Home Sanctuary

5 Communication Tips from Marketers

I recently snapped this photo at my local feed store - a perfect example of how NOT to make a sign.

 

I don't know which is worse: the fact that the sign painter didn't plan the layout, or the store owner saying, "Looks good, let's go with it."

A few minutes of planning would have made all the difference in legibility. After all, isn't communication the whole purpose of a sign? Ya might want to make sure people can read it.

Planning is an important part of signage... and all forms of marketing for that matter. Billions of dollars are spent on advertising products so that you'll "buy in" to their message. Companies create focus groups, do market research and conduct polls to best understand how to reach their target market. Then they carefully craft their logos, fonts, colors, brands, commercials and advertisements to appeal to the consumer in such a way that they'll WANT to spend money on their product.

You know, when it comes to communication at home, we could learn a few things from the marketing world. We are communicating every day- to our children, our spouse, our co-workers...if you think about it, we want people to "buy in" to our message, too. Whether it is giving instructions, sharing our feelings or talking about our day, we need our "customers" to understand and respond to what we are saying. 

Here are 5 Tips from the marketing world that can help in your personal world of communication:

1. Know your target market. Do you need to tell your husband something important? Try putting it in terms he understands. Sports analogies, technical terms, bottom lines and examples from his own life show that you value the things he cares about as you express yourself.

2. Timing is everything. There is a reason that arthritis medicine commercials air during the evening news. Marketers know that is the time their senior audience is watching TV. Find a time that your own audience is most approachable for sharing your message.

3. Be appealing. Commercials don't whine, beg or beat you into purchasing. They show how their product will enhance your life by making you more successful, attractive, and healthy. Be positive in your approach so your audience can see the benefits of your message.

4. Use humor. The most effective advertisements use humor to make their point. I enjoyed the Chevy commercials that featured the Santa salesman during the holidays and simply HAD to watch them when they came on. When I make things fun or add a dash or humor, my family is much more receptive to my direction than when I drone on and on (as I am inclined to do.) You don't have to be naturally funny - sometimes just lightening up a bit is all you really need to do.

5. Be clear. Don't you hate having to try and figure out what a sign or advertisement is about? Maybe the logo is too small or the layout too cluttered. Maybe it's just too darn confusing, like those perfume commercials are. A simple, clear message that is easy to understand eliminates a lot of frustration and miscommunication.

Today's Small Thing is to plan for effective communication by using one of the above 5 tips.

Instead of simply blurting something out without thinking, take a few minutes to make a plan. Think about your audience, your timing, your tone and your message. Ask God for wisdom and grace....and a sprinkling of humor. Ephesians 4:29 comes to mind.

How can you communicate what you want/need so that your "customer" will buy in? I'd love to hear what this will look like today. And please feel free to share other marketing tips you've observed!

Song of the Day: Say All I Need, OneRepublic

Get Crackin'

Are you exasperated by the lack of response from your children (and spouse) when you tell them you need something done? Today's Small Thing reprises one of my favorite and most effective posts for getting them off their duffs and into action.

 

 Courtesy of Flickr

I'm relieved that the heyday of low-rise jeans is about over. They're so risky. If you happen to drop something on the floor, you have to think about who or what is behind you before you stoop to pick it up. And even if YOU'RE careful, you never know when you're going to get an eyeful of bottom cleavage from someone else who isn't worried about giving away a free show.

I've seen just about enough butt-cracks to know that most of it ain't pretty, no matter what kind of undies lurk beneath.

There's always been a ban on super low-risers at our house. We're a modest bunch, but even so, there are times when more gets revealed than just a BVD label. When we're at home home with the fam, we can relax our guard just a bit. You can sit cross-legged on the floor and no one is going to drop a penny down the gap. However, be forewarned that you might be notified if even so much as your "Pre-Crack" is showing.

A Pre-Crack is the area just above the actual crack, characterized by mounded flesh just below hip level. It's kind of your Pre-Bottom valley. Everyone has a Pre-Crack, even thin people, who might have a couple of dimples there to introduce the lower crevice.

I'd like to talk about Pre-Cracks as a public service today, but I'm not going to discuss the physical ones on our bodies. I'm talking about Pre-Cracks as a verb to denote what a woman needs to do in order for people in the household to get a-crackin on whatever task she needs them to do.

