is more important that what God has to say about them.

You know, when you put it THAT way, it sheds new light on things.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I find it hard to admit that my thought patterns are just sinful. It's easier to justify and explain and defend my mind turf as "necessary," and "helpful."  But the bottom line is that when I worry, I am in disobedience to God's word.

Phil 4:6,7 says "DO NOT be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I sure do like the promise that comes with that command!  I could use that transcendent peace right about now.  It seems clear that the path to the peace I want and need requires obedience.  And some spiritual warfare to take every thought captive to Christ.  It's recognizing that Satan loves to take my eyes off of my incredible God and on to myself-to make ME the center of my world instead of Him.  Of COURSE I worry when I think I must solve all of my problems on my own.  I know what a failure I am and how hopeless it is to try and fix everything under my own strength.

But just like how God showed me his greatness through my failure to put gas in my car the other day, He promises to bring His peace, His strength and His will to fruition in my life when I trust Him with my Worry List.

In fact, I don't even have a Worry List any more because I gave it to Him on my drive home last night.  It's all HIS now, and I have a feeling He can handle it from here.

God is Bigger than I Thought

I hate making mistakes. I get really hard on myself. "Why did I do that? Why didn't I doublecheck that? How could I be so dumb?"

On Friday, I ran out of gas. I knew I was close to empty, but I was following friends to a store and I didn't want to make them stop and wait for me. I knew I had enough to get there and then get to a gas station.

Wrong.

I made it to the store just fine, but when we went to leave, my '96 Explorer wouldn't start. The day was getting late and we had at least two more stops to make, so I was extra mad at myself. And embarrassed. I had to send my friends to a gas station and wait in the hot vehicle for them to return. I wanted to to beat my head against the steering wheel. "Why, oh why??"

They arrived back within about 10 minutes, full of smiles and a carrying a full red gas can.

"You'll never believe it!" one friend said, jumping out of the car. "There was a lady in line just ahead of us who had a gas can, but no money to put any gas in it! She didn't know what to do. We told her we had money but no gas can! Would she loan us her can in exchange for some gas?"

The lady, a foreigner, was elated! "Oh, yes! Thank you! Thank you!" she exclaimed over and over. She waited for us to return to the gas station with her can and then threw her arms around me when I got out of the car.

We were the answer to her prayers.

Because of my mistake.

Can it be that my God is bigger than I thought? I mean, I know He is glorified through holy living, through sharing the gospel and even through our work. But can He really bring glory to Himself through our failures? How could He know I would foolishly run out of gas, and then bring my friends to the rescue of another person at just the right moment in time?

I still don't get it, but maybe I don't need to. Maybe I can just rest in the fact that God is watching over the whole picture, NOT JUST ME, and can accomplish His purposes in spite of me.

I love serving a Big God!

"It just doesn't FEEL like summer"

My son, G.T. tends to see the glass half empty.  We're working on that. 

In the meantime, the last couple of days he's been moping around saying "It just doesn't FEEL like summer."

OK, I got that the first time, so what can we do about it?  Is there anything we can fix?  What exactly doesn't feel right?  (Gentle probing.  Ahhhh, the mom's delicate touch.)

"First of all, it's raining too much."

Well, I can't really fix that.  What else?

"It's not hot enough. Summer is supposed to be really hot."

OK, you KNOW I can't fix the weather. Is there anything I CAN fix?

"I haven't heard the cicadas.  They are usually super loud by now."

Riiiight.  Can't fix that either.

"Elle and Em are never around.  They are always with their friends."

Now, Em is here every day.  It's just at night that she wants to get out and do stuff.

"We haven't gone swimming."

Well, no.  It's been raining.

"The A-Team isn't on in the afternoons anymore."

True.  Your favorite syndicated show finally got canned so that Magnum P.I. could be on again.

"The fish aren't biting."

I don't think they like the rain.

"It just doesn't FEEL like summer."

Hey, isn't this where we started?  (Gentle probing officially OVER!)

What does summer FEEL like to you?

Is "Home Sanctuary" an oxymoron?

If any of you are absolutely unsure because you are living in controlled chaos, the answer is a definite maybe.

With the summer months upon us, it seems like there is less chance than ever of creating a home that operates to the sound of Kenny G.  I think we're all in "agreeance" that the amount of work for Mommy triples this time of year, with all the extra laundry, dishes and activities.  Not to mention how you have to step over the apathetic bodies of children who are mindlessly watching The Price is Right, while snacking on Cheezits.

