Home Sanctuary

Peace, Order and Beauty

The three pillars that create sanctuary.

I'm passionate about making my home a sanctuary for my family, and I've written a lot about it over the years. I've seen what creating a "soft place to land" does for the fabric of our relationships, and the strength that comes from knowing that home is a place that feels good and comforts the soul. My home has never been perfectly organized or filled with priceless treasures, but I've found that sanctuary is much more about an attitude of the heart than anything else. Today, I'm sharing some of my older posts with you as I prepare for another year of helping you create your OWN home sanctuaries.

With love, Rachel Anne

Sanctuary is a Three-Legged Stool

 

Why I'm Passionate About Sanctuary

 

Somethin' Dudn't Taste Right

 

Sanctuary in Suburbia: Not the Impossible Dream!

 

The Box Job

 

Sanctuary, Save the Day!

 

MapQuest, Find Sanctuary

 

And last but not least, don't forget that 2013 is the year we are going to learn to BREATHE together! See you January 2nd....have a wonderful and safe New Year!

Nature's Call, Part 4

Of all the Nature Calls that tug on our hearts, perhaps the strongest and deepest is the question,

"Am I loved?"

It's a question that echoes through the most private recesses of our very being. 

We need to be loved. Deeply.

And we need to FEEL loved. Meaningfully.

Gary Chapman, in his books about the Five Love Languages, teaches that we actually speak (and understand) specific love languages.  You are probably familiar with this idea, and it's brilliant.  It really revolutionized how we express love within our family, because we started learning how to "speak" each other's language.  In  nutshell, the languages are:

Quality Time: focused attention, sharing, talking, shared activities

Gift-Giving: visual symbols of love

Physical Touch and Affection: hugs, pats, hand-holding, etc.

Words of Affirmation: verbal appreciation, encouragement

Acts of Service: serving in a sacrificial way

It started making sense that one child would feel loved when I would spend time with him (watching him play) and another would feel loved when I would help her clean her room.  I know I sure feel loved when my husband washes dishes or fills the gas tank.  It's more than the words, "I love you," it's the actions that speak right to the heart.

There's a 30 second quiz here.  And here's how to spot your child's love language.

When we meet each other's emotional needs, we "fill our tanks."  In our children, we'll see better behavior (gimme a high five on that) and fewer conflicts (five on the side!)  When their tank is full, they are free to think and grow and BE.  The same is true in marriage.  Oh, I love it when we are speakin the same language!

Today's Small Thing is to spend a few minutes considering your child's (and/or spouse's) Love Language.  Does he beam when you help him with one of his chores?  Is she extra sweet when you've given her a lot of hugs?  Do encouraging words light him up?  Take the easy quizzes and then look for ways to speak their language.

Answering your child's question, "Am I loved?" with a resounding "YES!" will give him security and confidence to go out into a world that is often harsh and unforgiving.  He will have an inner strength and courage to face whatever life brings.

It's what we ALL want.  It's what we ALL need.  And it's ours to give and receive.

Happy Valentine's Day!!  I love you girls!

POINTS:  20 for taking the 30 second quiz

BONUS: 10 for each family member's language you can identify  (if you're single, go with a room-mate, sibling, parent or friend)

EUREKA!!  This would make a great game to play as a family!  Who's on??

And what's YOUR Love Language?

Nature's Call, Part 3

Don't you love knowing that when you are playing with play-dough or throwing snowballs you aren't just "wasting time" but you are answering your child's need to belong?  When they start pestering you to pay attention to them, that's really their heart speaking.

But there's another Question on their hearts that they need an answer for.  It is:

"Am I significant?"

Some of us are still asking that question.  It means "Do I matter?  What is my place in the world?  Do I have value?" The question of significance goes way down deep in our souls.

Your home life is the best place to start answering that question.  You can do that for your children by providing opportunities to learn important life skills and character development. 

That's a fancy way of saying give them responsibilities and help them gain self-esteem.

