Home Sanctuary

Middle School Muddles

A quick note today, in reflection of a conversation I had today with my sister, Katherine.  Having navigated through two daughters' middle school years and in the thick of G.T.'s, I'm going to throw out some things I've learned along the way. 

Middle Schoolers will try your patience like no one else, except possibly toddlers.  They are growing and changing, discovering that they are turning into Big Teenagers and that heady knowledge makes them act like you've never seen them act before.  Silly, loud, attention getting, bossy, cool.  Oh, and NOW they like the opposite sex!  Who is "going out" with who is a big deal.  No parent is really ready for THAT!

Since whole books are written on this subject, I will keep my points to a bulleted list.

• Stay POSITIVE!
• Skip the sermons and moralizing. They will stop talking to you if they know they will get a lecture.
• Admit that you don't have all the answers.  They already know you don't anyway.
• Don't bury your head in the sand, but don't try and control EVERY LITTLE THING.
• Realize your kid will make mistakes in judgment and choices.  You want them to try their wings BEFORE they leave home.  Now is the time for learning from mistakes, when the stakes are smaller.
• Think like a coach.  Plan strategies ahead of time. ("Call me before making plans," etc.)
• Sincerely compliment them as often as possible.  Let them overhear you telling someone how proud you are of them.
• Try not to over-react.  Middle School is a tough time!  Would you want to go back to 7th grade?  This too shall pass.
• Have as much fun together as possible.
• Encourage, encourage, encourage.

Most importantly, I've learned to pray.  I pray for wisdom, guidance and the ability to keep my mouth shut when I should.   I pray for help to keep my words kind and uplifting when conversations about issues are necessary. 

Then, hang on for the ride!

Rachel Anne

 

Hockey Tom

My husband has died and gone to heaven...........hockey heaven.  He is spending the weekend in Houston at a coaching clinic, getting certified at "Level 4."  At the ice-and-puck smorgasborg of information, there are NHL and college coaches giving seminars and motivational speeches to a conference room full of rabid hockey guys.  They will no doubt come away all fired up for a new season, ready to motivate their boys on the rink.  The testosterone levels will be off the charts!

I really appreciate how seriously my man takes his coaching "job."  He loves the sport, having grown up in Minnesota, the next best thing to Canada.  He has always coached G.T.'s team (now PeeWee's), and made it his personal goal to help the boys learn the game, play as a team, and do their best.  Winning is secondary.  Not surprisingly, he has managed to take rag-tag groups of runny-nosed kids into winning seasons every time.  Parents start calling mid-summer to get their kids on his team each fall, mostly because their kids like "Coach Tom," and the parents like how he treats their kids.

Hockey is such a competitive sport, it can make even the meekest mom in the stands thirsty for blood.  Tom tells me that he has to constantly fight his own competitive streak, (the Dark Side, which is only visible when he rips his hat off his head in the heat of battle) for the higher goals of teaching, encouraging, and instilling positive values.  It can't be easy, especially when your opponents are often better equipped, have three full lines of talented players, and the other coaches and parents wear custom leather jackets emblazoned with their team logos.  It makes you want to beat the snot out of them at all costs, yet I see him over at the bench, bending over those young players giving calm direction in the face of such intense competition.  Those kids are in good hands and they are lucky.

Yep, hockey is Tom's passion.  Loves to coach it, loves to play it, loves to learn about it.  A weekend full of it will keep him flying high for a long, long time. 

The count-down has begun for the first puck-drop of the season!

Rachel Anne

Margin

Preparing for my Bible Study, I've dusted off a few favorite books for reference material.  One of the ones that I pulled out is called, Margin, by Dr. Richard Swenson.  We first heard him on Focus on the Family several years ago, and his message struck a real chord with us. 

"Margin is the space that once existed between ourselves and our limits.  It's something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations.  As a society, we've forgotten what margin is.  In the push for progress, margin has been devoured.  We feel distressed in ill-defined ways.  We are besieged by anxiety, stress, and fatigue.  Our relationships suffer.  We have unexplained aches and pains.  The flood of daily events seems beyond our control.  We're overloaded."

Been There.  Am there.

I've been challenged to look at the margins in my own life.  I could use more margin in almost every area, especially TIME.  Bolstered with new resolve, I said "no" this week to a volunteer project at church, which would have been right up my alley, but would have severely limited the time I have left to write and study for the Thursday morning group.  It felt good.  A weight lifted from my chest.

Ahhhh, deep breath. Now, where else can I apply some margin?

