Are you exasperated by the lack of response from your children (and spouse) when you tell them you need something done? Today's Small Thing reprises one of my favorite and most effective posts for getting them off their duffs and into action.
Courtesy of Flickr
I'm relieved that the heyday of low-rise jeans is about over. They're so risky. If you happen to drop something on the floor, you have to think about who or what is behind you before you stoop to pick it up. And even if YOU'RE careful, you never know when you're going to get an eyeful of bottom cleavage from someone else who isn't worried about giving away a free show.
I've seen just about enough butt-cracks to know that most of it ain't pretty, no matter what kind of undies lurk beneath.
There's always been a ban on super low-risers at our house. We're a modest bunch, but even so, there are times when more gets revealed than just a BVD label. When we're at home home with the fam, we can relax our guard just a bit. You can sit cross-legged on the floor and no one is going to drop a penny down the gap. However, be forewarned that you might be notified if even so much as your "Pre-Crack" is showing.
A Pre-Crack is the area just above the actual crack, characterized by mounded flesh just below hip level. It's kind of your Pre-Bottom valley. Everyone has a Pre-Crack, even thin people, who might have a couple of dimples there to introduce the lower crevice.
I'd like to talk about Pre-Cracks as a public service today, but I'm not going to discuss the physical ones on our bodies.
I'm talking about Pre-Cracks as a verb to denote what a woman needs to do in order for people in the household to get a-crackin on whatever task she needs them to do.
Pre-Crackin the Whip, if you will.
I've found that motivating children, husbands and even co-workers can be difficult. I've often entered a room to find my homies draped over the furniture like ragdolls, mindlessly watching YouTube videos of cats, and looking at me blankly when I suggest they get up and do something productive.
They seem so...surprised. And more than a little bummed.
It always works better when I give advance warning that "in X amount of time I will be asking you to do X activity." I sometimes like to add that I will expect "X attitude" when the time comes in which I will do the asking. That last X stands for "willing and cheerful."
The Pre-Crack speech is effective because it allows my children time to adjust their thinking and finish up what they are doing, before they "cheerily" get off their duffs and on to my request.
It respects their time and dignity while setting the tone for what is to be expected next.
Today's Small Thing is to expose your Pre-Crack by planning ahead.
Don't spring "Time for Bed, NOW" on your darlings. Set a time, give them advance warning and then (here's the tricky part), follow through. And don't just walk in and hand your man a wrench and expect him to turn immediately from ESPN to fix the wash machine. Try greasing the skids a little with a general discussion ahead of time as to what your needs are.
The Pre-Crack lets others know what's coming and gives them a chance to zip up their duds to work with you.
The bottom line is that a Home Sanctuary fosters a spirit of cooperation within the family. Sometimes we need to wedge a bit of kind, advance instruction and a 5 minute warning in there to make it happen.
And a smooth end, my friend, is a beautiful thing.
Company Girl Kudos for Pre-Crackin the whip (or just explaining nicely what you want in advance). Extra CG Kudos for following through with appropriate encouragement, reward and/or discipline for cooperation, or the lack thereof.
Would love to hear your Pre-Crackin' story today! How has this method helped you? Is a Pre-Crack something you could incorporate into your parenting strategy?
I'd love to connect with you.
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I recently heard a terrific quote:
"A good question is better than a good answer,
because a good answer means the end of the conversation."
I'll bet each of us knows someone who is so busy talking that they never pause to listen to what you have to say. It's so frustrating. And I find that I dread conversations with those people because I feel... superfluous. I've vowed to not be "that person," who is only interested in their own opinion, but to be a good listener instead.
Because listening makes people feel valued. Validated. Less lonely. These are good things, people. These are things I want the people around me to feel. Me talking and talking does not make this happen. I've got a long way to go, but I'm working on it.
I've vowed to ask good questions.
And I've found that two simple questions are transforming my conversations. They immediately put a sparkle into the other person's eye, and inspire thoughtful interaction.
Here they are:
1. "What do you think?"
How about, instead of blurting out your strong opinion about, say, the moral decay in our society, you ask what the other person thinks first? You might be surprised to learn a nuance or viewpoint that your monologue would have shut down, had you gone first.
The next time your child asks, "why is the sky blue?" try to turn it around.