OH YEAH!  Chores! Responsibilities!  Feeling good!

Trying to break this "Nature Call" down into one Small Thing is like trying to eat an elephant in one sitting.  So while you think about this concept as a whole, let's just take one little bite of it for today.

Character development and self-esteem come from learning to contribute to your family's operation.  In other words, it's not good for Junior to sit on his rear in front of the TV while you slave away with all the household responsibilities. 

Giving children manageable and age-appropriate chores helps them realize their significance to your family, and eventually to the bigger world.

Your Small Thing today is NOT to create an Excel spreadsheet with a complicated chore chart for your kids.  We'll do that some other time.  Today, I want you to think of ONE THING that your child could begin to master, and then imagine how you might help him work toward it.  This could be a chore, but it could also be a life skill, like tying shoes or riding a bike or loading a wash machine. 

How can you encourage him to learn this skill?  Make it as do-able and pleasurable as possible.

Finding Significance in life is a gift.  It happens when you have someone patiently encouraging you again and again to keep trying, keep working, keep putting effort into it.  As a parent, it is one of the most exasperating and frustrating experiences.  But it is also one of the most exhilarating.

Because when you're helping your child answer one of his Nature Calls, you're also answering your own. 

POINTS: 30 for identifying a skill/chore to master (perhaps consult with your child on this)

BONUS: 10 for finding a way to encourage it (verbal praise, chart, reward, etc.)

40 points max, even if you have a boatload (or is it "buttload??") of kids....

If your children aren't old enough for "life skills" (i.e. still working on that first tooth) or if they are grown, encourage someone you know who is significant in your life by telling them how they've impacted you.  And hey, take 30 points for sharing some Home Sanctuary Love!

Tell us about it!  I LOVE reading what you girls are doing!!!

Nature's Call, Part 2

 

There are three "Nature Calls" that are indelibly printed on our souls.  They are in the form of questions that we begin asking early in life.  If you have children, they are already asking you these questions, but often in ways we don't recognize.  Creating a Home Sanctuary is all about answering those deep questions of the heart for each family member.  It's really the thing that makes your home "feel good."

Last month, I touched on the first important Question that must be answered, which is:

"Where do I belong?"

Your children, your spouse, your loved ones all need to know, "You belong right here.  You belong to this family.  You belong to me."

That's a powerful, powerful thought.  We did something really simple to create a sense of belonging, and that was to know each other better.  See, I have a special bond with the people who know me best, those who have taken the time to see the real me.

But there's another way to express belonging, and that's Today's Small Thing.  It's so easy that its significance is often overlooked.

A deep sense of belonging happens when you share experiences and make memories together.  And I'm not talking about ski trips or visits to Disney World. 

I'm talking about the daily moments that take much less effort, but reap far greater rewards. 

It's the popcorn and movies on the couch. 

It's the board games. 

The dish-washing. 

The living-room wrestling matches.

The bed-time stories.

It's the things you do together that are unique to your family.

Making memories is less about creating photo-ops and more about building a life which, when reflected upon, gives you that warm feeling of belonging to something special.  The life you make will never be picture-perfect, but when you've made it together, well. 

You really have something there.

Today's Small Thing:  Do something with someone you love to build a library of good memories.  Share a story, split a cookie, play a game.  You choose! Let them know how glad you are that they belong to you.

POINTS: 40

Then let us know what you're doing!  After all, we Company Girls belong to each other!

Sanctuary is in the Small Things, 2008

Creating Sanctuary at home for yourself and for the people you love most is a lifelong journey. Along the way there are many wonderful days of joy and complete satisfaction, and then there are Those Days in which you can be overwhelmed with the chaos of daily life in this fast-paced world. I know because I’ve been there many times. Lord, help me, I'm there right now!

But over the years, one of the things that has helped me to have hope for experiencing true Home Sanctuary is to just make some kind of progress each day. Even the smallest of victories can buoy my spirits enough to keep me going.