Pre-Crackin the Whip, if you will.

I've found that motivating children, husbands and even co-workers can be difficult.  I've often entered a room to find my homies draped over the furniture like ragdolls, mindlessly watching re-runs of Fresh Prince of BelAir, and looking at me blankly when I suggest they get up and do something productive.  

They seem so...surprised. And more than a little bummed.

It always works better when I give advance warning that "in X amount of time I will be asking you to do X activity." I sometimes like to add that I will expect "X attitude" when the time comes in which I will do the asking. That last X stands for "willing and cheerful."

The Pre-Crack speech is effective because it allows my children time to adjust their thinking and finish up what they are doing, before they "cheerily" get off their duffs and on to my request.  

It respects their time and dignity while setting the tone for what is to be expected next.

Today's Small Thing is to expose your Pre-Crack by planning ahead. 

Don't spring "Time for Bed, NOW" on your darlings. Set a time, give them advance warning and then (here's the tricky part), follow through. And don't just walk in and hand your man a wrench and expect him to turn immediately from ESPN to fix the wash machine. Try greasing the skids a little with a general discussion ahead of time as to what your needs are.  The Pre-Crack lets others know what's coming and gives them a chance to zip up their duds to work with you.

The bottom line is that a Home Sanctuary fosters a spirit of cooperation within the family. Sometimes we need to wedge a bit of kind, advance instruction and a 5 minute warning in there to make it happen.

And a smooth end, my friend, is a beautiful thing.

 

Company Girl Kudos for Pre-Crackin the whip (or just explaining nicely what you want in advance). Extra CG Kudos for following through with appropriate encouragement, reward and/or discipline for cooperation, or the lack thereof.

Would love to hear your Pre-Crackin' story today! How has this method helped you? Is a Pre-Crack something you could incorporate into your parenting strategy?

Song of the Day: I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow, Soggy Bottom Boys

Housekeeping Advice for New Moms

I love talking with moms of babies and preschoolers, and I often get questions about how to handle housekeeping responsibilities with the demands of taking care little ones at home. Maybe the reason I love sharing my tips is because I struggled with this a lot myself as I tried to juggle a baby on one hip while looking at the mess that was supposed to be my living room. It's what started me on my quest for creating a sanctuary.

Recently, a reader named Jennifer emailed me and asked it this way: many of the housekeeping schedules I have seen don't seem to be made for mommies with really little ones.  How did you survive infancy and toddlerhood while maintaining a home sanctuary?

Today, I'd like to share with you from my (edited) email to her. Maybe you're right smack in the baby-makin'/baby raisin' years and could use it....or maybe you're long past diapers but know someone who might need some encouragement and you can pass this post to her - either way, we are women helping one another along. It's what we do. This is not meant to be a comprehensive list of tips and advice, just my "shoot from the hip" thoughts.

The baby and toddler years, to me, are the toughest parts of the parenting/homekeeping journey. With my three kids, I felt like I should have T-shirts that read "I survived my baby's first year!" for each of them. Seriously, that first birthday felt like a huge milestone for me because I just found myself very stretched in during that time, to say the least. I loved my babies, but I did not always love the work that went the baby years. I was tired a lot.

People always tell new moms to use baby's nap times to get things done but I found this advice useless. You should know that I always took naps when the babies napped and never got anything done when they slept.

 

How do you make a housekeeping schedule work without either being a slave to it or giving up altogether? I think it's best to find something super simple that will work for you in this season. A year from now, you might find that something completely different will work because your baby will be able to play a little on his own or stay occupied while you work on the house. This is a passing season that will change - and a lot of the chaos will go away with it.

 

My suggestion is to keep things as easy as possible.

 

1. Focus on one task at a time if you can, for example, work on laundry on Tuesday (random pick). Keep after it in between snacks and boo boos and diaper changes. Don't use laundry day to run errands or clean out drawers. Whatever you don't finish, leave until next Tuesday if possible. Then you don't even have to think about it for a whole week and it is off your mind. Buy plenty of underwear. :)

 

 

2. Have a basket, bin or drawer in every single room that you can throw toys and clutter into on a moment's notice. Get your toddler used to picking up at sorta regular times - before Daddy gets home from work, before bathtime. Use a timer and set it for just a few minutes so he learns that picking up is a game that is quick and fun.

