I put the boxes of leftover ornaments away and I'm feeling a little guilty. You know, they're the ones that didn't make the cut to hang on this year's trees. Outshined by newer, flashier baubles, these guys have been boxed up for up to 10 years, hoping for their chance to hang out once again with the more popular crowd of angels, bells and gingerbread men.
It must be disappointing to get passed over because you're the wrong color (race discrimmination) or too old (age discrimmination) or the wrong size (weight discrimmination). Even now I can hear them plotting to get together and file a class action suit citing wrongful treatment of Christmas decor. I didn't even give them a chance.
But really, the mauve and blue quilted kitty that looked so cute in 1985 doesn't belong here anymore. The Victorian lace heirloom ball just looks a little frumpy these days. Worse, the wooden cutout of Santa just smacks of "Craft Fair." The felt reindeer with no eyes and one antler is just too shabby even for my standards.
Somehow my tastes have changed over the years, but like the outdated clothes in my closet, I just keep hanging on to those silly things. Maybe someday they will fit again! Maybe someday I will look at that mauve and blue kitty and fall in love all over, just like I certainly will with my stirrup pants and shoulder padded shirts. Someday they will be back in style and won't I be glad I saved them from the give-away box! Riiiight.
Truthfully, though I might sound like Martha Stewart, my little trees are not much more than a hodgepodge of hopelessly unfashionable ornaments. Which makes it all the more painful, I guess, to be excluded from a group of misfits. I've had that happen my own self, so I know how it feels to get left out. But that's small consolation to a group of rejected holiday decorations, all dressed up with no place to go.
Guys. I'm SORRY! I'm leaving you in the box and you can try again next year. Until then, you can relax and enjoy laying down in comfort instead of hanging by a hook for weeks on end, possibly at the very back of the tree where no one can see you anyway. I'm doing you a favor, trust me.
And yes, I'm turning off the closet light. I'll see you on January 2, when I return this year's chosen "A-List" Tree Groupies to the boxes and you can find out for yourselves just how hard it was to hang out with the presents. Talk about a group of show-stealers!
Just be glad you aren't the poor lone ornament that never makes it off the tree at the end of the season, who accompanies the tree to the curb and never gets seen again. See, THERE's a fate none of you would want, and I'm saving you from that possibility. You'll be just fine in there, I promise.
And stop talking to me.
