Home Sanctuary

Make Me Liar Then

Proverbs 15:1

"I'm dropping my shirts off at the drycleaners," my husband, Tom, said as we were leaving for town. He had five or six shirts crumpled up in his arms that needed a good wash and a stiff starch.

 

"Don't forget to bring in your wallet, because they charge you when you drop off your stuff," I replied, happy that I wouldn't be washing those shirts myself.

"No they don't. They don't charge you until you pick them up." He looked at me like I didn't know what I was talking about.

"Yes, they do. They do charge you at drop off." I argued. "Otherwise, they'd do the work and people wouldn't come in and get their clothes and they'd be out the money."

"I've never been charged until I pick up my shirts. I've done this for years."

We went around a few more times, each of us convinced we were right.

Finally, I smiled and shrugged at him, "OK." I realized it wasn't worth arguing over something he would soon find out for himself.

And he did. They charged him at drop off. 

I didn't even have to say anything about it when he got back into the car.

"Where should we eat?" I asked instead.

I don't know how things go down at your house, but sometimes my husband and I argue over the most insignificant things. Silly stuff.

• How far it is to College Station.
• Who was the last person to use the jam (and forgot to put it away).
• How long I was in labor.
• Was it a green shirt or a blue shirt I was wearing that night?
• How much we paid for something.
• What we ate last time we were at this restaurant.

And right when tensions are getting really high and each of us really wants to be the one who is RIGHT, somebody will pull out a phrase borrowed from Tom's grandpa, "Well, make a liar out of me for a dollar." Or a mile, or an hour, or when you get charged for shirts.

It's a funny way to diffuse those tensions that escalate over the things that don't really matter. A reminder that, for the detail of a dollar or an hour or an enchilada, it isn't worth making the other person a liar. It works everytime.

Today's Small Thing is to diffuse a disagreement or soften a tense situation. Instead of getting caught up in being "right," let your goal be "peace."

There are many ways you can stop an argument in its tracks. You can use humor, a soft answer, a change of subject, or simple refusal to get drawn in. You can choose to agree to disagree, or you can acquiesce to the other. Will it kill you, when you know you are right, to let the other person have the last word? Of course not. What would be the worst that could happen if you shrugged and said, "You're probably right. Let's not argue about it?"

Of course, there are situations when standing your ground is important - life decisions, moral situations, buying a boat.....but even then, it is important to remember that "a soft answer turns away wrath,"(Prov. 15:1) and that prayer and time may be a woman's greatest assets.

Points

If you don't have an opportunity to argue or get into a tussle today, I'll give you through Friday to work something up. Wait, that sounds like you're looking for a fight....THAT'S not what I meant. I just meant you have until Friday to implement some diffusion. :)

Please share! What's YOUR favorite diffusion tactic? Have you had a situation where a soft answer has made all the difference?

Yes, It's Possible

I asked my husband once why he had dreamed of climbing Mt. Everest when he was a young man.

"I don't know," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe because it's POSSIBLE."

It's possible because a man named Sir Edmund Hillary proved it is. He and his companion Tenzing Norgay did what no one had ever done...and opened the way for climbers and dreamers to make it to the top of the world because it COULD be done. And while most people see the failed attempts at Everest as reason not to try, for some undaunted souls, the fact that some HAVE made it is enough for them to embark on the journey of a lifetime.

Last week, Tom and I felt as if we'd made it to the top of Everest. You see, we had a "second honeymoon" in the very area we'd spent our first one - in the mountains of Colorado....and this time we had a vantage point that allowed us to look back and see the climb we've been on. In the scramble to the top - getting our last child out the door and finishing a huge work project - we suddenly realized that the possibilities we'd only dreamed of in the beginning had become a reality. It was unbelievably exhilarating, and we acted just as giddy together as we did the first time around!

 

Yup, just as giddy.

