Home Sanctuary

Five Inch Turtle on a Three Inch Branch, and Other Impossible Things

Yeah, that's right.  I've seen it!  A FIVE INCH turtle on a THREE INCH branch!  The turtles in our pond sun themselves on anything that pokes up out of the water.  And there they lounge, on old logs and rocks...and even on a small stick.

I can't figure it out, but it happens.  With those short little legs....? And then they leap off with a splash as soon as you pass by.  Odd.

And here is another impossible thing:  our huge dog, desperate to get in the house while we were away, squeezed his enormously beefy body through a small pane in the back door.  If he hadn't been inside when we got home, evidenced by the broken window, we never would have believed it.

(Hairy Culprit outside scene of crime.)

Or this one: how a squirrel managed to elude my Jack Bauer husband for over a year, living in our attic and flaunting his presence every chance he got.  He finally got his due, but only after a year of stakeouts and tense tactical warfare.

Impossible things happen every day, and I need to be reminded of that....often. 

Sometimes my days seem impossible to overcome.  Yes, there are the busy ones that are packed too full to manage, but there are also days that stretch on endlessly before me, killing me with their boring sameness.  Oy, if I have to pick up another sock, wash another dish, separate another squabble, or listen to the same story again....why, I might just give up and lie here on the couch all day and watch TV.  It feels impossible to get motivated to make my life better than it is.

Today's Small Thing is to pick just one tiny thing that feels impossible, and take it on as a mission.

Mission: Impossible, if you will.

Do you have a goal that you never make any progress on?  Take a baby step toward it today.

Do you despise going through junk mail?  Give yourself 5 minutes to sort and toss.

Is your diet seeming like an impossible feat?  Today is another day.

Are you feeling like a failure as a mom?  Pick yourself up and give it another go today!  Don't wallow in yesterday's mistakes.

Laundry piles, bills, work, phone calls and projects.  Your mission, should you decide to take it, is to tackle one of those "impossible" things and see if you can accomplish it!  Be creative, feel free to involve your team, and ask yourself:  how would Tom Cruise do this??

POINTS: 50 Big, POSSIBLE points!

What's YOUR Mission Impossible today??

Wait a Minute

I've posted at Writer, Interrupted today.  I hope you'll stop over and visit me!

Learning to Fly

When you're learning something new, don't you just envy the people who make it look so easy?  It doesn't matter if it's a skill like knitting or a game like hockey, their years of experience give them confidence to do unconsciously well what takes our supreme effort to do poorly.

My husband, Tom, taught his hockey team that there are 4 levels of learning a new skill:

1. Unconscious Inability - You don't know what you don't know

2. Conscious Inability - Now you know what you don't know

3. Conscious Ability - You have to really work at being able to do it

4. Unconscious Ability - Now you can do it well without even thinking about it

It occurred to me that this sports lesson is perfectly applicable to almost anything in life, even our home lives.  We all start out fumbling with operating washing machines and diapering wiggly babies.  It's tempting to look at women who have been at it longer and think we'll never make it look that easy. 

But I've learned that if you keep after something long enough, it does get easier.  The trick is in not giving up before you get to the level of Unconscious Ability.  Parenting, marriage, home-management, cooking....they are skills that get better with time and repeated effort.

Today's Small Thing is to practice flying.  What are you learning to do well?  Preparing a nice meal, folding a load of clothes right from the dryer, being patient with your children, organizing your day, or having personal devotions might be some things you're working on.  Why, what a coincidence! Those are all on MY list!

Or maybe you're learning to fly as a single parent, as a new mom, or at a new job.  Major life changes will require extra time to be able to soar.  Don't give up before you succeed!  Just keep flapping!

POINTS: 40 for consciously learning to fly in some small way today, (a craft or new skill...you choose)

 Let us know: In what areas are you learning to fly and what level are you working through?  Add 10 points for sharing! (That's point frosting on the cake!)