Rachel Anne

Why "Sanctuary?"

When I think about creating a Home Sanctuary for my family, it is sometimes hard to picture what that should look like.  Caught up in finding matching socks and reheating leftovers, it feels far, far away from my world!

I'm reminded of the sanctuaries I do know about:  A wildlife sanctuary, for example, which protects certain types of animals and plants in a carefully monitored environment.  Experts choose a suitable location for the animals they are caring for:  you wouldn't see a penguin in a desert habitat, or an armadillo in a jungle!  They find the right location which provides the best opportunity for the species to flourish.  It is important to have the right foods available, and the correct natural protection from elements and predators.  Nothing goes in or out of the sanctuary without the knowledge of the game warden.     Everything inside is given what it needs to grow strong and healthy.

Another type of sanctuary is the kind that is given to someone in need.  It is refuge and safety from a hostile situation.  People often seek asylum from friendly governments, when their own governments try to harm them for their political beliefs.  They are given rights and safe harbor inside the borders of the host country.  That is a beautiful thought.

The coolest kind of sanctuary is a holy place, or temple.  When I imagine a church sanctuary, I like to think about my grandfather's picturesque white Lutheran church in Nebraska, which he pastored years ago.  Even as a small child, I was awed by the stained glass windows, and intrigued with the altar, pulpit and baptismal.  It did seem like God was there, and it made me want to know Him.

I like to try and apply what I know about sanctuaries to my own home.  My little shelter is no utopia, and you know what, it probably shouldn't be.  We are a bunch of flawed people working it out together.  Toothpaste gets squeezed the wrong way and towels never get hung straight.   Homework gets left until the last minute, and some people think drinking milk from the jug is just sooo funny. (It's not).  But sometimes just meeting the physical needs of my family provides the sanctuary they need from a hostile world outside.  Sometimes just knowing that a batch of chocolate chip cookies says "I love you" in a way that no hug ever could, is enough to create sanctuary for a certain 12 year old boy.   Come to think of it, cookies provide sanctuary for pretty much everyone in this house!  Sometimes sanctuary is found in a football game and nachos for Tom, and a Sunday afternoon nap for me.  It is what give us pleasure within these walls, and a sense of belonging.  A sense of being loved and taken care of.  Now, that's pretty good!

Rachel Anne

Busy Days

The days have flown by this week, and novice blogger that I am, I haven't posted a thing!  I've missed participating in WFMW several weeks in a row, waaah!  It's this blasted thing called a "Home Based Business" that seems to creep over into all my "spare" moments, and keeps me from doing the fun stuff, like hanging out with blog friends.  I sometimes have to blog surreptitiously, because my co-worker (husband) feels that work should come before play.  Imagine that!

The next two or three weeks show no signs of slacking up.  This is hard for a laid-back girl like me!  (I miss my afternoon naps.)  We will be painting a huge playroom in an underwater theme, with a nod to Nemo, and it will take the better part of 2 weeks.  I am very excited about this project, because I know it will be a challenge, and I think it will be alot of fun.  I hope to post pictures of the room in progress.

I am also preparing to teach a Bible Study at my church on Thursday mornings.  I am not sure how I will pull this off, but I believe the Lord will be faithful to help me.  I will be teaching on Home Sanctuary and I am hopeful that some of those younger moms in church will come and benefit from the fellowship, if nothing else!  It is going to be fun!

Please keep me in your prayers,

Rachel Anne

Weekend Wedding Trip

My sister, Katherine, and I flew to St. Louis for a family wedding this weekend.  It was the first time since we were teenagers that we spent that much time ALONE (sans spouses and kids) and it was a real treat!  We even slept in the same guest bed together, just like when we were kids (except that we didn't fight over who was "over the line" into the other's space.)  After our weekend away, we have decided that we need to carve out more time to just be together.  Maybe just for an afternoon next time, rather than a whole weekend. Dennis has my utmost admiration for taking on the Raising Five gang and doing such a great job!  My own man "batched" it with G.T., and subsisted on Sonic and Whataburger for their main meals. (Why did I bother to get fresh groceries before I left?)  Judging from their smiles and hugs, I'd say they missed me, and I know I missed them!

Catching up with family members, enjoying an outdoor wedding, drinking too much coffee, eating some really great leftovers, exploring the Botanical Gardens and talking non-stop with my sister.....all wonderful memories of a special weekend away.  Still, it is good to be home, and sleeping in my own bed tonight sounds awfully good!

Even though my pillow is still in Katherine's suitcase!

Rachel Anne