I started looking at the tasks on my to-do list, and the things I want to do beyond that list to really make this place feel like a sanctuary, a refuge for my family. I realized that many (if not most) of them are very small things. It’s just that when they are added up together, the list can look so daunting I have a complete melt-down and can’t do ANY of it!

But what if I could do just one small thing each day to keep me moving in the right direction? If each thing took an average of 5 little minutes (loose change really), it would add up to 1,825 minutes in the course of a year! That’s about 30.5 hours of tasks, except they would in such small increments I’d hardly even remember doing them!

And what a difference just a tiny bit of effort makes! Sometimes I get so focused on the BIG things that I forget just how meaningful those small things can be.

On January 1, I’m going to start posting one “Small Thing” each weekday that I’m going try to do in my own home to create a little more sanctuary for my "peep's." I'll still post my other thoughts as I normally do, but these will just be daily snippets that I'd like to add.

I'm inviting you to join me in the small things because I think it will be much more fun with a Company Girl along.

Some of you may be way beyond my thinking here, but others of you know what it’s like to just need a lifeline to keep from drowning in a sea of despair.

Maybe you'd just like to have easy things to put on your list and then cross off.

Or perhaps you are wondering where to start to do things differently, to make a better life for your family.

Let's start with just one small thing at a time, period.

Most of the things will fall into the “Order” category, because it seems like that’s where I need it the most. Sometimes something as simple as clearing my countertops is enough to keep the wheels on for another day.

But there will also be small things to do foster “Peace” inside these walls. Peace in my relationships is really the foundation for everything else, and how often I need a gentle reminder to pay attention to what God is doing, and to pay attention my loved ones! Can Peace happen in 5 little minutes? Maybe not every time, but it can’t hurt to try.

Lastly, I will include simple things that we can all do to bring "Beauty" into our homes. Darn it, I want to live in a place that’s pretty and feels good! And even the rough and tough men around here like to see a fresh tablecloth on the table every now and then, even if they don’t admit it. Beauty is what appeals to all the senses to make home a special place.

This isn't going to be a complete Fly Lady cleaning routine. Besides the fact that the Fly Lady wears me out, I want to focus on the little things that matter beyond cleaning. And ya'll know I'm not Martha Stewart, with an unlimited staff and budget to work with. I'm on a shoestring here, my friends. It's gonna be quick, easy and inexpensive.

I am posting this now so that if you want to participate every day (or every now and then) next year, you can have a couple of weeks to think about it.

So, my dear Company Girls and Occasional Readers, I hope you’ll join me in doing just one "Small Thing" each day in 2008. I will post a list of supplies I think we'll need so it will be easy to stick to the 5 minutes (or so) rule. And don't worry: it's not going to be actual WORK. Some of it will be more fun than anything, you'll see!

As we approach the new year, I am praying for your homes and your families. I’m praying for your efforts and your hearts..... that each small thing you do will be a joy because it’s done out of gratitude and love.

Plus, what could be better than doing those small things with your friends?

Start your week with a little RESPECT

We could all use some Aretha to get our week going, so turn up the volume and enjoy!

This song makes me think about how important it is to respect what I'm doing today! On Mondays it's tough to get motivated: the house is a wreck from the weekend and the week stretches out before me in its endless weight of tasks. Washing the same clothes, picking up the same socks left by the same people who shall go unnamed, cleaning the same potties and wiping the same noses. Will this never end?? What in the world is all this for??

Well, let me tell you. The minutes and hours you are spending, doing all those things and raising those little ones, you are doing more that just keeping house. You are more than a maid. You are more than a chauffer. You are more than a day-care worker. You're somebody's mom, somebody's friend, and that makes you special.

Think about what you're doing: You are making a home. You are making a life for your family. You are making memories and history and a solid foundation for their lives.

You deserve some RESPECT!