Back when we were a couple of kids in a Datsun pickup on our way to Breckenridge in 1983, we had a lot of hope and just enough courage to believe that we could make it on our own epic journey. Unfortunately, we saw a lot of attempts by others that didn't end well. Marriages that started out strong but fell victim to storms, fatigue or injury along the way. Each casualty put a small measure of fear in our hearts, knowing how easily it could happen to us. That could be us, we'd say. Don't let it be us.

So we grabbed hands and just pressed on. Through college classes, babies, sicknesses, the shoulder pads and perms of the 90's, through the kids' school years, the failed businesses, the empty bank accounts and flat tires. Thankfully, along the steep path there have been enough sunsets and flowers, tea parties and sand castles, knowing smiles and inside jokes to make each step seem doable. Possible.

With each step, we learned what IS possible. And I hold up the Flag of Possibility for you today so that you can believe, and take another step yourself...no matter how faltering it may be. Keep pressing on.

It is possible.... to have an epic love affair with the person you are married to.

It is possible to re-ignite your passion for one another, even after a long, bleak season.

It is possible to make it through financial stress, parenting, illness and loss. It is possible to be faithful to your spouse.

It is possible to forgive.

It is possible to raise children who don't rebel.

It is possible to send children to public school and see them remain not only true to their faith, but be leaders of their peers.

It is possible to have a good family in spite of the mom being easily distracted by clouds, butterflies and 20% off discount signs.

It is possible that being organized is overrated.

It is possible to know that God is deeply in love with you, and cares for you....infinitely.

It is possible to enjoy your kids' teenage years.

It is possible that your really naughty, exasperating toddler will become an amazing young adult.

It is possible to trick people into thinking you're an awesome housekeeper by occasionally hiding clutter in closets.

It is possible to find small nuggets of joy each day, if you take the time to look for them.

It is possible to live for Jesus and still have a regular job.

It is *possible* to multi-task, but *probably* not well.

It is possible to enjoy each season of life, especially when you realize that none of them lasts forever.

It is possible for dreams to come true if you're willing to work.

It is possible to be a late bloomer.

It is possible that you'll face some really hard things that will defy explanation and easy answers.

It is possible for a family to love being together.

It is possible for a marriage to last forever - and still be sweet.

It is possible to reach the top of a mountain, one small step at a time.

 

What are YOUR possiblities? Maybe you're in a tough spot and it's hard to see any around you. I know just what that feels like, because I've been there, many times. And yet, here I am....looking back and seeing just how many possibilities actually became realities. God is faithful and is always working behind the scenes to give you strength for the journey.

Today's Small Thing is to grab a handful of hope and take a deep breath of courage.

With each step you take, you are that much closer to the top of your mountain. Knowing that others have gone before you - and made it - proves that it CAN be done. It IS possible...and you're on your way to planting your own flag at the summit, I promise. Keep fighting for your marriage, keep looking for moments of joy, keep on being a good mom today. Keep dreaming and praying and doing. Matt. 19:26 "but with God, all things are possible."

It is possible that the best is yet to come.

Back to Us

Our youngest child, Grayson, left for college on Sunday.

 

As you can imagine, it was an emotional day. We had decided to keep things lighthearted and to try not to start talking about old times as we ate a leisurely brunch and then packed up his car....and that did help - up until the last hug.

Man. How do you put eighteen years of love and pride and happiness and sadness and excitement and heartbreak and fun and memories into a goodbye? There's just no way to describe it.

Watching his car drive slowly down our dusty driveway is something I'll never forget. We heard him stop, just beyond the trees and out of our sight, to pay his respects to the pond before he pressed on the gas and headed for Texas A&M. Our ears strained to hear his wheels disappear down our country lane.

We sat for the longest time on our creaky wooden lawn chairs afterward, staring up at the sky through the leaves and gazing at the driveway...and that's when the tears really came. "I can't believe it's over," we said more than once. And we talked about our favorite memories with the kids and how much we loved being parents. What a gift we've been given.

The past couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotions. We will see Gray again on Sunday for the Freshman Convocation, and that has given us something fun to look forward to. And as the heartbreak has eased, we've started to feel excited, even euphoric at times, that we made it. We made it. Our kids are amazing adults and all the hard work and daily stress of parenting is done.