Sanctuary is in the Small Things, 2008

Creating Sanctuary at home for yourself and for the people you love most is a lifelong journey. Along the way there are many wonderful days of joy and complete satisfaction, and then there are Those Days in which you can be overwhelmed with the chaos of daily life in this fast-paced world. I know because I’ve been there many times. Lord, help me, I'm there right now!

But over the years, one of the things that has helped me to have hope for experiencing true Home Sanctuary is to just make some kind of progress each day. Even the smallest of victories can buoy my spirits enough to keep me going.

I started looking at the tasks on my to-do list, and the things I want to do beyond that list to really make this place feel like a sanctuary, a refuge for my family. I realized that many (if not most) of them are very small things. It’s just that when they are added up together, the list can look so daunting I have a complete melt-down and can’t do ANY of it!

But what if I could do just one small thing each day to keep me moving in the right direction? If each thing took an average of 5 little minutes (loose change really), it would add up to 1,825 minutes in the course of a year! That’s about 30.5 hours of tasks, except they would in such small increments I’d hardly even remember doing them!

And what a difference just a tiny bit of effort makes! Sometimes I get so focused on the BIG things that I forget just how meaningful those small things can be.

On January 1, I’m going to start posting one “Small Thing” each weekday that I’m going try to do in my own home to create a little more sanctuary for my "peep's." I'll still post my other thoughts as I normally do, but these will just be daily snippets that I'd like to add.

I'm inviting you to join me in the small things because I think it will be much more fun with a Company Girl along.

Some of you may be way beyond my thinking here, but others of you know what it’s like to just need a lifeline to keep from drowning in a sea of despair.

Maybe you'd just like to have easy things to put on your list and then cross off.

Or perhaps you are wondering where to start to do things differently, to make a better life for your family.

Let's start with just one small thing at a time, period.

Most of the things will fall into the “Order” category, because it seems like that’s where I need it the most. Sometimes something as simple as clearing my countertops is enough to keep the wheels on for another day.

But there will also be small things to do foster “Peace” inside these walls. Peace in my relationships is really the foundation for everything else, and how often I need a gentle reminder to pay attention to what God is doing, and to pay attention my loved ones! Can Peace happen in 5 little minutes? Maybe not every time, but it can’t hurt to try.

Lastly, I will include simple things that we can all do to bring "Beauty" into our homes. Darn it, I want to live in a place that’s pretty and feels good! And even the rough and tough men around here like to see a fresh tablecloth on the table every now and then, even if they don’t admit it. Beauty is what appeals to all the senses to make home a special place.

This isn't going to be a complete Fly Lady cleaning routine. Besides the fact that the Fly Lady wears me out, I want to focus on the little things that matter beyond cleaning. And ya'll know I'm not Martha Stewart, with an unlimited staff and budget to work with. I'm on a shoestring here, my friends. It's gonna be quick, easy and inexpensive.

I am posting this now so that if you want to participate every day (or every now and then) next year, you can have a couple of weeks to think about it.

So, my dear Company Girls and Occasional Readers, I hope you’ll join me in doing just one "Small Thing" each day in 2008. I will post a list of supplies I think we'll need so it will be easy to stick to the 5 minutes (or so) rule. And don't worry: it's not going to be actual WORK. Some of it will be more fun than anything, you'll see!

As we approach the new year, I am praying for your homes and your families. I’m praying for your efforts and your hearts..... that each small thing you do will be a joy because it’s done out of gratitude and love.

Plus, what could be better than doing those small things with your friends?

C'Mon! Be a Company Girl!

Ladies, ya'll have simply overwhelmed me with your response to my invitation to be Company Girls!

I really and truly thought I might have 5 or 6 people along for the "Sanctuary is in the Small Things" adventure.  And just look how many of you have chimed in to create everyday sanctuaries for your families!  It tells me that there is a much bigger circle of friends than I ever thought possible and it just warms my heart. (sniff!)