Give yourself some cred! Respect the life you are living. Maybe it's not laced with luxuries or leisurely pursuits. Maybe you are working at a job and then going home to take care of business on the homefront. Maybe you are dealing with a toddler hiding his poo-poos in the corner, or a teenager hiding some bad grades. I don't know what you've got going on, but I know that the girls who read my blog have something really important in common. We share a heart for making a good life for our families, no matter what the circumstances.

Hey! You are a hard-working woman! You've got what it takes! You are a rockin gal! Ain't nobody that can do it better than you! You might be soft on the outside, but on the inside, you are standing tall and taking it to 'em!

Give yourself a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T!

Now, replay the song and lip-sync along with Aretha! C'mon, I'll sing it with you!

Sanctuary in Suburbia. Not the Impossible Dream!

It seems easy to think of my Barn House as a sanctuary. Because of its location, a few miles out of town and tucked back from the road, you do feel like you've found a little unfashionable oasis in this busy world. But don't let that fool you. Cable TV, High Speed Internet, video games and the stresses of life are all still readily knocking at our door, just like it was when we lived in suburbia. The only real difference is that it is a lot quieter.

For almost 20 years, we lived in your typical suburban neighborhood. At our last residence, our neighbors' houses were so close to us we could almost lean out our windows and shake hands with them. We could see into each others' back yards, and our front door was maybe 25 feet from a busy street. Our front yard was a small patch of green grass.

And yet somehow we found ways to make it a home sanctuary. While we longed to move to Montana, or at LEAST to the piney woods of east Texas, the years went by and we had to make do with what we had. It wasn't perfect, but it did seem like we owned a little slice of peace in our cookie-cutter world.

I've thought back to those days and realized that we still do most of the same things now that we did then.

We didn't move to a sanctuary,we brought sanctuary with us.

Here are some simple ways we made our suburban home a sanctuary:

1. Start at the front door. A pot of flowers and a swept front porch says "Welcome." Not just to visitors, but to your family. Some years we didn't have the time or money to put in a big show of annual flower beds, but a few blooms in a pot is always the first thing that says "I care about this place" to anyone who comes through the door.

2. Make a grand entance. Our last house had a PITIFUL entryway. You opened the front door and would nearly run into the steps upstairs. Our lovely Barn House has a sliding door that opens into the kitchen--so tacky. But regardless of our lack of a grand entryway, I ask myself: "What is the first thing my family (or visitors) will see when they come it?" The clutter of mail, shoes, toys, and in our case, dirty dishes? Take a few minutes each day to tidy that up. Be vigilant about the "Drop Zones" and have everyone put their backpacks and papers where they belong.

3. Turn down the noise level. At one point, our neighbors played their music so loudly, it vibrated the pictures on our walls. So pleasant. We had to confront that issue and it nearly came to blows. Our other neighbor's dog barked incessantly. Incessantly, I tell you. That confrontation didn't go well either. But the things we could control, the TV, radio, stereo, children's voices, we worked on. I always felt that kids didn't need to be yelling in the house. Not at me, not at each other, not for fun. Take it outside, kids, or face the consequences.

4. Have some good smells coming from the kitchen. Hey, the Pillsbury crescent rolls smell almost as good as home made, so that counts, too. Even fishsticks and tater tots taste better when eaten together.

5. Guard your family time. My sister Katherine has a great post about this. Our kids used to think we were mean and unrealistic about requiring family time, but I think it paid great rewards. As my husband, Tom, likes to say, "This isn't a way-station, where you just change clothes for the next event. You gotta live here, too." So what if your kids say there's nothing to do here. So what if you're bored. Boredom is good.

6. Create a sense of Order.  OK, this is a whole post in and of itself.  I will post a complete thought on this on Friday, so stay tuned for that.  For today, I will mention Minimum Maintenance. Minimum Maintenance is simply recognizing that a there is a minimum amount of effort that needs to go into each day to make it work. It is a morning (or evening) run through of the house, picking up and straightening. I spend NO MORE than 5 minutes per room, (15 minutes in the kitchen). This isn't a heavy-duty cleaning process, but it is enough to make me feel on top of my day. I've said before how much a timer has helped me, and I encourage you to see how much you can accomplish in 5 little minutes!