Side note:  It only took until Day 4 of summer break for me to hear the words, "I'm bored.  There's nothing to do." 

Big shocker there.

But I offer up a token of encouragement to you Moms who are filling the long days of summer with popsicles and trips to the pool.

These are great days.  Savor them.

You might find it hard to believe, but the time will come when your kids will recount their favorite memories of summertime, and all that stuff you're doing to make some good times happen will pay off.

I used to go crazy listening to "Marco Polo" ad nauseum at the pool.  I thought if I had to watch one more flip off the side or underwater feat I would keel over.  If I had to separate one more argument or fix one more snack or fish one more poopie out of a kiddie pool, well...let's just say I've had some low moments.

Home Sanctuary is far easier to achieve in the winter months.

But I stick to my original theory that creating a sanctuary for your family isn't about perfection, especially in the summer.  It's not about working up fantastic adventures for your family.  It's not in expensive vacations or big road trips.  It's in the everyday little things.

Your kids won't remember that you let your mind wander just a bit while they demonstrated their amazing ability to turn cartwheels, or that you got mad about them leaving a mess.  They WILL remember the ice cream truck, the days of make-believe and the fact that you took them swimming every once in awhile.  They'll remember getting to watch TV and hang out.  They will remember the sound of cicadas and staying up late and having root beer floats. 

Your kids will remember that home was a good place to be.  Especially in the summer.

Can I make some suggestions?  Set up some structure to your days, so they don't stretch out endlessly before you.  Put a few things on your calendar, even if they are things like: 

Have picnic in back yard. 

Make cookies. 

Make a fort in living room. 

Do a craft with Mom.

Try having snacks at designated times instead of all day grazing.  Pick some Bible verses to memorize.  Eat lots of popsicles and peanut butter sandwiches.  Have hot dogs on paper plates.  And my favorite:  give them chores when they whine about being bored.

Lighten up a little and remember that someday your kids will be gone and then summertime will be just like the rest of the year, except hotter. 

Happy 24th Anniversary!

Today Tom and I celebrate 24 years together!  Wow.

When I think back to the fact that I was 19 years old when we got married, it kind of boggles my mind.  All I really knew then was that he was THE ONE, and that being with him felt like coming home.

It still feels that way.

Oh, we've learned a few things along the way.  And we are still learning.  When you've lived over half your life with someone, hopefully you've figured out that there's a lot of give and take to make it work.

Recently we've witnessed the terrible heartache of several friends' marriages falling apart.  I've sat across the table from a sweet friend whose husband decided he'd like to be with someone else after 17 years of marriage.  These are people whose relationships seemed unshakable.  And it's stopped us in our tracks.  Our hands have reached for each other's in shock and sorrow.  Oh, God, no.  Not them.

Far from feeling smug about making it 24 years together, I feel instead, sobered.  I feel grateful and even lucky.  More than ever, I don't want to take what we have for granted.

We've been given a gift...and I want to take really good care of it.  I don't want to forget that it's the history we share that makes our life together so special.  Even the hard times are part of the story that we should cherish.

It's easy sometimes to get so wrapped up in the bill-paying, the housekeeping, the child-rearing and the busyness that we lose track of what we're REALLY doing.

We're making a life together.  We're building something good.

Tonight I'm going to dance to this song, Bring it on Home, with my sweetheart.  He's my treasure, my gift...and I want him to know it.  I want him to know that he's still THE ONE, and that I want to give him the very best of me. 

Here's to another 24 years of coming home.

My Summer Goals

Since I've already broken my (finger-quotes here) "hiatus", I'll just go ahead and do it up right by posting twice on my first day away.  It's like breaking a diet: go all out and have ice cream WITH the chocolate cake.  Live it up, baby!

My sister Katherine posted some of her Summer Goals.  Yep, summer is a great time to teach Life Skills to your kids.  Mine have learned Laundry and General Housekeeping skills over the years.  Aaaaand, hmmm.  I can't think of any others. 

Except: How to Get On Each Other's Nerves in Under 3 Seconds, and How to Dirty Every Single Glass in the House, and How to Stay Up Ridiculously Late With As Many Friends Over As Possible.

Important Life Skills, to be sure.

So this year, I'm keeping things simple.  Here's my list of goals:

1. try not to get too uptight about the mess
2. try not to get too uptight about the constant dishes
3. try not to get too uptight about the work
4. try not to get too uptight about the laundry
5. try not to get too uptight about having fun
6. try and get everyone to pitch in to all of the above.