If you are new to Home Sanctuary, I want to welcome you and make it a little easier to figure out what the Small Things "challenges" are all about.  I can hear you saying, "I thought I heard something about points and prizes....."

Here's what you need to know so you can start participating!

How do I become a Company Girl? 

Simply sign up for the newsletter. Then, stop in each day (or subscribe via RSS) to see what the Small Thing of the day is.  If you want to be added to the blog roll, you'll have to do that separately, in an email to me until I can figure out a better way to do it.

Why Become a Company Girl?

The short answer is:  just because we like each other's company and everything is better with a friend along.

Can non-bloggers join? 

Of Course!  About half of the Company Girls are non-bloggers.  Feel free to participate with your comments and emails!

What are Small Things? 

Read here and here to find out! 

Do I need any special supplies? 

Here's a short list that will help you get things done easily.  From time to time, I will let you know if there is something else you might need to participate.

How do you keep score? 

You are on an honor system to add the points you earn with each Small Thing you do.  There is a tally sheet pdf  in the "welcome" post at the top of the blog to make it easier to keep track of your points.

What happens if I miss some days? 

Don't worry, you can catch up during the month.  I will try and add enough ways to get points that you don't have to stress out over it!

Can I get my kids to help? 

Absolutely, YES!  Families should share ownership in creating their own special refuge.  There's no better team than the home team!

What are the prizes? 

You know I can't tell you EVERYTHING!  Let's just say I've been given some awesome things that I will roll out.  You'll want to stay tuned!

What if I can't do a Small Thing on the day it's assigned but I can the next day?  Can I still get points?

No points, sorry.  For now, you can just enjoy that warm feeling that you did a small, but important thing for your sanctuary.  Better late than never!  (Part of MY problem is procrastinating in doing those little things and I'd hate for anyone else to succumb to my nemesis.)

On a final note, the Small Things I am sharing are literally things off of my own "To Do" list.  Like your lives, my life is a juggling act.  I will try and answer emails and update the Company Girls list as best I can in a timely manner, but as I said, I THOUGHT I'd only have a handful of new friends!  You've blessed me immeasurably with your excitement and your hearts for creating home sanctuaries.  I know God will "establish the work of our hands" as we commit this year to Him! 

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Rachel Anne

Living a Life without Regrets

Everyone wants to live a life without regrets, but very few actually do it. When we were younger, "living without regrets" was a phrase we seemed to use much more often than we do now. I wonder why that is.

When our kids were born, we didn't want to regret how we raised them so I stayed home and devoted myself to motherhood the best I knew how. I certainly don't regret that. I don't regret being silly with them or letting them play in mud puddles or letting them dress up the cat. I also don't regret spanking them or trying to teach them manners. Lord knows they needed both.

During Tom's last year of college, we had a business opportunity and a choice to make: postpone his final semester of college to start a business or finish the degree on time and lose the opportunity. We didn't want to regret not taking a chance, so we took the business opportunity. Now that 20 years have passed, the business is long gone and he still has one semester left of college. Part of me feels a little regretful that we didn't let the opportunity wait while he finished that degree.

It's hard to know WHAT you'll regret years from now. Back then, we certainly couldn't see the pain and misery that business would bring us. But we also couldn't see how God used it to break us, humble us, and ultimately strengthen us. We just did the best we could with what we had, and sometimes that brings some regret along with it.

I think I've come to realize that a person who truly lives without any regrets is not the kind of person I want to be. Having no regrets means that you think you did everything right. That every decision you ever made was perfect and that if you had it to do over again, you'd do it exactly the same way.

And who of us can really say that? I regret that I didn't stand up for my daughter, Elle, like I should have when an adult said some horribly untrue things about her. I regret that I didn't write more letters to my grandparents, and that I popped pimples as a teenager.

Having regret is not always a bad thing. Many regrets go far deeper than popping pimples. When we hurt someone, we should regret it. We should regret immoral decisions. We should regret self-destructive behavior. Regret should make us take stock of ourselves and our actions. It should lead us to repentance and then to resolve. Without regret, there is no reason to change.