7. Have a sense of fun. Life can get to be awfully heavy with responsibilities and stresses. Give your children the gift of joy as you look for things to enjoy and treasure each day. In our city life, we played in the backyard, made forts in the living room, and ate cookies whenever possible. We didn't have wide open spaces to run around in, but we had each other and we made some great memories. Regardless of where your sanctuary is, it is really all about the people who live there.

I come back to my theory that Peace, Order and Beauty is the three-legged stool that Sanctuary rests on. Ask yourself: in which of these areas can I improve how my home operates day-to-day? My challenge has always been the clutter that threatens any peace and beauty that's going on. Maybe you are there, too. I know I will never be as organized as Laura the Org Junkie, but on Friday I will share more on what has worked for a struggler like me.

She said it better than I did

One of my sweet Company Girls, Mary@ Not Before 7, has posted some beautiful thoughts about God's first sanctuary in Genesis 1-3.  She recently spent some time on vacation at the beach with her family, and had a chance to think about what that first sanctuary was like.  I won't spoil the surprise, but how she applies those observations to her own family is simply wonderful.  I loved this entry, too.  It made me stop and look at the world around me with fresh eyes.  Head on over to her blog and enjoy!

Eden's Sanctuary: A Lite Treatise

A couple of weeks ago, I posted some thoughts on man's first home sanctuary, the Garden of Eden.  I'd like to park here for another minute and make a few observances about this very special place.

1.  God made an incredible earth, and then made an even more spectacular place for Adam and Eve.  He carefully placed them into this garden.  We were created for sanctuary...or sanctuary was created for us.  Either way, it explains the longing for it in our soul.

2.  God's creation was excellent in every way.

3.  The garden was separate from the world outside.  This is a very important point.

4.  The garden was separate from the world outside.  This point should be made twice.

5.  Eden was beautiful.  Some of the plants in there were created just for their beauty.  Just because.

6.  All gardens have an element of surprise:  you just never know how something will bloom and grow!

7.  Eden smelled heavenly, with all those flowers and trees and moss.

8.  Eden sounded lovely.  It was a symphony of bird songs, animal sounds, rustling vegetation and bablbing brooks.  There was no noise of TV's, blaring radios, or honking horns.

9.  There was plenty of nutritious food, and none of it came in a package.

10. It was the perfect temperature and atmosphere for Adam and Eve and all the living things.  In other words, Eden satisfied all their senses.  It was delightful.

11. Adam and Eve were created in the image and likeness of God.  Wow.

12.  Right smack in the middle of the garden were two trees:  right from the get-go people had choices to make.  Within their own sanctuary.

13.  Adam was given a job to do.  You could say he had a home-based business.

14.  Eve was given a job to do...to be his helper.  She was a workin woman.

15. Their job was to tend and care for the garden.  It needed maintenance and nurturing.  Life wasn't all fun and games in Eden, but I'll bet they enjoyed their job because it was their calling.

16. Their job required organizational skills, even without junk mail to sort and laundry to do.

17.  God showed Adam all the animals before He made Eve.  Some things never change.  Men still need to see their options and come to their own conclusions.  (Eve wasn't there yet to tell him how much he needed her.)

18.  Eve was a gift to Adam, created especially for him.  I wonder how I can be a gift to my own man?  I've got some thoughts on that, here and here.  Oh, and here.

19.  There were no parents or in-laws in the garden.  (Moses, who wrote the book of Genesis, threw in some commentary for free. v 24)

20.  They were both naked.  I'm not sure how much actual work was getting done with both of them running around naked, but I'm going to guess that there was plenty of sex.  Hmmmm.