Now it's just back to us.

We've been staring at each other like a couple of newlyweds, in awe of the power of love that has brought us through raising our family and creating our history. We never got fancy trips to Disney World and our camping trips were few and far between, but we had our kids and we had each other and it was enough. And now it's the two of us - the same couple that was crazy in love all those years ago, and we feel exactly the same about each other as we did back then.

Except now we know the rest of the story. All the lines have been colored in and we can see the picture clearly. We know that despite some tough times that stretched our marriage and our faith, we kept going, and it turned out... beautiful. Not perfect, but beautiful... because it's our own story. It turned out beyond what we could have hoped for, when we were those two kids who brought home that first baby from the hospital and wondered what the future would hold.

It's been an amazing ride. We are so very grateful.

Happy Valentine's Day

 

 

 

I've tried to write about our love story at least a half a dozen times on this blog. And every time, I've ended up deleting the sappy mess of words and emotion that appears on the screen. There is just no way to cover a lifetime of crazy hard good long deep love in one post, except to say that we are still Valentines.

That guy. Tom asked me to marry him six weeks after our first date. Of course I said "yes" immediately. He always tells people, "I chased Rachel until she caught me," and it's almost true. I knew right from that first double-take that he was going to be the one. Six months from that first date, we were hitched. And what a ride it's been.

Today I'm sharing my two favorite photos of us.

The first (above) is from when we were engaged: Tom let himself into the UT Arlington stadium in the middle of the night, armed with a flashlight and a design he'd drawn on grid paper, and spelled out "I love you Rachel" in the stands by flipping seats into a pattern. In the morning, he took me up in a small plane and flew me over it as he launched into a monologue entitled, "I Wish There Was Some Special Way I Could Tell You How Much I love You....Oh Look Down There!"

It was epic.

The photo actually appeared in the local paper. Tom landed the plane and we made our way over to the stadium to take pictures and a photojournalist, who'd seen the gigantic love note from the road, snapped it. What a memory.

Fast forward 29 years, three kids, two dogs, several cats, gerbils and parakeets, three businesses, some failures, some tough years and some incredibly awesome times.....and here we are.

 

This photo is from our daughter's wedding in November and I love it because it was such a special moment. We were in the middle of taking family pictures and it just seemed like time went into slow motion and everything was good and beautiful and sweet and perfect. I don't know, we were just a couple of kids who fell crazy in love and made this life with each other and suddenly there we were...our kids all grown up and finding their own way and somehow it was coming back to the two of us. I could almost picture every moment of our history - the toddlers, the middle school years, the piano lessons, the braces, the job losses, the health scares, the babies we lost and the graduations and now weddings. So much has happened and yet so much has stayed the same. We're still those crazy kids, we're still laughing at the same corny lines and still getting angry over the same petty things. I'm still messy and he's still a neat freak. We still think the other is hot.

And we're still Valentines. In years past, we've made this day about the kids and making sure they felt loved. Sometimes we've even forgotten to celebrate it. But this year, we are feeling a little bit giddy again. Maybe it's that life is about to turn another corner and things will once again change when the last of our kids takes off for college. Or maybe it's just that we feel the depth of the life we've forged, and the experiences we've shared that have become our story.

There is no Small Thing today, except to celebrate the love in your life - whatever that looks like. In my experience, love is less about flowers and chocolates and more about changing diapers, paying bills and simply being there for the other person no matter what. Love is long and hard and crazy and good. It's awesome if you get a bouquet of flowers every now and then, but what's even awesomer is when you look across the table at the person you married and know you'd do it all over again. To know that you didn't get the "perfect" life together, you just got a shot at making the "best" life together. And that every day you get a new chance to make it work, to share the load, to dance in the kitchen and to hold hands on the couch. You get a new chance to love and forgive and overlook and celebrate. You are making your own love story happen.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day! With much love,

Rachel Anne

Song of the Day: Valentine, Martina McBride/Jim Brickman

5 Communication Tips from Marketers

I recently snapped this photo at my local feed store - a perfect example of how NOT to make a sign.