I'm really glad we've set out to live a life without regrets. It has helped forge the way we parent, the way we work and the things we believe. It helps chart our course through the tricky waters we often navigate. But just as important as purposefully living regret-free lives is, admitting that there will always be some regrets along the way may be just as important.

Acknowledging our regrets makes us vulnerable and imperfect. It makes us admit that we are not always the master of our own destiny, the controller of our universe. Regret helps us admit mistakes. It gives us empathy for others, and a common bond in another's struggles. It keeps us humble, and that's kind of how I think we are supposed to be. We don't have it all figured out.

Maybe that's why we talk about it less these days. We're still just trying to do it.

Working Mom's Weekly Household Schedule (that might work)

Last Wednesday, I posted a simple weekly schedule that helped me when I did not work outside the home. It doesn't resemble ANYTHING like what I live with today. With just one (low-maintenance) child left at home, life looks a whole lot different than it did even two years ago. While the heavy duty years of diapering and homework-helping are behind me, our family business has required more of me than I would like, and I now pretty much have to fly by the seat of my pants.

My schedule changes from day to day. I might be up on ladders on a job-site one day, and then in day-long business meetings the next. Sometimes I drive all over the Dallas/Ft.Worth area, and sometimes I am home in my sweats in front of the computer. I've tried to organize my days, but a truthfully, a systematic weekly schedule doesn't work for me right now.

I rely on my very helpful husband, Tom, Minimum Maintenance and a fairly well-stocked pantry make it through.

Since statistics show that most women work full or part-time, this week's sample schedule might be more helpful. It is really very simple, and maybe it will work for you. Make a blank 7-Day table, like my example below.

1. Start by plugging in your work schedule. If you are a nurse or work odd shifts, you might have two or three sample schedules that you could make, depending on your week.

2. Write in standing commitments: church, sports, date night (ha!).

3. Swallow hard, but press on.

4. This is where it gets interesting. Think: how many loads of laundry does it take to keep your family operational? 5? 10? Chances are you will need to split up that job thoughout the week, or enlist help from the able bodies who are slumped in front of the video games. It can be ugly, but you are taking control.

5. Ask yourself: how clean does my house need to be, really? Do I need 6 hours on Saturday to clean, or can it be done a little at a time each evening?

6. Grocery shopping for my family takes me a minimum of 2 hours, start to finish. It has to go somewhere. Some moms hit Walmart at 10 pm and I admire that. Ya'll are made a tougher stuff than me. Pick a time and try to stick to it, if possible, so you aren't going every night.

7. Will Saturday work as your clean/shop/sports and entertainment day? Or do you need Sunday afternoons to get some of that done?

8. Notice I have "Min. Maint." typed in each day. Girls, hear me now and believe me later, this is the single best thing a working or "non-working" woman can do. You need to get your kids to pitch in for 5 minutes each day to pick up the messes everyone has had a hand in creating. Let your family know how much you appreciate their help, even the grumpy help.

9. I've left this sample schedule fairly blank on purpose. I just want you to get the idea, without over-complicating it. I think when you start putting your family activities and responsibilities on paper, you'll be amazed by all you are already doing! Give yourself a pat on the back.

10. Eliminate, eliminate. You don't need to be Room Mom, even though you are really good at it. You don't need to be on the Search Committee at church, an Awana leader AND have your kids in Future Problem Solvers. Ay, ay, ay! Learn to discuss activities and see how they will affect your family BEFORE you commit. Seriously put everything on the table, and start making some choices. Most of us choose to be busier than we have to be, and our families suffer for it.

Final thought, from one Type T (tired) Mom to another. There are many days that I feel defeated. Maybe I've tried to do more than humanly possible, or I've forgotten some important thing. Sometimes there is just a feeling that something is missing. To combat that, I ask myself: What does this child need most right now? What does my man need most right now? What small thing can I do that will make a difference in this day?