"Why do YOU think it's blue?" You might be charmed by an answer that's way better than your technical explanation of the atmosphere, and be engaged in a memorable conversation you might have otherwise missed.
Save your opinion for after the other person has answered...and then cut it in half. Or maybe don't even give it. Sometimes your "right" opinion feels like you've "one upped" the other person, which is death to a relationship. Leave a conversation open ended, that you can come back to later to discuss.
2. "How do you feel about that?"
This is not the same question as #1, although they are similar. The first has to do with the mind: opinions, information, the exchange of ideas. This has to do with the heart.
Feelings are tender things. And they should be handled with the utmost care. Give time to listen and reflect on the priceless gift being given to you - a glimpse into a person's soul.
This is a question we don't really like to ask our husbands, because we don't always want to know the answer. We don't want to hear words like, "afraid, scared, hurt, anxious, doubting." But they are the very words he might need to say - without receiving judgment from you. And perhaps if you ask it, without judging the answer, you'll receive the same consideration in return.
Your children, your friends, your co-workers, everyone around you wants to be asked these two simple questions. In our own need to be seen and heard, we often plow right past people who have value, who need validation, who feel lonely. Simply being asked makes all the difference in the world.
And be sure to listen to the answers.
Today's Small Thing is to ask these two powerful questions.
They will transform your conversations and your relationships. I promise.
I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall and hear what happens today. Will you please let us know??
I'm so grateful for my man, Tom. We've been through a whole lot....in a way, we grew up together, since we were practically children when we married. I was 19 and he was a dashing 22.
Quiet, sweet, understated and kind, this man is my best friend and I am so blessed. And now that our kids decided to leave us, we are enjoying a second honeymoon of sorts. Nobody told me about this part...it's been a terrific surprise. But that is a sidenote.
This morning, Tom brought me coffee. It is a simple gesture that means a lot to me because he doesn't touch the stuff himself. He never thinks about going to Starbucks, or having a cup of coffee with a friend, or waking up with a hot cup of joe. That's why, when he goes downstairs and pours just the right amount of cream and adds the coffee and brings it upstairs to me, I feel loved.
Love happens in little ways.
During Valentines week, we tend to think of the big moments: the flowers, candy, fireworks, romantic dinners.....all very grand, but they often have little to do with what a lasting relationship is made of.
A lasting relationship - in marriage and friendship - is about the kindnesses. The small acts of thoughtfulness that go into each day.
Today's Small Thing is to do a special act of kindness.
Sometimes, simply asking, "Can I get you anything?" can make someone's day. How often my husband has looked at me with appreciation for a glass of water, or a second helping of mashed potatoes, or the remote control.
Maybe you could ask, "Is there anything I can do for you today?" My husband always has a mile-long To Do list and loves it when I take something off of it.
Some people call an act of kindness "paying it forward," and I like that saying. Maybe that's what we are doing today. It's just that we usually think of paying it forward to a stranger, when there are people right under our noses who could use a small pick-me-up.
Children are often the most excited about being the recipients of an act of kindness, because even they can sense when someone is going out of their way to do something nice. And they love to be part of a secret plan to make someone else happy - just ask them!
Today, take a moment to perform a small act of kindness toward a family member, co-worker, husband or friend. Bring Sanctuary to another person by making them feel loved.
What small thing can you do for someone? What speaks love to them?
I was sitting in the salon, getting my hair done, when my stylist's phone rang.
"Hullo." She was clearly not happy to be speaking to the other person. She frowned.
"Yup." The conversation from this end was monosyllabic, monotone answers - and I thought maybe somebody had died or something.
She hung up without a goodbye, and I was worried about her.
"Everything OK?" I didn't want to pry, but it sounded so serious.
"Oh! Everything's fine. That was my fiance!" She smiled and started telling me about her wedding plans...but by now I was worried about her poor fiance. If that's how excited she was to talk with him now, I could only imagine what their conversations would be like in five years...or ten. I couldn't imagine that he felt much love coming his way, simply from the tone of her voice.
Most of us know that we can set the "thermostat" of our homes - the level of joy and sanctuary - by our own attitudes. When mama chooses to be joyful, it's pretty amazing how that feeling spreads.
But the tone of your speaking voice is another powerful tool for creating an atmosphere of love, joy and belonging. It's not just the words you say - it's HOW you say them that matters.