 

3. Realize that starting a new family, regardless of how long you've been married, means huge changes in your life (and how you see your role in life.) This is great stuff, but also stressful stuff. Add to that other circumstances, such as job issues, in-laws, tight finances, illness, etc, and all of that really affects your ability and motivation to do much more than survive. And survival is good! You should give yourself credit for that. Don't measure your "success" as a homekeeper on the basis of such eventful years. Dishes can wait, kisses won't. Don't let what what is "undone" rob you of the joy to be had in gooey smiles, finger painting and playing peek-a-boo. There will be plenty of time to become a housekeeping goddess as time goes on.

 

4. Don't set yourself up for failure by biting off more than you can chew. Aim low if you have to, but just aim at something. They say if you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. :) Instead of having the goal "Have the whole house sparkling every day," shoot for "I'll have the dishes done each night before bed so I can wake up to a clean kitchen." Small victories are powerful and they lead to more victories. Hence, the "Small Things," my personal coping strategy.

 

 

5. If a simple schedule is just not doable (and many, MANY times I've abandoned all hope of having one) just work on daily Minimum Maintenance. Seriously. And then just jam stuff into closets when someone comes over if you need to - ha! A schedule is a tool - and if it doesn't work for you, then no big deal. Just be willing to revisit it periodically because one day you might find it's just the thing for THAT PARTICULAR season.

 

6. Don't compare yourself to others, and stay away from the blogs that make you feel "less than." You know, the ones with beautiul pictures of people's fabulous crafts and gorgeous decor and gourmet cooking. Inspiring? maybe. But mostly, they make us feel dissatisfied or worse, like failures. Listen. You are EXACTLY who you are supposed to be for your husband and baby. You are their gift and they are yours. You will make it. Believe that.

 

 

Almost all older moms will tell you - "enjoy this time." I'm so glad I took those words to heart when my children were small. No, I didn't enjoy poopy diapers or teething or temper tantrums, but I did try to focus on the idea that those years would be fleeting, and I should try to make the most of them. My "baby" boy turned 18 last week - and he was a clingy little guy for the first four years of his life. He thought I should hold him from morning until night - it was extremely inconvenient and tiring ;). I felt I got nothing accomplished until he was in school - LOL. Those years were messy and frustrating, but I loved them. And the memory of that time in my life is very, very special. He (and my other two kids) are proof that blubbering babies eventually turn into beautiful young people, and now I can mop my floors to my heart's content, which is still practically never.

 

 

Today's Small Thing is to take a moment to share one piece of advice you might have for a mom with little ones who is trying to keep up with the tasks of homemaking. 

What is something you wish you'd known then that you know now? Or what trick did you learn that helped you deal with the mess and chaos that are naturally part of that season of life?

 

If you are a new mom, what is your biggest challenge right now? Perhaps someone will chime in with something that could help you! 

 

Special thanks to Jennifer, for allowing me to share from our emails today. 

Song of the Day: Baby Mine, Bette Midler

 

Webcast Video with Priscilla Shirer

If you missed the live webcast on "Loving Your Children" with Priscilla Shirer, Chrystal Hurst and me, here is the video verison of it! We had a great time....and could have talked for another three days and still not covered it all. This is part of the series Priscilla is doing with her latest book, The Resolution for Women. Wow, what a great topic!

Thanks, Priscilla and Chrystal!  You are a couple of very wise mamas!!

 

Watch live streaming video from goingbeyondministries at livestream.com

Updates...

Bob, doing what he loves to do - helping people shoot better with DryFire.

Quick update on my father in law, Bob Ridge. He is home and doing well after a second stent was put in on Friday. The doctors and staff said again how lucky he is to be alive. Had he arrived any later to the hospital, the outcome would not have been a good one. We are so grateful and excited that he had such an excellent result. It's been a GREAT weekend of rejoicing!

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. When something like this happens to someone you love, it makes you realize that each day is a gift......and so many of the things we get worked up over are really pretty silly in the big scheme of things. It is good to be grateful, and good to be "in" each moment. None of us knows how many of those moments we will have - and it would be sad to miss out on the preciousness of them in our rush to accomplish the tasks on our To Do lists. 