Often it is the extra five minutes spent staring into the darkness, listening to a child talk about his day before closing his eyes, that makes that pile of undone things seem less important. OK, so the troops might have to dig for undies tomorrow, but if you got to talk, got to listen, got to see those precious faces light up when you remembered to be silly with them, then you know you're going in the right direction. And that's what it's really all about.

For more Works For Me Wednesday Tips, see Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer.

A Weekly Schedule that Actually Works

My Weekly Schedule has changed more times than Britney Spears has changed her hair.  Sometimes I've let it go completely, and then other times it has kept me afloat like a life preserver.  Setting up a schedule for yourself is a tool to help you function and make good decisions for your family.  It gives you POWER!  It takes you from feeling victimized by that boat-load of tasks, and actually gives you freedom.  I like that!

And, in keeping with my theme song this week, it's also about respecting your role as a wife, a mom, a keeper of all things important, and overseer of your growing organization.

When I think about setting up my schedule, I like to borrow a phrase from a famous pirate movie, "They're not really rules, they're more like 'guidelines.'"  Guidelines give you some structure to work within, but there is a lot of wiggle room for when the unexpected happens, and we all know it will happen.

Katherine, at Raising Five, has an excellent post about a Weekly Schedule.  Since we are both Bonnie McCullough devotees, and because Katherine has really nice color-coded examples (jealous), I will give a slightly different slant. 

Paraphrasing from Bonnie, here are some tips on setting up your schedule.

1. Define your housekeeping goal. What level of cleanliness would be best for you and your family? (Sidenote: this can be an area of conflict if you and your spouse have different cleanliness level needs. I speak from experience....cough)

2. Decide how much time to spend on cleaning. Housecleaning, cooking, child care, laundry, maintenance AND self-fulfillment are all part of home management. Defining what MUST be done is important, so you are not wasting your efforts (i.e. overcleaning. no problem THERE!)

3. Make a 7-day work chart. Fill in fixed commitments and the basic family happenings for a week: departures, school, meals, arrivals. From these, a general horizontal time schedule will emerge, showing some structure. (Look at Katherine's cool color-codings.)

4. Set aside time for fun-specific time for relaxation. You owe it to yourself!

5. Group the same types of work together in your schedule as much as possible. Arrange days to spend AT HOME getting those things done. Arrange errands together. (Very important!!)

6. Delegate responsibility. You don't have to do it all! Every member of the family should carry part of the load. Be democratic, share the fun ones, too.

7. Plan ahead by scheduling. If your schedule shows soccer after school, dinner could be ready to pop in the oven before you leave. If you have a special event on a cleaning day, move your cleaning day over, or start it the night before. If an activity doesn't fit on paper, simply say no to it.

8. If an activity doeasn't fit on paper, simply say no to it. Oh, I just said that! But it deserves it's own special point. So quit cramming stuff in that doesn't fit.

9. Value your time. Pretend you are being paid a professional wage during your work times. Respect the work you do and what it does for your family!

10. Stay flexible. You are not a prisoner to the schedule. Its purpose is to allow you to take control of managing what happens in your home!

11. Be creative! It was a revelation to me to realize that I didn't have to do ALL my cleaning and laundry and yardwork and oversee kids' chores and do kids' sports all on Saturday! I began making Mondays my major work day, freeing up Saturdays to do other things.

Now, just a few thoughts: When you feel like your work is never done, it drains you of energy. Assigning days to do specific tasks frees you of the burden of the other undone things. See? You don't have to worry about doing that monstrous pile of laundry on any other day than Laundry Day. Sweet freedom!

I suggest starting very simply. Don't fill in every minute with tasks you know you'll never do. Think in terms of chunks of time, and just put in what you know MUST be done and live with it for awhile before you get real complicated.

Like Bonnie McCullough says, you deserve to treat yourself well, and with dignity. Caring for your household is a way of caring for yourself, and expressing gratitude for what you have. It's about creating a home sanctuary for the people you care about most: your family.