Here are five ways to change your tone:
1. Pay attention to how you emphasize your words.
"I love you." Mumbled quickly, it's a sweet thing to say.
"I LOVE you." Puts the emphasis on the action of love. OH MY HEART! It's overflowing!
"I love YOU." Puts the emphasis on the person who is the object of the love. YOU! YOU SPECIAL, WONDERFUL YOU!!!
Hey, did you say the above sentences out loud? I did...just to try it out. Go ahead and try it, too. We'll wait.
2. Smile while you speak.
Now try saying those same sentences above WHILE SMILING.
Speaking while smiling changes the sound of the words ever so slightly. Can you hear it? Studies show that people can hear a smile over the phone, or on a commercial voice-over. A smile softens your tone immediately, and makes you slow down in your diction. It is irresistable to the hearer, and makes the listener receptive to your message.
Hey. Smile when you say hello to your husband on the phone. Act like you're happy to talk to him. Just saying.
3. Turn down the volume.
Are you shouting to your kids/spouse from the next room? Um, hate to say this, but you sound shrill. Be honest: Have you ever heard a woman shout attractively? Me neither. Plus you have to screw up your face and put your hands on your hips....not how you want to be remembered.
Make a habit of speaking face to face whenever possible. Don't let your kids/spouse shout to you from the other room...make them physically come and speak to you. And give them the same consideration by taking your little legs and walking to where they are.
This is how you build respect, and a tone of honor.
4. Take a deep breath first.
Before you launch into your mom-monologue or your rant or your scolding...take a breath. Choose your words. Cut them in half. Say them kindly. Pausing will never hurt your relationship. Lashing out with "how you really feel" cannot be taken back, and those harsh words may wound for a lifetime.
Ask for a time out, if you know you're going to explode. Walk away and say a prayer. I know this is hard, but your children need your words to be life-giving and affirming, even in discipline. You can say something like, "Please go to your room and wait. Mommy is too angry right now to talk. I'll be there in 15 minutes and we'll discuss it then." It's OK for your kids to see you angry, but it's not good for them to bear the brunt of your unbridled words.
Ps. 141:3 Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.
5. Talk less.
"My kids don't listen to me," is a common complaint from moms. And, "My husband doesn't listen to me," is one as well.
Maybe, perhaps, could be.... they've tuned you out. If you are taking ten sentences to say what could be said in two, they've tuned out eight of them. Unfortunately, they may have inadvertently tuned out the most important ones. Darn it!
Most of us simply talk too much. And sometimes our message just gets lost in all that verbiage. We think we are making it better and clearer by talking more...but actually the opposite is true. Learn to state things clearly and succinctly. You really don't have to say every single word that comes into your head.
Today's Small Thing is to change your tone.
Let the tone of your voice reflect the love you have for the people around you. Use the five tips above to radically change your home, without doing one other thing. You will be amazed at how conflicts can be diffused, attitudes can be changed, and the atmosphere can lift - simply by altering your tone.
Is this a challenge for you? Do you have trouble with any of these? What changes do you see when you pay attention to the tone of your voice?
I've been looking at my (ahem) routine and wondering:
1. Why I need one in the first place, and
2. How I could get more out of it, if let's say, I had one.
First off, my excuse: my days are anything but routine. Some days I'm on a jobsite painting, other days I'm in my office on Facebook Twitter Pinterest writing, some days I'm cleaning like June Cleaver. You just never know. Hence, no "real" schedule.
And that may be true on the surface, but the reality is, I DO have a routine, and whether I admit it or not, it could be improved upon. I took a birds-eye view of a typical day and found that there are a few simple things I could do to make my day run more smoothly. Maybe you'd like to try these with me.
1. Start the day by going to bed the night before - at a regular time.
I typically crawl into bed around 10:30 and catch up on Facebook. An hour later I say, "Oh, crud! I just wasted an hour!" And then I try to fall asleep without thinking about all the funny cat videos I watched, or the distractify posts I laughed about, or everyone's dinner pictures. Julie, your Chicken Alfredo looked divine.
Discipline yourself to turn off the light at a set time.
2. Get up and get going.
Build in a little extra time for morning devotions and/or exercise. BHAHAHAHAHAHA.
No, really. These are both things that I tend to push to the end of the day, and by then I feel much more haphazard and less likely to follow through.