My motto: aim low

Happy Birthday, Mom!

I must break my own self-imposed hiatus to wish my mom a Happy 70th Birthday! She is far away, ministering on an American Indian Reservation, with little access to phone, mail and internet, so I am hopeful that she will get this message today!

My mom is a woman who has devoted her life to her family and ministry to others. My sister, Katherine, wrote a great tribute to her here on Mother's Day. I thought it was perfect.

I hope when I am 70, I will have a legacy that even half that of hers. She and my Dad raised 4 kids on a missionary income, and yet I never really heard her complain. Now that I have my own family, I realize how hard some of those times must have been. Most of the time, we kids were blissfully unaware that we lacked (well, except when we were the only people in the world with no T.V) because she made sure that we had plenty of love and family fun. We weren't a perfect family, but she really knocked herself out to raise us well and pass on her faith. She still prays for each of us, and now her grandchildren, daily.

My Mom's example is what I draw from almost daily. I ask myself: How would my Mom make vegetable soup? How would she pray for a friend in need? How would she encourage a child? How would she respond to a difficult situation? How would she clean ketchup from carpet? How would she make lefse? How would she stretch leftovers to feed 6 people? Her life is a deep reservior of experience, so the list is endless.

I owe her a debt of gratitude and love.

Mom, if you get to read this today, I hope you spend this Milestone knowing that your family loves you and appreciates you in so many ways. Thanks for being a wonderful source of encouragement and prayer. You'll never know how much your presence in our lives means.

Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you!

The Hurrier I Go.....

....the behinder I get.

Or is it, "The hurrier I go, the bigger behind I get?"

All those fast-food fries are bound to catch up with me, one way or another.

Well, it is a sooper-dooper busy month around here, and I must admit that my Home Sanctuary has fallen into complete disrepair.  I'm behind on everything from laundry to grocery shopping, cleaning and even work projects.  Yikes!  It seems there aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done, and yet. Here I sit....blogging when I should be folding and sorting undies.  Or scrubbing the frying pan that still rests on the stovetop, or cleaning up the debris left over from the day's activities.

But since blogging is a good alternative to drinking, maybe it's not so bad.

Seriously, this month my presence may be but a mere shadow of my prolific once-or-twice weekly posting, due to an extremely unusual spike in my work-load.  I'm not one to juggle lots of things well, so I start paring down rather quickly when it gets down to it.

I'll pick blogging over cleaning, any day. Hands down.  It will win easily over the pot-scrubbing and toilet bowl swishing, but I draw the line at the Important Mommy Things.  That would be the cooking, the listening, the hugging, the snuggling, the cookie-making.  Even the disciplining, as needed.  Motherhood is so much less physical in nature these days, but hopefully it still occupies my main attention.  It's just a constant balancing act of figuring out what is the best use of my time at any given moment. 

It helps that two of my kids are grown and one is quite good at making grilled cheese sandwiches.

I've learned that you can resurrect a shirt out of the dirty-clothes hamper (throw in dryer with dryer sheet for 10 min), but there's a good chance you can't resurrect a conversation with a teenager.  You have to be there the first time around.  And you can't really put off loving on your husband like you can put off cleaning out the fridge.

You gotta have some priorities.  Some Principles!

So excuse me if I post even less than usual during the next few weeks.  I'll be trying to ignore the dust and doing minimal amounts of laundry (undies and towels only) while I slog through what is on my plate.  If it helps, put my blog on a feed so you don't have to check back in every day and then feel slighted by my lack of attention.  You can just feel pleasantly surprised when you get an email that tells you I've posted once again.  And you can hearken back to the good old days when I used to write at least once a week. 

Those were good times.

Rachel Anne

P.S.  And since I am up to my eyeballs, I resurrected an old post for my once a month stint at Writer, Interrupted. 

Getting the "Country Home" Look - Without all that White

I love the Country Home look.  I love the Cottage style.  I just don't love all that white that goes along with it.

Have you noticed the pages and pages of beautifully photographed white rooms in all the magazines?  White walls, white tables, white couches, white seashells, white bedspreads...with just a dab of cream to break things up a bit.  Whoa, now.  Easy on the cream.

I gotta tell ya.  In glossy 6 color print, they look wonderful.  But in real life, white rooms look like you just stepped into a Tampax commercial. (So clean and fresh!)  I'm sure it makes the men in your life feel a little awkward.