Here is a sample schedule for someone who does not work outside the home. How about I talk about setting up a schedule for a mom who works outside the home next time?

For more great Works For Me Wednesday tips, visit Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer!

Start your week with a little RESPECT

We could all use some Aretha to get our week going, so turn up the volume and enjoy!

This song makes me think about how important it is to respect what I'm doing today! On Mondays it's tough to get motivated: the house is a wreck from the weekend and the week stretches out before me in its endless weight of tasks. Washing the same clothes, picking up the same socks left by the same people who shall go unnamed, cleaning the same potties and wiping the same noses. Will this never end?? What in the world is all this for??

Well, let me tell you. The minutes and hours you are spending, doing all those things and raising those little ones, you are doing more that just keeping house. You are more than a maid. You are more than a chauffer. You are more than a day-care worker. You're somebody's mom, somebody's friend, and that makes you special.

Think about what you're doing: You are making a home. You are making a life for your family. You are making memories and history and a solid foundation for their lives.

You deserve some RESPECT!

Give yourself some cred! Respect the life you are living. Maybe it's not laced with luxuries or leisurely pursuits. Maybe you are working at a job and then going home to take care of business on the homefront. Maybe you are dealing with a toddler hiding his poo-poos in the corner, or a teenager hiding some bad grades. I don't know what you've got going on, but I know that the girls who read my blog have something really important in common. We share a heart for making a good life for our families, no matter what the circumstances.

Hey! You are a hard-working woman! You've got what it takes! You are a rockin gal! Ain't nobody that can do it better than you! You might be soft on the outside, but on the inside, you are standing tall and taking it to 'em!

Give yourself a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T!

Now, replay the song and lip-sync along with Aretha! C'mon, I'll sing it with you!

What does Minimum Maintenance really look like?

One of the challenges of training kids to be able to clean is helping them "see" what needs to be done.  How many times have they announced that their room is clean, and you find that it still looks like a bomb went off in there?  They often don't see their own mess.

The same thing is true for us moms.  We need to train our own eyes to see the mess sometimes.  Well, in my case, our messes are only too obvious.  But we get used to seeing newspapers and toys and unfolded clothes laying around and don't even realize how it affects our subconscious need for order.  We wonder why we just can't feel good about our home life.

So here's an easy list of the Minimum Maintenance activities to help you "see" what should be done.

Kitchen: dishes, countertops, sweep.  (OK, it does take longer than 15 minutes, I lied.)

Entry:  pick up, no backpacks, shoes, stuff to take upstairs.  You don't want to trip on stuff as you come in the door.

Family Room:  newspaper, books, remotes, trash, pillows straightened, laundry not slung over the couch

Bedrooms: Everyone responsible for keeping their own room neat: beds made, clothes picked up off of floor, trash thrown away.  Obviously 2 year olds can't make their own bed, but if you spend a few minutes with your small child, helping them "see" what should be done, and then doing most of it yourself, it will gradually transition as they become more responsible.

Mail Center: (ahem, if you have one) junk mail thrown, bills and important papers where they go, etc.

You always want to start with the big items (bed, table top, countertops) and work down to smaller areas.  And work with gusto!  Why take hours to do what can be done in minutes?  Leave yourself time to do fun stuff so you aren't a slave to your house.  Try an "apronon" with pockets to put little items in as you go.

I found that I don't do ALL the rooms, and all the rooms don't take 5 minutes EVERY DAY.  That's where being flexible is important.  When my kids were little, it was nearly impossible to go from room to room without interruption.  Maybe that's why I liked picking up at night.

I always kept some kind of basket in each room (living room, kitchen, bedroom, etc) that I could chuck toys into for the easiest possible clean up.  It wasn't the most organized way to handle toys, but it helped keep the floor from looking like a minefield, and made it easy for little helpers to do a quick pick-up, too.

Rachel Anne