 

I don't know which is worse: the fact that the sign painter didn't plan the layout, or the store owner saying, "Looks good, let's go with it."

A few minutes of planning would have made all the difference in legibility. After all, isn't communication the whole purpose of a sign? Ya might want to make sure people can read it.

Planning is an important part of signage... and all forms of marketing for that matter. Billions of dollars are spent on advertising products so that you'll "buy in" to their message. Companies create focus groups, do market research and conduct polls to best understand how to reach their target market. Then they carefully craft their logos, fonts, colors, brands, commercials and advertisements to appeal to the consumer in such a way that they'll WANT to spend money on their product.

You know, when it comes to communication at home, we could learn a few things from the marketing world. We are communicating every day- to our children, our spouse, our co-workers...if you think about it, we want people to "buy in" to our message, too. Whether it is giving instructions, sharing our feelings or talking about our day, we need our "customers" to understand and respond to what we are saying. 

Here are 5 Tips from the marketing world that can help in your personal world of communication:

1. Know your target market. Do you need to tell your husband something important? Try putting it in terms he understands. Sports analogies, technical terms, bottom lines and examples from his own life show that you value the things he cares about as you express yourself.

2. Timing is everything. There is a reason that arthritis medicine commercials air during the evening news. Marketers know that is the time their senior audience is watching TV. Find a time that your own audience is most approachable for sharing your message.

3. Be appealing. Commercials don't whine, beg or beat you into purchasing. They show how their product will enhance your life by making you more successful, attractive, and healthy. Be positive in your approach so your audience can see the benefits of your message.

4. Use humor. The most effective advertisements use humor to make their point. I enjoyed the Chevy commercials that featured the Santa salesman during the holidays and simply HAD to watch them when they came on. When I make things fun or add a dash or humor, my family is much more receptive to my direction than when I drone on and on (as I am inclined to do.) You don't have to be naturally funny - sometimes just lightening up a bit is all you really need to do.

5. Be clear. Don't you hate having to try and figure out what a sign or advertisement is about? Maybe the logo is too small or the layout too cluttered. Maybe it's just too darn confusing, like those perfume commercials are. A simple, clear message that is easy to understand eliminates a lot of frustration and miscommunication.

Today's Small Thing is to plan for effective communication by using one of the above 5 tips.

Instead of simply blurting something out without thinking, take a few minutes to make a plan. Think about your audience, your timing, your tone and your message. Ask God for wisdom and grace....and a sprinkling of humor. Ephesians 4:29 comes to mind.

How can you communicate what you want/need so that your "customer" will buy in? I'd love to hear what this will look like today. And please feel free to share other marketing tips you've observed!

Song of the Day: Say All I Need, OneRepublic

Wow! What a Country Wedding!

I almost don't have words to describe the wonder of this weekend. It was just incredible and my heart is FULL - of love and happiness and gratitude to all the friends and family who helped us put on our daughter's wedding.

Here are a few photos from Saturday, courtesy of my dear friend Bridgette, who worked tirelessly behind the scenes to tie up all our loose ends, and my brother in law Dennis, who helped serve food to all our guests.

Meghan and Nathan saying their vows.

 

The wedding arch.

 

Tom and Meghan. She is radiant.....he is just trying not to cry again.
 

 

Communion under the arch.

 

They did it!!

Our family, (left to right) daughter Lauren, SIL Robert, my man Tom, Meghan, Nathan, me, son Grayson.

 

Two hundred and fifty chairs were set up in the clearing.

 

My florist friend, Kim May, decorated everything so beautifully. We forgot to set out pictures of the bride and groom....oh well.

 

My fancy hors d'oeuvres table: peanuts, M&Ms and pretzel mix. Also on the table are the fixings for s'mores.....and mosquito spray. Aren't those potato sacks cute? I bought them at fabric.com.

 

The cake! In an old stall....

Cake was made my my sister-in-law Janna.

