I fully expect confetti to fall from the sky when I hit "publish" after this, my 100th post.
I know, I'm a foolish dreamer. Perhaps I will pull a party blower out of my hoard of leftover party supplies and celebrate. After all, I've managed to post 100 random thoughts in under a year, a feat pretty near miraculous for me. I deserve to toot my own kazoo!
That I've had well over 100 visitors is nothing short of miraculous, either. Thanks, ya'll, for continuing to stop in. I thoroughly enjoy you, you sweet kindred spirits, who frequent my corner of blogland. Please keep on stopping in!! I just love you.
So around 7:45 yesterday morning. I was brushing my teeth, listening to my husband tell me about what he was going to work on that day. We are in the middle of a really big bunch of projects and I am feeling very anxious about the deadlines.
"....and I'll take care of this and that detail," he was saying. "So you can take that off your worry list."
I gave him a nod and a "ha, that's funny," fake smile, and continued with the brushing.
I don't have a Worry List!
Me? A List? Of Worries?
But by the time I was tapping my toothbrush against the side of the sink, I was convicted. My husband had already moved on and was discussing a new topic from deep inside the closet. I looked at my tiny pin-head eyes (no mascara) in the mirror and knew I was nailed.
I DO have a list. A long list.
I won't bore you with the details, but the general topics include: the kids, the bills, the looming deadlines, the flooding, the war in Iraq, the check engine light, the groceries, the doctor/orthodontist/dentist/vet appointments I should make. Then there's G.T.'s camp and Em's leg surgery and the kids' mission trip to Russia...., you get my point.
Oh, how many scriptures there are that tell us not to worry! And yet I finger my worries as if I will find comfort in rehashing each anxious thought.
I've got to be honest with you. I did not immediately drop to my knees and give it all to Jesus. That would have been the spiritual thing to do. No, I managed to hang on to my list for pretty much the whole day.
Well, I got busy and distracted and sort of forgot that I was still carrying around a knapsack full of burdens. But when I got back in the car to go home at the end of a very long day, my mind immediately began reciting The Worry List. Fortunately it was a long drive home, so there was ample time to realize the foolishness and even the sin of my ways.
When I continue to worry, I am not trusting in the One who promises to carry my burdens. I'm saying that God is not able to take care of me. In a strange way, I'm saying that what I have to say about my problems is more important that what God has to say about them.
You know, when you put it THAT way, it sheds new light on things.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I find it hard to admit that my thought patterns are just sinful. It's easier to justify and explain and defend my mind turf as "necessary," and "helpful." But the bottom line is that when I worry, I am in disobedience to God's word.
Phil 4:6,7 says "DO NOT be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I sure do like the promise that comes with that command! I could use that transcendent peace right about now. It seems clear that the path to the peace I want and need requires obedience. And some spiritual warfare to take every thought captive to Christ. It's recognizing that Satan loves to take my eyes off of my incredible God and on to myself-to make ME the center of my world instead of Him. Of COURSE I worry when I think I must solve all of my problems on my own. I know what a failure I am and how hopeless it is to try and fix everything under my own strength.
But just like how God showed me his greatness through my failure to put gas in my car the other day, He promises to bring His peace, His strength and His will to fruition in my life when I trust Him with my Worry List.
In fact, I don't even have a Worry List any more because I gave it to Him on my drive home last night. It's all HIS now, and I have a feeling He can handle it from here.