Set your alarm fifteen minutes earlier.
3. Do hard things first.
You know, that thing you've been putting off? That task that's tough to do? Balancing the checkbook, making that appointment, paying that bill, writing that article. It's usually not the task itself that causes stress, it's the procrastination of it that wears you down. Tackle it early.
Write down your top three things to accomplish and do those first.
4. Look for pockets.
Did you know that most household tasks can be done in 15 minutes or less? True. It's just that we say to ourselves, "I must clean the house and that will take four hours." And who, really, has four whole hours?
It would be better to say, "I need to fold this load of laundry and put it away." Fifteen minutes, BOOM.
Make a cheat sheet of quick tasks you can do, and bite off small chunks until it becomes a habit.
5. Ask yourself: What good can I do today? Ala Ben Franklin.
I love how Mr. Franklin asked himself this in the morning, and then again at night. It gave purpose and meaning to the rest of his routine...and I think we can all use that. It's the intentionality that makes all the difference.
Look for ways to add value to others.
6. Stop the leaks. Or the hemorrhages. Whichever.
I think I'm leaking time with my phone. I wrote about that recently. I'm working on checking it less so I can focus more. Maybe you're leaking time on TV or Netflix. Perhaps waiting in lines. Maybe making too many trips to the store because you're flying without a menu plan.
Simply taking a look, numbering our days and making small adjustments can shore up those leaks and make us more effective women.
And I'm all for being effective - an effective mama, an effective employee, an effective creator-lady, an effective Jesus-follower.
Do you struggle with a routine? Does the word "routine" sound nicer than "schedule?" It does to me. Let's make friends with Routine and see if she doesn't become THAT THING that takes us to the next level!
How will you use today's challenge?
January causes me to be reflective about many things, especially about the ways I use my time and energy.
For the past several years I've thought a lot about this blog and about why in the world someone like me would write daily about "mundane" things like laundry, dishes and vacuuming. I mean, I could see a more Martha Stewart-like person (highly organized and extremely creative) taking it on and showing the world how it should be done....but me?
I'm the one who naturally puts off all those things in favor of daydreaming and making up stories. Making piles, er "stacks" is my signature organizational style. Hardly something to emulate.
And yet, here I am. For the past six of my seven blogging years, I've posted daily Small Things - simple, easy tasks - that revolve around the home. Not because I'm passionate about cleaning, but because I'm passionate about sanctuary: the idea that my home should be a place of refuge and grace for the people I love. I want this place to feel good to come home to. Housekeeping is (unfortunately) a big part of creating that for my family, but really, it's just one piece of the puzzle.
You see, I've learned that a home sanctuary is a three-legged stool. It takes three things to make home feel like a place of belonging:
Peace, Order and Beauty.
I've written about them many times before, and I always seem to come back to this trio because they are so interwoven. When I have some semblance of order at home, there is a sense of peace that comes. Being able to find a matching pair of socks brings an incredible feeling of happiness to me. Seeing a sink, empty of dirty dishes, makes my heart soar. I've found amazing beauty in a coffee table devoid of candy wrappers and soda cans. And making small changes in my attitude has affected my family relationships in a big way. Every single task I do seems to fall into one of these three categories - and I find that just knowing THAT gives me a sense of purpose.
I've learned that Small Things matter.
I'm passionate about sharing that sanctuary is not just for the Martha Stewarts of this world. Tired women with too much on their plates can make it happen - in small ways every day.
You don't need to be able to reupholster a chair before breakfast to be a supermom. You don't have to create an amazing centerpiece out of fresh greenery you've cut from your backyard and then photograph it beautifully in order to be a successful homemaker. It really is OK to clutch your cup of coffee like a life raft in the morning and shuffle around until you are conscious. It's OK that the laundry is piled up and that your kids are having cold cereal for dinner again. Really, making a sanctuary is about so much more than that.
Sanctuary is about loving one another inside these four walls.
Sometimes loving someone means sorting socks for them. Sometimes it means planning a menu or setting up a housekeeping schedule so you can focus on other things. Sometimes it means locking the door and taking a long bubble bath without anyone bothering you. Sometimes is means that you rearrange a bookshelf or empty the dishwasher - tasks that are housekeeping in nature but are in fact, ways of loving yourself and your family. And when you see these mundane tasks for what they really are, suddenly you see sanctuary happening all around you.