 

We made a vignette with my grandmothers' wedding dresses from the 1930's. We also displayed Tom's mother's dress from 1959 outside the "ladies" restroom.  It was so very special!

This is what our entry looked like. We call our place Beulah Ranch......named out of something God spoke to my heart when we first moved here 9 years ago. How fitting it is that Beulah means "married." Isa. 62

I love this photo of Meghan and Nathan!

 Tired and happy....we made it.

I can't wait to post more photos, especially of the barn and reception area. Despite our limited bathrooms and lots of last minute details that got overlooked or went undone, the wedding was just wonderful. It's finally sinking in that it's all over and now we can start to really savor the memories. We were so blessed by the help of friends and family to put it all together.....and we are truly blessed to have a fantastic new son-in-law!

I'm still catching my breath, so I'll start back with daily Small Things as soon as I can. Thanks so much for hanging with me while I've taken a break to focus on this special time!

Love, Rachel

Timing is Everything

http://www.flickr.com/photos/angies/15688998/

One evening awhile back, I was checking email, reading blogs and doing my own thing.  My husband Tom was in the room with me, watching TV and doing his own thing.  Companionable silence, it was nice.

Suddenly, out of the blue, he says, "Hey, I don't really like the way you have your hair right now."

I lifted my eyes from the screen and fixed my gaze upon him.  I pursed my lips.

Oooh KAAAY.  I'll log THAT away.

"Oh really."  Do tell.

"It just makes your head look kind of boxy on top."

Diggin' a hole, buddy.

"I liked it better the other way."

Diggin' a deeper hole, pal.

Now he's talking faster, as if he's realized he's in dangerous territory.  Except for my raised eyebrows, I feel I am maintaining incredible cool. 

"I just saw this newscaster on TV and thought she had good hair and that reminded me that I was meaning to tell you that I liked it  better when it flipped out more on the sides or something...."  he trails off and mumbles incoherently.

"Well, thanks for the advice," I say.  I was annoyed.  Why would you bring THAT up out of nowhere?

I was still annoyed an hour later as we were getting ready to crawl in for the night.  I ripped the covers over me and made a point of getting my pillows organized.  Hmph.  BOXY?  The nerve.

Then I realized that there is probably never a good time for a man to voice a negative opinion about his wife's hair.  Out of the blue is probably just as good a time as any, because it's never going to go over very well.  Now, a guy might want to have a good exit strategy, like a getaway car waiting with engine running, if he values his life at all.  At the very least, he ought to have a big distraction to pull off, like a fire alarm or a well-timed phone call.  It's a conversation that has no good ending, just a narrow escape.

Upon reflection, I think I'm just as guilty as he is about unloading bombshells at inopportune moments.  Telling him the septic tank is backed up again just as he walks in the door from work is not real smart.  Bringing up the subject of the kids needing new tennis shoes and dental work might best be brought up after a nice dinner. 

But nooooo.  Bursting with the need to share every detail with my sweet love makes me speak first and think later.

Sometimes I do it on purpose.  So what if he's had a bad day?  Mine's been worse, and I want him to feel my pain.  Misery enjoys company.  "And by the way, we're overdrawn on our checking account, so THERE."  No prelude, no nice lead-in.  Then I wonder why he snaps at the kids and withdraws into silence.  On second thought, misery doesn't enjoy company.  It's just misery.

I'm reminded that the words we speak are just as important as the moment we choose to say them.  I'm trying to make a habit of pausing for a minute before blurting out my garbage.  Is now a good time?  Would it be better to wait until his favorite show is over?  Maybe I should just sit on it for a day and think about what I want to communicate.  Or give him a heads up that there's something we need to talk about later, rather than sucker-punching him when he's not ready.  It takes some self control and a lot of prayer to hold my peace rather than destroy his.  It's a work in progress, let me assure you.

While still smarting over my hair, I tried to be philosophical about it.  I could probably wield the curling iron around a little differently to get rid of the boxy look.  Lord knows I didn't want to look like there was a UPS package sitting on top of my neck.  I suppose I should have thanked him. He knows important good hair is to me, and that I can't actually SEE the top of my own head.  I'm sure he thought he was doing me a favor.