Today is the first day of school - the "last First Day" for our son, Grayson. He is a senior in high school this year and I am savoring it. I will have our traditional chocolate chip cookies waiting for him when he gets home and I will try not to puddle up when I see him dunking them in milk....just like he has for the last twelve First Days. He's still just as cute as that first grader he was a blink ago! {wiping tear}

Our annual First Day photo.

Embrace the day. :)

Blessings to you, my sweet friends!!

Love, Rachel

Nature Call #3: Am I Loved?

*NOTE: 7:25 am Had a problem with my links - they are now fixed!

Of all the Nature Calls that tug on our hearts, perhaps the strongest and deepest is the question,

"Am I loved?"

It's a question that echoes through the most private recesses of our very being. 

We need to be loved. Deeply.

And we need to FEEL loved. Meaningfully.

Gary Chapman, in his books about the Five Love Languages, teaches that we actually speak (and understand) specific love languages.  You are probably familiar with this idea, and it's brilliant.  It really revolutionized how we express love within our family, because we started learning how to "speak" each other's language.  In a nutshell, the languages are:

Quality Time: focused attention, sharing, talking, shared activities

Gift-Giving: visual symbols of love

Physical Touch and Affection: hugs, pats, hand-holding, etc.

Words of Affirmation: verbal appreciation, encouragement

Acts of Service: serving in a sacrificial way

It started making sense that one child would feel loved when I would spend time with him (just watching him play!) and another would feel loved when I would help her clean her room.  I know I sure feel loved when my husband washes dishes or fills the gas tank.  It's more than the words, "I love you," it's the actions that speak right to the heart.

There's a 30 second quiz here.  And here's how to spot your child's love language.

When we meet each other's emotional needs, we "fill our tanks."  In our children, we'll see better behavior (gimme a high five on that) and fewer conflicts (five on the side!)  When their tank is full, they are free to think and grow and BE.  The same is true in marriage.  Oh, I love it when we are speakin the same language!

Today's Small Thing is to spend a few minutes considering your child's (and/or spouse's) Love Language.  Does he beam when you help him with one of his chores?  Is she extra sweet when you've given her a lot of hugs?  Do encouraging words light him up?  Take the easy quizzes and then look for ways to speak their language.

Answering your child's question, "Am I loved?" with a resounding "YES!" will give him security and confidence to go out into a world that is often harsh and unforgiving.  He will have an inner strength and courage to face whatever life brings.

It's what we ALL want.  It's what we ALL need.  And it's ours to give and receive.

POINTS:  30 for taking the 30 second quiz

BONUS: 10 for each family member's language you can identify  (if you're single, go with a room-mate, sibling, parent or friend)

EUREKA!!  This would make a great game to play as a family!  Who's on??

And what's YOUR Love Language?

Song of the Day: Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion

Nature Call #2: Am I Significant?

Don't you love knowing that when you are playing with play-dough or throwing snowballs with your child, you aren't just "wasting time" but you are answering his need to belong?  When children start pestering you to pay attention to them, that's really their heart speaking.

But there's another Question on their hearts that they need an answer for.  It is:

"Am I significant?"

Some of us are still asking that question.  It means "Do I matter?  What is my place in the world?  Do I have value?" The question of significance goes way down deep in our souls.

Your home is the best place to start answering that question.  You can do that for your children by providing opportunities to learn important life skills and develop character. 

That's a fancy way of saying, give them responsibilities and help them gain self-esteem.

OH YEAH!  Chores! Responsibilities!  Feeling good!

Trying to break this "Nature Call" down into one Small Thing is like trying to eat an elephant in one sitting.  So while you think about this concept as a whole, let's just take one little bite of it for today.

Character development and self-esteem come from learning to contribute to your family's operation.  In other words, it's not good for Junior to sit on his rear in front of the TV while you slave away with all the household responsibilities. 

Giving children manageable and age-appropriate chores helps them realize their significance to your family, and eventually to the bigger world.

Your Small Thing today is NOT to create an Excel spreadsheet with a complicated chore chart for your kids.  We can do that some other time.  Today, I want you to think of ONE THING that your child could begin to master, and then imagine how you might help him work toward it.  This could be a chore, but it could also be a life skill, like tying shoes, or riding a bike, or loading a wash machine. 

How can you encourage him to learn this skill?  By making it as do-able and pleasurable as possible.