Today's Small Thing is to commit yourself to creating a home sanctuary.
You are not committing to being a superwoman - we know we can't keep that up for more than a week, tops. What you ARE committing to is a deliberate choice to find beauty in each day, no matter how difficult your circumstances. It's there, and God will help you find it - I know he will. Commit to doing ONE thing - a Small Thing from here at Home Sanctuary or something of your own choosing - that brings a touch of peace, order or beauty into your home. I'm here to help you do that each day.
What we do here isn't hard. It's not rocket science. It's not revolutionary.
But it's powerful.
Small steps have the power to create sanctuary.
They have the power to change your life because big things happen in small, daily efforts. God takes the tiniest bit that we have and adds to it in a mighty way. If you have just a shred of faith and hope that he can make something good happen, then stay along with me this year, 2014. We'll do our little part....and then leave the rest to him. Watch a miracle take place in your home - one Small Thing at a time. I hope you'll subscribe to the daily blog feed via email or blog reader (link is at the top right corner of my blog) so you won't miss a thing. And then subscribe to my newsletter, which comes out only occasionally. These are easy ways to stay connected with me and the rest of the Company Girls as we create home sanctuaries together.
What is one thing you can do today to bring a bit of peace, order or beauty into your home?
"You belong to me."
These are some of the most wonderful, powerful words that can ever be spoken....or heard.
Has anyone ever told you that? A parent, or a husband, or a friend? Maybe a grandparent?
Maybe you've never once heard them, but wish you had.
These words are special because they are part of a larger story. They hold meaning and history and love and fierceness and ownership. They mean identity and a sense of place. They mean comfort and protection and nurture.
They mean connectedness.
They mean home.
Sometimes we get busy with life and we shout, "Love you!" as a car door closes, or whisper our "Love yous" as we turn out the light, with a kiss and a hug. These are important and wonderful to our kids and spouses. But I wonder how often we take the time to look in their eyes and say:
You are mine.
You belong to me.
There is no greater gift I've been given in this world - than you.
Psychology tells us that "belongingness" is one of the most powerful human needs in the world. In fact, it is listed as one of the top 5 needs of a human, which compels much of the activity in the world. Connecting with others, giving and receiving love, identifying with something larger than yourself...these are all part of the belonging that each of us craves.
Giving your children a sense of belonging is one of the most important things you can do for them. They will go out into the world and learn that they don't belong to the popular crowd, or to the iphone5 crowd, or that they don't go to the right school or drive the right car to belong in a group they think is cool. They'll feel excluded from friendships and denied acceptance at the lunch table. They won't be invited to a birthday party, which is the most horrible of horrors. They will doubt their place in this world. It will happen.
But they will always belong to you. You will always see the best in them. You'll see their talents and their abilities and the way their eyes light up when they talk about dinosaurs or legos or pancakes. You'll see how they shine, how they fail, how they try and how they hurt. You'll see everything about them and notice all the details...because they are yours.
And they will always have that deep sense of belonging in their heart because you gave it to them.
There is strength in it. There is power. And even when the time comes that your teenager doesn't really want to be seen with you in public, they will always know deep down...that they belong to you, and there is safety in that knowledge.
Today's Small Thing is to say, "You belong to me."
Maybe the words feel awkward and a little corny. You don't know how to pop that into a conversation. But perhaps tonight, when the light is out and little heads are tucked on pillows, you should lean in close and whisper.
"You are mine. I love you, and you belong to me. I will never let you go. You are my gift, my light, my joy."
And maybe they'll say, "Aw, mom! Yuck!" But they will smile in the dark, because they belong somewhere. To someone.
And that, my dear friend, is more precious than anything.
Tell me your story of belonging: do you feel a sense of belonging? Do your children know - through your words and actions - that they belong? How did they respond to your words today?
Last week I took a break from blogging and (most of) social media so I could enjoy time with Grayson, our college son who was home for spring break. We didn't have any big plans, but as I suspected, we stayed up too late watching movies and talking, and I didn't feel much like retreating to the office to write a post each night. And although I didn't specifically excuse myself from Facebook and Twitter, I pulled back enough to realize just how much I enjoy life without being tethered to my phone.
I was reminded to breathe.