But next time, perhaps a box of chocolates AND a getaway car on hand would be a good idea.  At least then I could soothe my hurt feelings with candy while the curling iron heats up.  I'll suggest that to him...over a nice dinner.

Today's Small Thing is to consider TIMING before uttering your words. If you are married, take the opportunity to use this task with your husband. Pause long enough to add a gentle tone or remember to add a positive spin. Kindness goes a long, long way.

POINTS: 50 for exercising self control with your tongue.

Nature Call #3: Am I Loved?

Of all the Nature Calls that tug on our hearts, perhaps the strongest and deepest is the question,

"Am I loved?"

It's a question that echoes through the most private recesses of our very being. 

We need to be loved. Deeply.

And we need to FEEL loved. Meaningfully.

Gary Chapman, in his books about the Five Love Languages, teaches that we actually speak (and understand) specific love languages.  You are probably familiar with this idea, and it's brilliant.  It really revolutionized how we express love within our family, because we started learning how to "speak" each other's language.  In  nutshell, the languages are:

Quality Time: focused attention, sharing, talking, shared activities

Gift-Giving: visual symbols of love

Physical Touch and Affection: hugs, pats, hand-holding, etc.

Words of Affirmation: verbal appreciation, encouragement

Acts of Service: serving in a sacrificial way

It started making sense that one child would feel loved when I would spend time with him (just watching him play!) and another would feel loved when I would help her clean her room.  I know I sure feel loved when my husband washes dishes or fills the gas tank.  It's more than the words, "I love you," it's the actions that speak right to the heart.

There's a 30 second quiz here.  And here's how to spot your child's love language.

When we meet each other's emotional needs, we "fill our tanks."  In our children, we'll see better behavior (gimme a high five on that) and fewer conflicts (five on the side!)  When their tank is full, they are free to think and grow and BE.  The same is true in marriage.  Oh, I love it when we are speakin the same language!

Today's Small Thing is to spend a few minutes considering your child's (and/or spouse's) Love Language.  Does he beam when you help him with one of his chores?  Is she extra sweet when you've given her a lot of hugs?  Do encouraging words light him up?  Take the easy quizzes and then look for ways to speak their language.

Answering your child's question, "Am I loved?" with a resounding "YES!" will give him security and confidence to go out into a world that is often harsh and unforgiving.  He will have an inner strength and courage to face whatever life brings.

It's what we ALL want.  It's what we ALL need.  And it's ours to give and receive.

POINTS:  30 for taking the 30 second quiz

BONUS: 10 for each family member's language you can identify  (if you're single, go with a room-mate, sibling, parent or friend)

EUREKA!!  This would make a great game to play as a family!  Who's on??

And what's YOUR Love Language?

Talk to Me, Babe

It's said that women have more words to say in a day than men do.  I think that's probably true in most cases.  Let's face it, we have a lot of ground to cover, from diaper rash to low-fat yoghurt to Sarah Palin.  But sometimes I wonder if men might have more to say if we gave them opportunity to talk about what they'd like to talk about. 

I can see you rolling your eyes.

Uh huh.  Sports.  Nascar.  Golf.  What's Wrong with the Church Today.  Why Do You Have to Press "1" for English.  What's Up with all the Bilingual Signs at Walmart.

Oh, sorry, those are some subjects at our house.

But I'm often guilty of talking more than listening.  Of explaining rather than asking.

My man loves it when I ask him questions about what he thinks.  He likes me to ask him about hockey.  He likes me to talk with him about stuff he's interested in.  He likes me to listen, even when I've already heard that story a couple (hundred) times.

It wierd, but sometimes when I need my man to listen to ME, the very thing I need to do is stop talking about "my" things.  It's like a reverse cosmos thing that happens when I meet his need for a sounding board or a sympathetic ear.  

Or just listen to sports talk.