21.  They had no shame.  They were intimately vulnerable with one another, on every level.

22.  God's presence was in the garden.  He walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day.  Great picture!  Their relationship with God was the central part of their sanctuary.

23.  After they ate of the forbidden fruit, they blamed each other for their problems.  Ouch, still true today.

24. Why did Satan use food to tempt Eve?  Because he knew she would fall for it.  Yeah, still true.

25. Adam and Eve tried to hide from God's presence because they knew they had disobeyed. 

26. Sin brought shame.

27. Sin brought an end to the first sanctuary.

28.God had to put guards outside the entrance of the garden because He knew they would want back in.

29. God called out to Adam, "Where are you?"

30. Somehow, I think God is still calling out to us, "Where are you?" 

I'm going through my list of observations and I'm trying to apply them to my modern-day home sanctuary.  Things like, 

Is it a place that pleases the senses?  Does it smell good?  Does it have a sense of beauty?  Does it feel good?

Am a vulnerable, open partner with my husband?  Is our relationship deep AND fun?

More importantly, am I walking with my Creator in the cool of the day?  Is my relationship with Him fresh and growing?

The garden of Eden speaks to me in a way that makes me want to capture the essence of what God planned for Adam and Eve, and infuse my home with it.  I've got a long way to go, but somehow just knowing that God delighted in creating that first home sanctuary for his prized people gives me a renewed vision for what I want my home to be. 

I would love to hear your observations about Eden and how you can apply it to your home.  Your comments?

In God's first sanctuary, there was no laundry.

Think about it. Adam and Eve were nekked and unashamed, so there was no laundry to do. Eve also never had to do any dishes because they just ate stuff off trees.

Heaven. Pure, pure heaven.

When I began to meditate on "Sanctuary," I started looking at all the scriptures I could find that talked about God's sanctuary. In the Bible, where God lived was often called a temple, a tabernacle, His holy hill, Zion, or the Courts of the Lord. I figured that I should see what kind of place God wanted to reside in. I was surprised to find just how many references there were, and how much could be gleaned from them!

Right there in Genesis, is the very first sanctuary. It's not called that, but that's really what it was. The garden of Eden was an incredible place of beauty and perfection, created especially for Adam and Eve. It had everything they needed--plentiful, sumptuous fruit, soft beds of grass, cuddly animals, and best of all, God's presence was there.

I truly believe that the source of our longing for sanctuary is because we were created for it. It is deep within our souls. We long for peace and beauty, for quiet and spiritual communion.

We long for meals to be eaten directly off of trees with no plates involved.

But this first sanctuary also came with some responsibilities. Even though Adam and Eve did not have to do their own laundry, they were given the job of taking care of the garden, and ruling over the earth's creatures. I started realizing that my idea of a leisurely home sanctuary was not based on scripture. Rats! But come to think of it, another innate desire we have is to do something, to accomplish something. Perhaps that's why we feel so frustrated when we feel like we never get anything done.

Before sin entered the garden, God walked with Adam and Eve and was known intimately by them. How amazing is that! They were able to enjoy His presence every day. But their sin removed them from the garden that had been so carefully made for them, and it removed them from the sweet friendship they had with their Creator.

In truth, there can be no Home Sanctuary apart from God. The very meaning of the word, "sanctuary", is "holy place:" a place where God resides. Part of my journey has been to realize my desperate need for a Savior, and complete dependence on God's grace through Jesus Christ. Being raised in a Christian home gave me a good foundation to base my life, but I often let sins like bitterness, anger, jealousy, laziness, pride and selfishness (just to name a few) keep me from enjoying a deep relationship with God. So much of the time I try and justify myself, rather than repent of those things that separate me from Him. And then I wonder why it's so hard to create my little sanctuary here at home!

When you get a moment, take a look at Genesis 1-3. I challenge you to make some observations of the world that God created, and see what you can apply to your own home. Unfortunately, we cannot walk around completely naked, but you may find yourself awed by what our Creator had in mind when He made that first sanctuary.