To inhale deeply of each present moment, and choose to exhale freely with contentment.
Funny how easy it is to "forget" the one thing that is supposed to be my focus for 2013....breathing. Life gets going, the calendar gets filled, and my mind gets occupied with stuff that really isn't all that important
Ooh, a new follower on Twitter.
Ooh, I better answer this email.
Ooh, a comment on my blog post.
Ooh, a cute cat video on Facebook.
Ooh, a link to an article on (fill in the blank).
Ooh, a text from Suzy.
All of it seems so impatient for my attention that I become a victim to the demands of the media streams that fill my phone, laptop and office computer. Checking in becomes a habit that interrupts conversations and thoughts and devotions and stillness.
I forget that I need stillness. Quiet. And so do you.
Today's Small Thing is to set your social media aside for one solid hour.
Can you go two hours? How about a whole morning? A full day? Now, that might be scary.
Emails, chats, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, Pinterest....it's all good, it's all fine. Really. There's nothing wrong with any of it.
It's just that the online world can creep in and expand to fill the spaces that we need for quiet. The spaces that we need to leave empty so that we can hear God speak, or listen *uninterrupted* to our child tell a story, or notice the color of the evening clouds.
It's in the quiet that we find ourselves and learn to breathe again.
For those who aren't playing for points, go ahead and challenge yourself to this task as well. Let's swim against the tide and be in control of media, instead of the other way around. Set your phone aside, close your laptop, turn off the monitor...just for an hour.
Let's breathe today.
Tell me: how do you manage media? Do you struggle to set boundaries? Do you have some tips for creating boundaries? I hope you'll share.
One of the biggest challenges I face when writing a motivational blog that rewards specific, measurable tasks at home, is that so much of motherhood - and life - is filled with things that cannot ever really be measured.
I know, we're all trying to get organized and find important papers and open the refrigerator door without fear, but in the big scheme of life those things are barely even significant. Not when you compare them to the ways we should love one another, how we should speak to each other, and make room for each other's faults and celebrate small moments of beauty. Or how we should trust God in the midst of trials, or model good character to our kids day in and day out.
Do you know what I'm saying?
How can you ever measure the importance of letting cleaning wait so you can gaze into your baby's eyes and stroke her tiny fingers as you feed her?
You could you never put a number on the patience it takes to listen to a nine-year old tell you a story that appears to have no end...and no point. And yet you smile and nod and notice how his freckles are so darn cute and his smile is just a little lopsided.
You certainly can't put a price tag on staying up late with your teenager to eat popcorn in the kitchen and talk about boys and hairstyles, and you couldn't ever know the value of just one more bedtime story or a kiss on a forehead or that look you give your child that says, "that just about enough out of you, sir."
No one gives you points for the things moms do to smooth squabbles, feed tummies or wipe bottoms to the best of your ability. Checking behind ears for dirt, playing This Little Piggy, doling out discipline and forever wondering if you're doing a good enough job...not one task can be measured because each child, each circumstance, each day is different and requires every last ounce of a mom's best energy and attention. And don't even mention watching clouds and chasing fireflies and finding rainbows....they'll never get checked off anyone's list, but they're some of the moments that truly matter - and only come when you're willing to drop your To Do's to catch them.
The truth is, although our lists fill our days with busy tasks, it's the things that rarely make our lists that make life sweet and good. It's when we look up from our phone apps and emails and measurable tasks and see the little people (and big people) who need us to BE with them in the moment, fully present and engaged, that everything comes into clear focus.
The things that can't be measured are worth our very best efforts, our highest goals and our strongest pursuits.
Love and faith and grace should be the whole point of all our other tasks - that perhaps in reprioritizing them we will leave room for the immeasurable joy that comes when we're simply...available.
Looking for the moments that connect us to each other and with God.
Today's Small Thing is to do something that can't be measured or checked off a list.
Hold a hand in the car on the way to where you're late to, sprawl across your child's bed and whisper in the dark, or look - really look - at your son or daughter as they speak. It doesn't matter what. You choose. You grab hold of the moment. You give it the attention it deserves.
Intangible, immeasurable, uncountable, unfathomable. Today, let love and grace fill in the spaces your To Do list cannot possibly reach...and simply enjoy what comes.
POINTS: 50 - because in real life you never get points for doing the immeasurable.