Today's Small Thing is to ask your man a question.  Ask him what he thinks about the Eagles' offense or the Packer's defense.  Surprise him with your interest in carburetors, or the fastest route to the office. Set down what you're doing and look at him when he explains the inner workings of the latest software or innovative development in trash compactors.  Somewhere in there, you may get a nugget of insight into what delights him, makes him tick, makes him get up in the morning.

The point of today's Small Thing is not to get to his inner core of manliness.  You may have already tapped into that as soon as you brought up football.  It's simply to express your love in a way that is almost irresistible, and that's to show interest in the things that interest him.

POINTS:  You should get a lot for this because it might just take some effort and several tries. How about 50!

If you are a single Company Girl, just pick a friend to shower your interest upon.  Jump in and have fun with it, too!

Still Romantic

 

Thank you girls for your kind wishes for a wonderful anniversary last week.  It was even better than we could have hoped, perhaps because we didn't have a Big Plan built up in our minds as to how it would turn out.  We spent last Wednesday morning finishing up some office work, and then set out for our overnight stay at the Gaylord Hotel. Along the way we stopped and picked up some sadly needed new clothes that would be suitable: a shirt and nice jeans for Tom, a blouse and skirt for me.  A pair of very cute sandals and my head was spinning.  Sugar Daddy was on a roll and I was loving it.  Earrings, too?? I really shouldn't, but if you insist...

Now that I was feeling like a princess, we paused to peek into the chapel where we were married 25 years ago.  It was locked and we couldn't get in, but it was enough to give us that tickley feeling that you're looking back through time, seeing yourself wishing you could see ahead to today to know if your dreams would come true.  I know that doesn't make sense, but that shivery feeling sure was real.  And yes, they did come true, with all the color and depth and work and love that came with them.

The Gaylord was fantastic.  We had an incredible dinner at the Old Hickory Steakhouse.  It was a gourmet delight for a couple who considers Macaroni Grill haute cuisine.  Every morsel was a feast for the senses, and it made us think that maybe we've been missing out on enjoying life's finer pleasures every now and then.  Note to self:  skip a few meals at McDonald's and save those pennies for an expensive restaurant that you'll truly enjoy.

The rest of our stay was romantic and sweet.  From the beautiful room to the Riverwalk Cafe, we talked and laughed and loved being together.  It was like a mini honeymoon and I want to remember every moment.

We got back to our rickety old Barn House and the chores that were kind enough to wait for our return.  But things feel....fresher.  

Not the house, but US.  

Even the untimely demise of our upstairs air conditioner can't dampen our spirits as we get back to regular life, although we will be sleeping on an air mattress downstairs until it gets fixed.  

I told Tom that I took a lot of things away from our in-town trip, but there is one thing that struck me the most.  Of all that's happened in our lives, the first and best thing we have going for us is being lovers. Romance is often the first thing that can fly out the window when things get stressful, but it's probably the one thing that can keep you both sane and, well, uh....happy.  It keeps you close and you have to have that if you hope to make your marriage lasting and fun.  I think you might get my drift. 

We should be lovers first.  Parents second.  Workers and everything else a distant third.  How can you miss if you start there?

Today's Small Thing has to do with a very practical part of romance, and that's to focus on your bedroom.  I was glad we hadn't left ours a complete disaster to come home to, but the ironing board was still up and there was clutter on the dresser.  Spending time in a spotless hotel will give you a new appreciation for how it affects the moooood for love.  Ya just don't feel quite as sexy when the laundry is strewn all over and the kids' toys are underfoot.

Take a moment to look around your master bedroom.  Is this area of the house a romantic retreat or a household catch-all?  Is it the last place in the house that gets your attention?  Grab a basket and pick up the clutter and clothes, scoop up the loose change and ticket stubs from the dresser tops and make the bed up nice.  Spend about 10 minutes in there straightening and picking up and see if it doesn't make you feel happy!  

Whether you are married or single, the bedroom should be your own little refuge.  You shouldn't be sleeping in a storage area or a play room, so take some time to make it special.

POINTS:  40 for a 10 minute spruce-up of your bedroom