I've been in many, many, many homes over the years, and probably one of the worst looks of all time is the white "shabby chic" ensemble.  I've never really seen it work WELL.  I have seen it look just OK.

I think the problem is that the "stuff of life" that comes into those pristine environs is a jumble of colors that just don't go with them.  Lay a Penguin Book down somewhere and now you've got a bright orange goose-egg messing things up.  Drape a purple sweater over a chair and that's all that catches your attention.  Sloppy purple sweater.  To say nothing of preschool toys and Big Wheels.  Those will just hurt your eyeballs on that white backdrop of purity. 

Who can really live like that anyway?  I have a hunch that the day after the photographers leave to go print their pictures, the homeowners wake up and go "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!  I NEED SOME COLOR!"  They dash to the local paint store and hear angels when they see the vast array of magnificent hues they've been craving.  "I never knew..." they whisper brokenly as they clutch the paint chips to their chest.

Oh yes.

Color affects everything from our moods to our appetites.  A nice warm shade in the bathroom can make years melt off your face as you apply make-up.  Vanity alone should make every woman choose ANYTHING but white for the walls and furnishings.  How about a romantic tone of lilac (with just enough gray) for the bedroom?  It might just kick your love life into gear.  And don't we all want that!

Just keepin it real.

When we moved into our Barn House almost five years ago, we slapped new paint on the walls to cover up the white SEMI-GLOSS that covered everything.  We didn't spend a whole lot of time agonizing over getting the exaaaact colors we wanted.  But I'm ready for a little more boldness.  Some color with oomph.  I'm eager to change out the straw yellow in my bedroom for that soft lilac.  With fresh white trim around the windows, I think it will look positively dreamy.

How about you?  Are you collecting paint chips and gazing at them throughout the day, imagining their impact on your hum-drum living space?  Give yourself permission to try something new.  To step away from boring beige and wimpy white: the colors that are "safe," but dull and uninteresting.  Try starting with something small, like a powder room, and experience the power of paint.

I'm talking about the POWAH of paint!

It's time.  It's time for the Cottage Look to lose the White and embrace some color. 

Some CULLAH, people!

Oh, what I wouldn't do for a gospel organ right now to emphasize my point.

Rachel Anne   

Summer's Coming, but not fast enough

Our school district "sucks," in the words of my 13 year old.  We still have school until NEXT FRIDAY--cruel and unusual punishment for kids, when "EVERY other freakin' school is already out!  Our town is so stupid!"

Yeah, 13 year olds and their attitudes.  The whole town is condemned because you have to go to school for another week. I think that's overstating things a bit, don't you?

But summer IS coming, and along with it, the humidity and the Texas-sized bugs.  Yesterday, I had to throw out whole packages of bread that molded before we could eat them.  Such waste!  I say pick off the fuzzy spots and toast it up, but my family gags at the thought, so out it went.

And the bugs.  THE BUGS!  Ya'll have never seen a cockroach until you've seen a Texas Cucaracha.  I don't know what the real name of these behemoth insects are, but they are truly, truly gross.  Giant, opaque beetle-like beings that you can actually hear as they move.  Ugh.

We have a gazillion spiders, of all varieties.  Fuzzy black ones, Daddy Long Legs, Wolf spiders, the kind that hang upside down in really cool webs, brown recluse, even tarantulas.  You know it's bad when you don't even pause to kill them any more.  You just shrug and move on, even when they are in your house.

This morning, my husband pointed out a little black one on our bedroom floor and said, "hey that guy's been in our closet for a couple days now.  What's he doing out here?"  Hmm.

We've had to install a powerful air conditioner in our new garage-turned-office.  The de-humidifier in there produces about a quart of water from the air every two hours.  A QUART!  And it's not even officially HOT yet.

I don't care if deodorant has aluminum in it that will cause Alzheimer's.  We're ALL slathering up, baby.

In the meantime, I need to get a Costco card so I can be prepared for the summer-time snacking and all-day grazing that takes place around here from June until September.  Like hoards of locusts (and we have those, too) the kids will raze my pantry to dust on a daily basis.  While I'm at Costco, I will also get a loud box fan so I can block out the noise from the late-night antics of said kids so we can get some sleep.  Hopefully they will remember to turn off all the lights and pick up their wrappers and popcorn bowls before they turn in.

Ah, summer fun.  I can't wait!