Finding Significance in life is a gift.  It happens when someone patiently encourages you again and again to keep trying, keep working, keep putting effort into it.  As a parent, it is one of the most exasperating and frustrating experiences.  But it is also one of the most exhilarating.

Because when you're helping your child answer one of his Nature Calls, you're also answering your own. 

POINTS: 30 for identifying a skill/chore to master (perhaps consult with your child on this)

BONUS: 10 for finding a way to encourage it (verbal praise, chart, reward, etc.)

40 points max, even if you have a boatload of kids....

If your children aren't old enough for "life skills" (i.e. still working on that first tooth) or if they are grown, encourage someone you know who is significant in your life by telling them how they've impacted you.  And hey, take 30 points for sharing some Home Sanctuary Love!

Tell us about it!  I LOVE reading what you girls are doing!!!

Song of the Day: Who am I, Casting Crowns

Nature Call #1: Where Do I Belong?

 

 

There are three "Nature Calls" that are indelibly printed on our souls.  They are in the form of questions that we begin asking early in life.  If you have children, they are already asking you these questions, but often in ways we don't recognize.  Creating a Home Sanctuary is all about answering those deep questions of the heart for each family member.  These answers are the foundation that makes your home "feel good."

The first important Question that must be answered is this:

"Where do I belong?"

Your children, your spouse, your loved ones all need to know the answer:

"You belong right here.  You belong to this family.  You belong to me."

That's a powerful, wonderful thought. One really really simple way to create a sense of belonging is by getting to know each other deeply.  See, I have a special bond with the people who know me best, those who have taken the time to see the real me. And because I know how much my husband loves it when I clean the garage or ask him about hockey, his sense of belonging goes off the chart when I do those things. My son knows he belongs when I discuss airplanes with him or listen to some new music he's found.

But there's another way to express belonging, and that's Today's Small Thing.  It's so easy that its significance is often overlooked.

A deep sense of belonging happens when you share experiences and make memories together.  And I'm not talking about ski trips or visits to Disney World. 

I'm talking about the daily moments that take much less effort, but reap far greater rewards. 

It's the popcorn and movies on the couch. 

It's the board games. 

The dish washing. 

The living room wrestling matches.

The bed time stories.

It's the things you do together that are unique to your family.

Making memories is less about creating photo-ops and more about building a life which, when reflected upon, gives you that warm feeling of belonging to something special.  The life you make will never be picture-perfect, but when you've made it together, well. 

You really have something there.

Today's Small Thing:  Do something with someone you love...to build a library of good memories.  Share a story, split a cookie, play a game.  You choose! Let them know how glad you are that they belong to you.

POINTS: 40

Then let us know what you're doing!  After all, we Company Girls belong to each other.

Can you think of other ways to express belonging?  Share your ideas, too!

Song of the Day: You Belong to Me, Jason Wade (Lifehouse)

Heart Stealer

I'm breaking my vow of blog silence because I miss my son and I can't help it.

Grayson left for a father-son fishing trip into the hinterlands of Minnesota, to be followed by two weeks of hockey camp. My two "boys" are in hog heaven, and ok, I admit that I'm thoroughly enjoying a few days of solitude. 

Just before he left, we sat on the couch, snapped some phone photos and talked about the summer. It's only mid-July, but it feels like it's almost over. After camp, there will be the inevitable Cramming of the Summer Reading and Other Assignments that somehow didn't get started done, the back to school shopping, and the final swimming parties with friends. Squeeze in a haircut, dates with his girlfriend and taking the driving test we didn't have time for, and that's pretty much it.

And as hard as I'm trying not to imagine an invisible clock ticking in my head, it's tough not to think about this being his second-to-last summer home.  Grayson will be a junior this year. And then a senior. And then....I can't say the words because I have a lump in my throat.

   

That boy.

I've always thought of him as my Gift. He stole my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him. I didn't mean to poke him with a diaper pin that time when he was a baby, but I somehow gave him an inch long scar from it on his belly. He says I scarred him for life.

I guess we're even then. Reserved and smart, Gray is one of those kids who is good at a lot of things. He can draw and paint better than me, he knows all about every kind of airplane (and flies them on his flight simulator), understands low pressure systems in the atmosphere, calculus equations and the hidden symbolism on LOST. He knows fishing lures and how to shoot a shotgun, knows how to tie knots and how to climb trees. He knows how to play hockey and golf, and he knows how to sleep in - even with the sun shining right onto his eyelids.

And he sure knows how to make me laugh.

Whether he is wrestling with me over a new tub of ice cream to be "First to Dig In" (a family tradition), showing me a dance move or delivering a clever line, I'm hopelessly entertained by him.

I've come to appreciate teenage humor's reliance on jokes about bodily functions because of him. A well-placed fart joke is about as funny as it comes when you're 16, and I'd be foolish to miss out on half the laughs in an effort to refine him into boring gentility before his time.  Rest assured, I only snicker quietly, so as not to give complete endorsement.

 

I often think about how we used to stop the car to watch bulldozers and cranes at construction sites. And how exciting it was when we got stuck at railroad crossings and the conductor would acknowledge us with his train whistle.  Life just didn't get much better than that. This was the kid who liked for me to sit for hours on end and simply watch him play. He loved my company and wanted me to be with him every moment of the day. He was stuck to my hip like a barnacle for the first four years of his life - and I thought he might never become independent of me. I worried for him.

But I shouldn't have. At 16, Gray is making decisions about his life that really make me proud. He is thinking about college and choosing a degree in aerospace engineering that will be a challenge, to say the least. He brought his Bible to hockey camp, a place not known for having a whole lot of religion, and says he hopes to have a chance to share his faith while he's there.  Grayson is shouldering more responsibility at home, earning his own spending money from a summer job, and is a leader at school. He wears his retainer without being told. 

I can see him working on mastering the attitudes that all teenagers struggle with: honor and respect, security and self-confidence, integrity and courage, maturity and faith.  These are the years that the baton gets passed, and he has left the starting blocks and is sprinting with hand outstretched to grasp it.  You really can't ask for anything more as a parent, and I am so grateful. 

I was invited to go along on the fishing trip, but in the end I jumped at the chance to stay home and get some much-needed projects done.  I don't really have the stomach for catching walleyes for days on end. And in my heart I know that his dad hears the ticking of that clock even louder than I do. Several days filled with rods and reels and guy humor is probably the best thing for both of them right about now.  

So forgive me for getting sentimental like this, but it's one of those times that just kinda snuck up on me.  When I looked at the photos of my boy and I on the couch, I just couldn't help it. Something wonderful is almost over, and even though I know that the future ahead is bright, it still feels sad. Darn it all!

Please pass me some tissues. I think I'm going to cry.

 

Leading the Way

You might have noticed that, for a blog about all things "home," I don't really write that much about parenting. I'm not really sure why that is, but maybe one reason is that my Company Girl readers are not all moms....and I hate to exclude anyone, especially in Small Thing tasks. Everyone has a sink to clean, not everyone has a toddler to wrangle.

But I've loved my role as a mom. Not every single moment of it, but the journey from having my first baby to where I am now, with my last baby a sophomore in high school, has been quite a ride. I sure wouldn't trade it for anything.

I'd like to introduce you to a new friend, Julie, at Day by Day Mom. She has it on her heart to do daily "small things" for moms.  It might be a task or challenge, a word of encouragement, or simply something you might not have thought of yourself. I like what she says on her blog:

"I'm not saying, "together we will raise perfect children", but I am saying, "together we will TRY, by the Grace of God to do better. To love better. To be better. For our kids and for our families."  

Parenting is a long haul, and we need one another to stay encouraged when things seem bleak. And maybe even more importantly, we need to share our triumphs when things go well. If you are looking for a daily dose of help along the way, I hope you'll pop over and see what Julie's got going on.

Today's Small Thing is to lead by example. If your children are at home, find a way to do a task together: instead of saying "go do your homework," sit down and do it with your child. Rather than telling your son to do the dishes, grab a towel and do the job together. Look for a way to come along beside your child and help them accomplish something.

If you don't have a child around, see if you can apply today's Small Thing in your life in some way. Everyone is a leader in one arena or another....we can all use a reminder that leading is more about what we DO, than what we SAY.

POINTS: 40 for leading by example

It just so happens that Priscilla Shirer wrote about leadership today, and my sister Katherine has an excellent post about getting out of a "mommy rut", here.

How will you lead today? Share an example!